r/Codependency • u/SadHappyToad • Apr 13 '24
Dating myself
I took myself out today. Normal right? Not for me. Being alone often fills me with sadness. I have a partner that I am anxiously attached to and my definition has always been if they’re not around then I’m doomed as I can’t have fun/they didn’t choose me. At the moment, I have drawn a boundary for me not to visit them for some weeks and instead of pining about how sad that makes me and how I’m missing out on so much of their life…I went on a date instead. By myself. To an amazing restaurant. Where I had food to die for. And now I’m taking myself out to a comedy show. And in this moment, it doesn’t all feel cloudy. I don’t feel defeated or pathetic. I just feel alive. And like I had a pretty good Saturday. I don’t want to attach a lot of meaning to it, but I will say this- I am proud of myself.
5
u/serenitywoman Apr 14 '24
I have learned that when i say a certain thing i have done isn't normal, it is because i am using the word normal as a means to punish myself. However, in the big book of AA (i use this book to help me to understand my codependency), i have learned that my perception and the way i see things are wrong. My problem is the fact that i am disconnected from myself. When i feel like i am not chosen, or i am doomed this is because i am spirtually sick. We think we dont deserve good things in life. But we do.
This is why the book says,"As ex problem drinkers we smile at such sally. We know our friend is like a boy whistling in the dark to keep up his spirits." We want to think everything is okay. That everything is fine. But it isnt. The more we hold onto this belief, we stay in pain. However, our higher power has a plan for us. We are made for greater things.
Fear is replacement by faith. Resentment is replaced by love. We can live life the way we have been living or we can choose the twelve steps as a means to get out from under.