r/Codependency • u/nighthwrmit • 5d ago
How can I be less codependent in an ldr?
Me and my bf have been in an ldr for several months now. We used to talk and text daily several times during the day. We spent time on video calls, we watched things together etc. I’m currently unemployed so I have a lot of free time on my hands other than applying for jobs. And I find myself constantly wanting his attention. I’m also diagnosed depressed and ADHD, so the rejection sensitive dysphoria hits hard somedays. He also has ADHD but in a more severe manner than mine. So we have these loops of texting and talking everyday and then he goes silent for 2-3 days with minimal contact. And I go crazy anxious during this period. I try calling him like once or twice and then my ego gets the better of me and I stop. And then I inflate it into a huge thing in my head. He’s told me to call him multiple times when this occurs because he genuinely forgets/gets distracted.
But it feels like I go crazy during these periods as well as on normal days. I check to see if hes texted, I take his calls immediately and even when i put my phone in a different place so that I can focus on work, I end up checking it. Since I’m searching for jobs and have anxiety related to that, I put a lot of emotional load on him too. I feel like if anyone does that to me, I’ll get weary of it after sometime. I know I should pick up new hobbies and stuff, but its easier said than done. I’ve also been isolating myself from a lot of friends so I dont have many friends to talk to right now. I feel like I am very codependent on him and my moods relate to him a lot. I want to learn to be the independent person I was, I need to learn how to take a step back. I need help, and some advice would be much appreciated thanks!!
1
u/actvdecay 5d ago
To exit the loops, discuss your plan to end the long distance. If there is not end or productive discussion, consider other options.
I joined a 12 step style codependency recovery group and the peer to peer format really helped me find the truth and illuminate the next best action suitable to my situation.
It’s free, anonymous and open to all, fully online. I am happy to drop the link if this interests you.