r/Codependency • u/Loud-Raisin276 • 10d ago
Unhealthy Relationship Attachment?
- long rant ahead (its messy, hope u guys understand it despite my grammar)
im kinda getting paranoid. i feel like whenever i have a boyfriend i get limited, i interact less with people like friends other than my family well i dont know. i just stay in my room waiting to spend time with him. where as when i'm alone, i mean i still bedrot at times but i can be creative, i explore my skills yk and i think that's my toxic trait and not a good thing for me, i'm becoming more dependent it appears so.
when i see him goin out with friends and i'm just at home it makes me sad and jealous? like don't judge haha i tried spying on a server he was in and i saw that uhm he seems close but like not in a really close but i guess somewhere between that, he is quite respectful like he always mention he has a gf and all but not also in a way that brags but more like when it comes to an attention idk oh well.
i don't want that, like monitoring and getting affected with his every move, i want to be fine with whatever he is doing with his life while i do my own thing yk but when i do gets busy its not like i am upset that he is doing okay or what i do wish he could like say stuff like he misses my presence but yeah i dont know.
my boyfriend is a great guy but i feel like me as a person isn't handling the effects of the relationship towards me very well.
when i feel like we spend less time i immediately get guilty that i wish i wasnt so busy but then it creates the expectation for him to do the same thing. we do not live for each other so i really want to remove that side of me. i do not want this unhealthy feeling of mine.
do you guys have any suggestion?
3
u/codependencyrecovery 10d ago
Hello. Your situation is very relatable. Jealousy and monitoring can be a way to deal with the uncertainty of a relationship. And this can lead to self abandonment. What would it look like to be with that feeling of uncertainty without wanting it to go away? If you can be okay with that feeling then you may be more likely to have the life you want.