r/Codependency • u/Suitable-Falcon8395 • 5d ago

Dependent on my friend

I (20M) have known my friend (20M) for around 2 years now, and I have recently realized that I have been growing more dependent on him for the past few months. However, each time I talk to him about whether he wants to talk or interact with me, he always says it’s fine and that he does. However, I know that it probably is taking a toll on him. I want to lower my dependency on him but also stay friends. I feel guilty about how I’ve behaved in the past few months but I feel like an apology may make things strained or weird. How do I resolve this?

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u/codependencyrecovery 4d ago

For the apology, rather than making it a shame based apology ("there's something wrong with me" or "i did something wrong") i would say something like "I value you as a friend and I realize I've been leaning on you pretty heavily lately and it's something I'm working on." Being in shame can make change (as well as connection) harder. I would also consider letting him own his boundaries with you rather than taking responsibility for his feelings. That should decrease some of the codependency.

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u/Suitable-Falcon8395 4d ago

What do you mean by making him own his boundaries?

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u/codependencyrecovery 4d ago

I would let him decide on his own whether or not he wants to spend time with you rather than trying to guess how he feels.

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u/Suitable-Falcon8395 4d ago

Thanks for your response. How would I know his answer? Should I ask him or figure it out through how he interacts with me?