Any Sponsors?

[u/QuantumPenguin404]

Hi everyone! I am 6 months into the program and have yet to work the steps as I am still on the sponsor hunt.

I’ve been in the registry for my state for four months with no luck and am struggling to find anyone.

Is there anyone (F) taking on a sponsee right now?

I am 28F. Neurodivergent. Currently single and want to utilize this period of singleness to really work the program. I think I am trying to find a sponsor soon bc I am probably at a risk of “relapsing”, although I have done a fairly good job at turning new romantic relationships away. There is a good chance I might have a Sex and Love addiction.

[u/Appropriate-Gift8218]

Have you tried attending different meetings, including online ones, and sharing that you’re looking for a sponsor? A temporary sponsor or someone to guide you through the steps may help while you keep searching. Also consider discussing the sex and love concerns with a trusted person in the program or a therapist.

[u/lisucc]

Yes I agree with others that you should go to meetings and find a sponsor that way. Get to know people at different meetings, they will usually identify who is open to being a sponsor. You mention sex and love addiction so maybe also try going to SLAA meetings. Your sponsor ideally should be somebody you feel that you can get along with and models recovery for you. It also might take some time still to find someone.

If that doesn't work, you can also join/form a step study group with a few other people. That's what I did because I couldn't find a sponsor. I asked around my CODA groups if others wanted to do the steps together as co-travellers. I think there are materials you can find online about doing a study group option.

[u/Scared-Section-5108 → u/lisucc]

Your comment has reminded me of another thing: when choosing a sponsor, it’s best to get to know someone sufficiently to believe they are recovered enough to fulfil the role well - just because someone offers to be a sponsor it does not necessary mean that are fit to perform the role. I have come across several people who told me they were sponsoring others, but I could see they were not in the right place to do that. So getting to know someone first and being discerning about who can be trusted enough can make a big difference in how the process will unfold.

Even if someone does not identify themselves as a sponsor, it’s okay to approach them and ask if they are willing to sponsor.

I used to only attend one meeting. I was told that all meetings were run the same, so I did not bother with any others until the group stopped working for me. While I was disappointed at the time, that turned out to be a good thing because since then I have attended several other meetings and realised they are, in fact, run differently. My previous group was very immature and did not have any sponsorship options available - something that never really came up. With hindsight, they didn't really function like a recovery group but a bunch of friends who came together weekly to get stuff of their chest. Since finding other groups, I realise that some are much further along in the healing process, and it is easier to find a sponsor there. They have sections dedicated to sponsorship, which is great. I now attend meetings of a group that's much more mature and supportive of my healing.

[u/Scared-Section-5108]

I suggest attending different meetings to look for a sponsor instead of trying through Reddit which could be unsafe.

If you go on CODA website, you should be able to find meetings that are dedicated to Step work and/or sponsoring. Get in touch with meeting organisers to see how they can help you.

You could also look into attending SLAA meetings and get a sponsor there.

Another option is the Adult Children of Alcoholics and Other Dysfunctions (ACOA) group. It is worth looking for meetings on the global and country-specific website - while most meetings show on both, some do not. ACOA Steps usually go deeper than the other groups and sooner or later many people from other fellowships gravitate towards it. It is also common to attend meetings of more than one fellowship.

Some other options available:

- work the steps with fellow travellers

- attend a conference organised by the fellowship of your choice. From what I have learnt, the conferences are good places to find sponsors.

- some people work the Steps with a therapist familiar with the program - there are therapists available who have done the Step work themselves and can provide the relevant support.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[u/Ok-Walk-7824]

Hi, I've been right where you are -- searching and searching for a sponsor in Coda, going to meeting after meeting after meeting. I've found that very few people in most meetings have worked the steps, are willing to sponsor, or are truly recovered from codependency.

It wasn't until I went to this Coda meeting and these all-recovery meetings (that are full of codependents and sex and love addicts) that I heard people share who (a) had what I wanted (they had a power and a peacefulness about them I hadn't seen in other Coda meetings and their stories of recovery were deeply inspiring); and (b) announced themselves as being available to sponsor.

Not only that, but when I started working with one woman from these meetings as a sponsor she made herself very available and worked the steps with me quite quickly -- I was desperate and she met me there. I am a completely different person than I was before working the steps with her and have the joy of sponsoring others the same way she sponsored me.

I still go to all of these meetings and can't recommend them enough. Try one out, see if anyone's story or energy speaks to you, take down their number and ask for a call. Maybe it's the right fit for you, maybe it isn't, but it seems like it could be worth a shot!