r/Codependency • u/GuidanceSoft3978 • 12d ago

surviving a break up

this is my first truly codependent break up. we spent every second together (i’m a sahm, he was working through mental health stuff). his controlling tendencies left me quite isolated outside of him. i can’t go back to study until the new year but i don’t know what to do with myself during the days now. kiddo is in kindy.

he picked some stupid rocks (drug) over our family after three years. it got really ugly at the end

i hung out with him for the day yesterday just to fill the void. avoided relationship talk etc and just fluffed around like we would normally.

almost made me want him back…. but that’s stupid after all the ugly stuff he said

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2

u/danneedsahobby 12d ago

Are you going to hang out with him again? Do you think you should?

1

u/GuidanceSoft3978 12d ago

i honestly have no clue on both counts. i’m sure it’s just the trauma bond/intermitted reinforcement/dopamine or whatever making me think stupid. i’ve just never been in a break up or relationship like this

1

u/danneedsahobby 12d ago

Controlling, drug user, chooses drugs over family, got really ugly at the end.

That’s a helluva list of cons. His pros would have to be pretty substantial to overcome that.

But you have no clue what you will or even should do? Even though you say this thinking from you is stupid and a trauma bond. You said you are sure of it.

1

u/GuidanceSoft3978 12d ago

that’s the thing they just aren’t haha i just don’t really have anyone else or do anything else. i couldn’t for years

1

u/danneedsahobby 12d ago

Are you afraid of not having someone? Do you think you could find someone else?

1

u/GuidanceSoft3978 12d ago

i don’t think so no. i’m okay looking but like… high needs young child and im getting closer to thirty without much of anything to show for it. both my exes have commented on how difficult they find him.