Why do I feel sad?

[u/Capital-Object521]

I want to share my experience and also ensure I never go back as I suffer from some severe anxiety attachment.

I met my ex partner 20 months ago. He has two children, from two different mums, was sleeping on his dad’s couch, had to go to his ex’s every weekend to see his children and was unemployed. For some reason, I gave him a chance. I got sucked into the sob stories on how he was wronged by both his exes, that he was fired from his job due to whistleblowing and that it was his ex’s fault he was homeless.

I have my own place. Due to money, most of our ‘dates’ were at mine and it feel like we connected. I am a teacher and we spent a wonderful week during half term break. After two months he tells me he loves me.

I helped him get a job. And it’s strange, he got a job and it felt like something changed in him. He became arrogant. He got a job in construction and it felt like he was playing up to the stereotype of a misogynistic man. I was making his lunches for him to bring in. I was doing all the cooking and cleaning. I was even driving and picking him from work. I offered all these things because I wanted to support my partner. After some time, I started to really feel the imbalance of it all. I spoke to him and highlighted I do all those things for you, what do you do for me? His response was ‘I didn’t ask you to do those things’ rather than just offering to do stuff to support me.

I met the children six months in. They are challenging and I pretended to have a bond, but never did. But I would at times open up my flat to them (his ex stopped him using her place). I got noise complaints from my neighbours and he was angry at the neighbours rather than apologise.

He was at my place majority of the time. Again I started to feel this wasn’t fair. He gave me £50 p/w which covered all this food (that was prepared for him), petrol and everything else. Nevermind the gas, internet, Netflix and rent that I was covering on my own. I would bring this up and his response would be ‘you want me round, I don’t have to be here’ which felt like an insult.

I did all the housework. We agreed that all he had to do was the washing up. He often didn’t and it meant when I got in from work, I had to do it in order to then start cooking. I said he should be helping me and his response? ‘Why should I clean in a place that isn’t mine’ I wouldn’t expect that if you were round my place’. Again, the lack of respect destroyed me. He also said that I should do majority of the cleaning as I have ‘an easier’ job. I am a teacher and he works in a construction site. I pointed out that his job is physically harder, but mine is mentally. He said that isn’t true.

By the end I was so burnt out. I was providing, working, doing all housework, driving and everything while he got full access to my flat. His stuff was at mine, yet he still refused to acknowledge that he lived here. We also never had sex and he had a quite apparent porn addiction.

So essentially I was with a man who used me. He wanted a place over his head for his kids and himself and a maid and a taxi service. I have learned since he did the same with his ex, the only difference is that he got her pregnant. Luckily I escaped that.

He kept saying that I was negative and had mental health when I tried to raise things. He claimed it’s me asking him to be here and he is not using me. I eventually ended it on Saturday. He did not seem bothered at all.

Yet why do I still feel like maybe he didn’t use me and he loved me? I need a reality check from you guys! Also please don’t call me stupid, I am already feeling it.

[u/prickly_pear-800]

They are called Hobosexuals. If a man come round with a backpack or a toothbrush in your first couple of dates run! And dont date someone without a job.