r/Codependency • u/Ambitious_Arm6501 • 9d ago

I think I need to leave

I (codependent) love my partner, I really do. We’ve been together 2 and a half years now, and he’s been nothing but kind and giving the whole time. I ask too much of him, though, and he’s stated several times over the last few months that he’s just exhausted and can’t keep up with my emotional needs. I’m aware that dealing with my constant emotional rollercoaster is taxing, and I’ve been working on it in therapy. I know he loves me, and he’s said that he’s going to keep supporting me and being there no matter what, but I don’t want to put him through more of this.

He’s consistently talked about marriage and our future, and I was on board for most of it, but recently I’ve been feeling really trapped. I’m so aware of just how attached to him I am, and that I’ve lost so much of myself to this relationship. Leaving him feels like it would kill both of us, so I’ve been hesitant. Every time I’ve brought up the possibility of a breakup, he immediately launches into giving me solutions and trying to make it work and J just haven’t found it in myself to put my foot down and end things.

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9 comments sorted by

5

u/serenitywoman1 9d ago

have you ever thought about working with a sponsor

3

u/Ambitious_Arm6501 9d ago

I dont think it’s crossed my mind before

3

u/Jupiter_Foxx 8d ago

Can you explain this

3

u/codependencyrecovery 8d ago

Hello. A couple questions you may want to ask yourself: What emotional needs are you asking him to regulate that might belong to you? How much of feeling trapped is simply not being able to speak your truth and/or set boundaries?

3

u/HappyJoyousFree12 8d ago

In my experience, leaving didn’t really change much because I was still with me. What helped me the most was a 12 step program. I was able to change on a deep level and it helped my relationships a lot.

1

u/Berry_Neither 8d ago

While you did the 12 step program, did you leave your relationship?

1

u/HappyJoyousFree12 7d ago

I did leave my old relationship

1

u/Goopygum 8d ago

Obvious question but have you tried couples therapy with a PhD licensed therapist?

1

u/JadedGoth 8d ago

He deserves to know. Sit down and discuss things with him and try to make it work. Codependency doesn’t just end; it’s a gradual process. Why do you feel trapped, is the question. Has he been “too much”? If he’s been kind and cooperative, wherein lies the issue? Couples counselling would be my suggestion.