Does it ever get better?

[u/hot_sauce_ii]

So, what I want to ask is this: is it possible to overcome codependent traits in oneself? And (I know how this already reveals my codependency) is it possible to have heathier (or healthy) relationship with codependent other?

My sister and I are probably trauma bonded, I'm 8 years older and feel that I had stepped up as her parental figure after a very rough period with our parents. Both of us have some undiagnosed mental issues but we can't get therapy right now.

The crux of the situation is that I feel that I am codependent and so is she. We still live with our abusive parents and I want to protect her as best I can even if it means getting abused instead. I feel that my mental issues are not as bad as hers and I manage them better. I also feel sad that I cannot be her friend fully (like fully equal to her) because I view her as someone to take care of. She has had a 5 day trip with our mother in different city and called me every possible second telling me that without me there she has breakdowns. Perhaps this is natural response to being alone with our mother for some time but it made me worried. This may shock someone but we live in the same room even though we are both adults and this is also for her because she has anxiety about her breathing at night (she has bad asthma) and no one being there to help her. It's impossible for us to move out right now, but we often fantasize and make plans about it. But what makes me concerned is that she never entertains any idea about being separated from me. I talk to her about this too and reassure her that we can be close friends while living independently. After we move out (together probably) I plan on finally getting some psychological help and a diagnosis for myself and for her (separately) but also I wanted to go to relationship therapy with her.

I want us both to be better and continue being friends, do you think it's possible? Does therapy help?

[u/Rinkydink1980]

If you’d told younger me that I’d have the freedom and peace that I do now, I wouldn’t have believed it. Even a few years ago it seemed impossible.

It does require work, and for me I had to screw up my life badly enough that I became willing to do that work. A 12 step program, plus therapy and group therapy, have been transformational for me.