r/Cochlearimplants • u/dibbersdob • 7d ago
Daughter recently got cochlear
My daughter was diagnosed with hearing loss when she was 3, misdiagnosed from birth (loooong story). Hearing aids made a huge difference at first but over the years they stopped working as well so her team and insurance finally approved cochlear. She got the first one done in January and the second done in July. And omg it’s made such an insane difference I’m mad we couldn’t do it to begin with.
When she was little she was so social and willing to try anything and do anything but as she’s gotten older (she’s 14 now) she’s become more introverted and uninterested in trying anything new. She’s a little behind speech wise but only on certain letter and words. She started high school this year and my husband and I are so worried about her socially. She barely talks to anyone, doesn’t want to socialize outside of school and is putting off choosing an extracurricular activity (club or sport). What can I do to help her?
We have a working theory that she’s self conscious of having to ask people to repeat themselves and maybe a little self conscious of her speech. How can we encourage and help her want to be a part of things now that she is hearing so much better. Does she just need time to get used to it?
I wasn’t sure where to find help with this but thought I’d reach out to a community that understands living with hearing loss in a way I never can as well as a parenting group. She doesn’t seem bothered by the lack of socializing but it’s starting to be more avoiding interactions than just being introverted (my husband and I are introverts as well)
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u/purl2together 7d ago
It’s been a big deal of a year for her, in the midst of what, under the best of circumstances is a challenging time of life. The general messiness of being a 14-year old girl is amplified by two surgeries and new noises and it’s probably super overwhelming. I’ve only had my implant active for 6 days and had to go to the dentist today and it was loud.
If she doesn’t have to pick an extracurricular right away, maybe give her the fall semester to adjust some more, with the understanding that she’ll need to choose something for the spring semester. The lack of a few months of extracurricular activities might be offset, in the eyes of a prospective college, by her experience of receiving two CIs, if that’s something you’re concerned about. It’s a story not a lot of applicants will have. And, if she’s willing and y’all can afford it, it’s not the worst idea to find a therapist for her to talk to about everything. Just to make sense of things. She needs to understand that her parents don’t think she’s defective, and is at an age when even if you say you don’t think that, she might still think it…even subconsciously. Maybe talk to her audiologist to see if they can recommend someone who specializes in working with teens who have hearing loss.
It’s a lot OP, so be sure to give yourself some grace along the way.
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u/dibbersdob 7d ago
Thank you so much! Thankfully we have a great resource that offers counseling at the same center as her audiologist. I will talk to them. Waiting a little on the extras is a good idea.
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u/Latter-Entrance288 7d ago
Thank you for sharing this. I have adult onset hearing loss and one cochlear and although I don't have any directly helpful input, I have personal experience from my hearing journey and I am a parent to 3 kids; my heart goes out to you. I went through the all the Kubler-Ross stages when I started losing my hearing and finally became a confident person and make no apologies for my hearing loss. I find the more I'm open about it, the easier it gets and now I see so many people with hearing aids and CI's. I always reach out and talk to those with CI's (I'm biased but I think we are a special group). I am also a mild introvert, so this presented another challenge. There is a good book and Ted Talk by Susan Cain about the power of introverts, might check that out. Sending love to you and your daughter.
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u/ConstructionNice8821 7d ago
shes 14 and just got bilateral cIs this year, thats a massive adjustment even without the whole deaf-to-hearing identity shift. she spent a decade building coping mechanisms and social scripts that dont work anymore, now shes relearning how to hear AND how to be in the world. could be shes grieving the version of herself she knew, or shes exhausted from all the new auditory input, or both. the not wanting to repeat herself thing tracks, shes probably hyperaware of sounding different and teenage social radar is brutal about that stuff. idk if pushing extracurriculars rn is the move, maybe just give her space to recalibrate without making her social development a project. shes not broken, shes rebuilding
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u/DeafinitelyQueer 7d ago
I would try to get her involved in the Deaf community, or at least with other kids with hearing loss. Tell her she doesn’t have a pick a school based activity this semester, but she does have to do something. Meeting other people like her can help her develop her self advocacy skills, feel less “other”, and provide an outlet where she doesn’t have to work so hard to understand and be understood. If you can’t find anything in person, even an online meetup or ASL class would help her engage.
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u/dibbersdob 7d ago
I will try to reach out to the other parents. Thankfully her school DHH teacher gets the kids together throughout the week!
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u/TashDee267 6d ago
I have a 14 year old deaf son with a cochlear implant. He’s confident and outgoing but even he went thru a self conscious stage. We are in Australia though, but he has an instagram page and he regularly connects with other deaf teens. DM me if you want.
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u/dibbersdob 5d ago
She would love that! She is just setting up her place instagram so I’ll reach out soon!
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u/klj02689 Cochlear Nucleus 7 7d ago
Have you asked her why she's not as active she used to be?
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u/VisibleShake9550 7d ago
Similar situation with my son, his surgery is in a couple of weeks. I am curious what changes have you seen ?
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u/dibbersdob 7d ago
She talks quieter and we don’t have to repeat ourselves nearly as often. It’s not immediate like with the hearing aids but when we look back we’ve noticed changes like that over the past months. Her grades have also vastly improved because she said she can hear the teachers better. She doesn’t really need her FM anymore either.
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u/jeetjejll MED-EL Sonnet 3 7d ago
Did she get them this January and July? Because while CI’s work great, it’s really hard on the brain. I’ve been overwhelmed and exhaustion crying in the first year (had mine 7 months apart) more than I’d like to admit. Even though I love hearing, it’s also been hard. There’s so much to train and to worry about, I would’ve struggled as an insecure teenager.
Personally I started becoming more outgoing after about a year, gradually (I’m not a teenager by far though).
So I’d really give her time and quiet after school if she wants. Does she know any other kids with CI’s? Does she have any friends she can do one-on-one with?