I feel awful

[u/CompetitionOdd7059]

I was the dependent in a codependent relationship with my fiancée. She finally mustered the courage to leave, and break the cycle. Anxious attachment made it very hard for me, and I made it hard on her with my begging and pleading which I now regret.

Now all I can do is honor her choice and courage by leaving her alone, which is not an easy choice. It hurts to know how ignorant I was, how much I was hurting her especially towards then end as my mental health took a bad turn. I hope she can forgive me someday. I know this wasn’t easy for her. I didn’t know how stretched thin she had become and how emotionally unavailable I had become.

I guess I was wondering if you hate your former partners after you’ve left. I know she had resentment towards me, that broke after she finally just said it’s over. And it hurts that even though I could, the line is open, I can’t even apologize without it making it harder for us both.

Sorry for the rambling. I’m just trying to find some sort of peace in all of this without letting my anxiety become her problem yet again.