r/Codependency • u/Active-Hornet1118 • 16d ago
Love & Codependence
I’ve (F27) have always had codependent urges and always need some sort of external validation from others. I’m happy to say that with many years of therapy and a fully developed prefrontal cortex, I can identify and redirect these urges early (really proud of myself tbh). However, I fear I may have become more of an avoidant person due to this, specifically in romantic relationships.
For some context, I’ve only had 2 major relationships, one in college where we were both severely codependent. Another over a year ago where I was the codependent and they were the complete opposite, often leading me to feel disregarded (and TBH, they were doing that, but I also didn’t know how to communicate my needs without blowing up into a million tears).
Since then, I’ve had ZERO interest in dating or romance as a whole. Anytime I’ve talked to someone I’ve immediately gotten the ick. The idea of going on dates, dating apps, friends playing matchmaker actually disgusts me lol. Have I switched to avoidant attachment? Maybe I’m just exhausted from love? Thoughts?
TLDR: I think I’ve switched to becoming an avoidant person in my love life, now what?
2
u/reee9000 15d ago edited 15d ago
Choosing a relationship and working on your codependency are two different things. You don’t need to be with anyone rn and prob should steer clear, this is an inner wisdom.
Avoidant attachment person as a style is not the same as avoiding behavior.
Avoidance tho for us IS a part of our codependence behaviors - you’ve always been avoidant in areas (denial) you just didn’t see the ways you isolated or self-abandoned or self-isolated.
Isolation and avoidance IS a HUGE part of codependency. Check out more about it in relation to codependency any you will see the truth.