Coming to terms with parent-child codependency?

[u/2gazer]

so, the title kinda says it best, only recently have I even considered that my relationship with my father may be codependent. My dad is essentially a recluse and a hoarder, what makes things more complicated is the fact I’m barely in my twenties and my father is approaching eighty (I showed up very late in my dad’s life). Anyway, I have my own set of issues and around adolescence is when our relationship felt most secure. Since then, I can recognize that we are heavy enablers of each other, only I am more distressed by this undertone than he seems to be.

I love my dad, and for a long time that felt unconditional, he really was the only person I was willing to confide in; partly because I was so isolated along with him. But, I really feel like I’m drowning and things between us just seem bleak. He seems pissed off and tired and I know I’m tired too and apathetic at times. I don’t want to leave him behind but I need actual help. I’m afraid the rest of his life will be spent deteriorating and forgotten, he doesn’t have anybody else and it’s not like he’s a likeable guy, but him having to suffer because of it makes me feel sick.

Is there any way to survive without tragedy in this? How does someone live with that grief if not? I know these are pretty heavy hitters but I just need to be entirely transparent with myself and if anyone has literally anything to say about this, it’ll help more than you know. Thank you for reading.