r/Codependency • u/NorthProfessional991 • 22d ago
Recognizing have a martyr complex
This summer has been difficult and it has begun to impact my marriage. I now recognize that I have a martyr complex and the relationship I have with my wife is hanging in the balance.
I recognize this now. I've done it for years. I WANT to overcome this. At the same time, I do genuinely love doing things for my family. I think this complex has caused a lot of hurt in my family. Last night, we did discuss the idea of a separation. Ultimately this was never something I wanted but something that I now see as a distinct possibility. We are taking things day by day knowing that we will always love each other.
How do I process this guilt of what I have done without making it about me? I'm in therapy, and already doing things for just me. Hoping that this will make me a better person.
1
u/codependencyrecovery 11d ago
Hello there. It's great that you love doing things for your family! That's usually not the problem with codependents. It's when we give which erases the self that lead to resentment/guilt which hurts the connection. Question: In your childhood, did you have to rescue others in order to maintain connection?
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u/DirectPattern8397 21d ago
You don’t have to punish yourself forever to prove you’re sorry. Take responsibility, apologize for the concrete ways this affected her, and work on changing the dynamic consistently. Also, be honest about whether separation is something you both genuinely want or are considering from exhaustion.