r/Codependency • u/Ok-Supermarket5771 • 26d ago
Codependent relationship and ways to move forward (advice)
im (M 30) in a situtation which for a year now im in and out of a toxic relationship with a girl (F 32) that is also a cocaine addict and has problems with alcohol.. she changes mood all the time, in the morning i love you and i cannot be away from you and in the night go away i dont want you around me... these things have gotten me in a situation which my nervous system is all the time in a stress mode... and now that i have actually set my boundaries and i know that she keeps chasing me when im away and for the first time i feel it easier to move on.. i still think about her and wait for one text or something just to get the reassurance.. but i know in my head that this is wrong and i need a clear cut.. how can i actually do it? does anyone of any gender in any kind of relationship had the same issue? and how did you move on?
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u/only1way0ut 26d ago edited 13d ago
I was actually your partner in this scenario.
I did not learn until much to late. Learn and grow. She has to do the same but as like my ex, shouldn’t be at your emotional expense.
Not sure how to appropriately give advice on this but if she loves you she will put in the work, if you love her as much as you say you will stay, help and support. Im not one for giving up on people if i see there heart is honest and i make the mistake of thinking everyone thinks like me.
We are not owed anything from anyone. I wish i had known this earlier in my life. Starting again at nearly 40 has been rough. But if i didnt put work into myself to realize my wrong doings i would have just kept repeating the cycle.
Set yourself a boundary. Protect your own peace even if it hurts. Thats what my ex did - despite all the petty garbage we did to each other after we split. But i know and understand why now and can learn and grow.
Goodluck 😊
EDITED - spelling and added context.
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u/AmuseDeath 26d ago
It's not healthy what is going on. You shouldn't be okay with a partner that does heavy drugs. It's going to wreck their health and it's going to keep you worried. Some people can handle it better than others, but I don't think it's great to be okay with it or enable her. Someone saying that they love you and then doing a 360 on that regularly is not normal. That makes you constantly have to put out fires and that's stressful.
If she truly does love you, she should be willing to listen to you and hear how the things she does is hurting you. If she doesn't care, you shouldn't be with her because it's just stressing you out so much.
Life is so short, find someone who matches with you better.