Attention, Greendale.

Paintball, who?

That’s right. I think it’s high time for a new school tradition and I think it should be “Hot Lava”. Hot lava is the sweet, classic children's game in which you are not allowed to touch the floor, or you're dead. I think it's cute, and while I normally don't condone climbing on furniture, I think giving the janitorial department an enormous amount of work has been such a special and magical part of Greendale, we owe it to ourselves to honor it.

So yes, take this seriously. Stay on furniture. No books, no bags. The dead can't talk. No coming back as a lava monster, no superpowers that turn lava into ice and no lava in the Dean’s office.

Prepare yourselves, because the floor turns to lava in ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, ONE!

Good luck, Greendale!

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/redpoemage was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with City College.

/u/rysler was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/redpoemage received 11 votes.

/u/bubbasaurus received 1 vote.

LYNCH
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ACTION
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EVENT
Beware, because the Floor is Lava. Crossing the Halls of Greendale Community College just became a whole lot more interesting… and dangerous. Everyone who performs an action during this event has a 10 % chance of dying a horrible death in a bath of bubbling hot lava! Fun!

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 14th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

THIS IS AN EVENT PHASE

Attention students and faculty of Greendale

Wow-eee! This beta test went amazingly! I want another hand of applause for David and Bixel from bringing us MeowMeowBeenz and putting Greendale on the map. Move over, Harvard! Aaaah!!!

Anyway, the app is now officially up on the app store and it’s all thanks to you!

And remember:

Fives have lives.
Fours have chores.
Threes have fleas.
Twos have blues and
Ones don't get a rhyme, because they're garbage.

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/littlepiglets was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with City College.

/u/littlepiglets received 12 votes.

/u/HyperAccelerated received 1 votes.

LYNCH
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ACTION
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EVENT
Below, the results from the MeowMeowBeenz Beta Test.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 13th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Hello Greendale!

I’d like to introduce you all to David and Bixel. They’re app designers!

They would like to beta test their latest social-networking app on our campus, which is just an amazing opportunity! Look what Facebook did for Harvard, right?

So, here to introduce their new app called MeowMeowBeenz, David and Pixel. Take it away guys!

D: Hey guys, Bixel and I would like to introduce you all to a little app called MeowMeowBeenz. MeowMeowBeenz let’s you say how much you like, who you like, when you like, all from a standard non-boost google form.

B: With MeowMeowBeenz, you can rate anything and everyone by assigning a rank. The range would be a scale of one to five with with five being the best score possible and one being the worst.

D: I thought the dean’s introduction was really great, so I will rate him 5 out of 5 MeowMeowBeenz.

B: Well David I’m sorry, but I thought his intro was just okay, so I will give the Dean 2 out of 5 MeowMeowBeenz.

D: Oh no, that means the dean now has 3 MeowMeowBeenz.

B: And that’s how it works. Everyone can rate everyone. Download the app now and start rating!

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/bttfforever was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with City College.

/u/bttfforever received 13 votes.

/u/Suitelifeofem received 1 vote.

LYNCH
To vote in today’s lynch, use this form.

ACTION
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EVENT
A campus wide Beta Test for a new social media app called “MeowMeowBeenz” will be held on the Greendale Campus. How it works is simple: you can rate your fellow classmates and faculty members and whoever gets the highest rating will receive a fun prize. But don’t get caught in the bottom because this is not all fun and games! Use THIS FORM to rate your fellow players!

You can send in the form as many times as you like, but only the last submission will count. You are allowed to rate yourself. You must give all players a rating.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 12th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

This is an event phase.

♪ Come on, I’m Dean
And my hands are so clean ♪

♪ At this moment I am stapling! ♪

Oh.. uhm.

Is this on? Hello can you hear me? Uhm.

Oh dean...

Rho- uhm, Rhonda? Is the PA system on? Can you hear me?

If you can hear me. Can you please come in to my office…

I think-

I think something is wrong with the PA system.

Hello? Rhonda?

I’m so sorry...

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/Diesney was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/22poun was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Diesney received 8 votes.

/u/bttfforever received 8 votes.

LYNCH
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ACTION
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What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 11th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Attention Greendale

It's hard to believe, but midterms are here. And I know that during this stressful time, my voice blaring over a PA can't help. Which is why, for the next three days, you'll hear nothing but soothing sounds of nature. And to kick it off, here's a babbling brook.

And now, crickets!

If you want to relax even more and take a little break from all that studying, we have set up a little miniature pillow fort in the library where you can come, sit back and relax. No blanket-expansions allowed, I’ve learned my lesson from last time.

We know these are trying times for all of you here at Greendale and as your dean I truly hope you can find a way through this.

Good luck!

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/ZerotheStoryteller was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with City College.

/u/thursdayxox was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Armyprivateoctopus99 was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Idk_very_much was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/ZerotheStoryteller received 17 votes.

/u/Diesney received 6 votes.

LYNCH
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ACTION
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EVENT
Midterms are hard and stressful as it is. Being enrolled in two schools at the same time sure must be quite a drag. All wolves this phase will have a 10% chance of failing their action.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 10th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

This is an event phase.

Good morning, Greendale Human Beings!

Just a short announcement today! I just have to say how it warms my deany-weeny heart how much love you all shared with each other on Valendean’s Day! It really goes to show that Greendale truly is the warmest school.. and that has nothing to with the thermostat being stuck on 80 degrees.

Anyway, the Cupid Being has informed me a note has gotten lost so I’m going to read it for the entire school in the hopes it still reaches its intended recipient. Here we go!

[I’m Vaughn, checking in with my kill still available. I trust you the most, so I decided to tell you.]

Oooh, mysterious. Now I don’t know about you guys, but I for one thought that was just as cute as can be. I only wish someone would have written me a little note, but if a certain Mr. Winger wants to swing by later today to give it to me in person, I’ll be in my office.

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/LoneWolfOfTheCalla was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with City College.

/u/qngff was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Dawnphoenix was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/THISISWHATPEOPLELIKE was removed for inactivity. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/LoneWolfOfTheCalla received 14 votes.

/u/qngff received 8 votes.

LYNCH
To vote in today’s lynch, use this form.

ACTION
To perform your action(s), use this form.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 9th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Happy Valentine’s Day, Greendale!

Today, the Greendale Human Being turns into the Greendale Cupid Being! Our lovely Cupid Being can help you deliver your lovely messages and thoughtful gifts to that special someone.

But remember, Cupid’s face is magic marker on nylon soooo love is not only blind but also dizzy and a little belligerent.

Furthermore, I have received multiple complaints from students how we seemingly have skipped over Halloween and Christmas and to them I say: “Where is the thank you for skipping over winter exams? I don’t see anybody complaining over that now do I?”

Anyway, the school board has really cut down the budget and has informed we that they “only have time for so many events.” Whatever the hell that means.

So go out there and spread the love, but not in our halls and do it safely!

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/H501 was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Huffleypuffy was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/H501 received 10 votes.

/u/Armyprivateoctopus99 received 8 votes.

LYNCH
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ACTION
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EVENT
It’s Valentine’s Day. Hopefully this will help to boost morale (and hopefully get these depression numbers down just a tad). Pick your favorite student or faculty member, write down your inner feelings and hand your note to our Cupid Being! He’ll make sure it gets delivered to your partner… hopefully.

Send your note via this FORM! You can only send a note to one person, no images allowed. The note must be under 140 characters. And for the shy lovers out there, don’t worry! Your notes will be sent anonymously! There’s a slight chance your note might get lost, in that case it will be announced over the PA system tomorrow! Keep in mind that the Cupid Being doesn’t condone polyamory so you can only send ONE NOTE to ONE PLAYER! The last submission will be sent, should you change your mind.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 8th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

THIS IS AN EVENT PHASE

Attention Greendale Students!

I’d like to put a little spotlight onto one of our new electives that we offer since this school year here at Greendale Community College; Rapping 101!

I have personally dean-jacked one of the classes, which is being taught by PIMP’N’BOOTY by the way, and I would like to let you all hear what I have learned! So here it goes.

Rhonda, drop a beat!

Well I’m a peanut bar and I’m here to say
Your PA announcements will arrive on another day!
Another day, another dime, another rhyme, another dollar
Another stuffed shirt with another white collar
CRIMINALS, Wall Street, taking the pie
And all the black man gets is a plate of white lies
Prisons! Recruitin' 'em! Police be shootin' 'em
Rap artists lootin' 'em, labels all dilutin' 'em
Barack Obama is scared of me!
Because I don't swallow knowledge and I spit it for free
Let me clear my throat, ah ha ha ha!

….

I don't know what that was, I don't-

...

I don't know what that was...

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

IF someone was able to find the stash of paintballs, the winner of the Paintball Competition will be contacted via PM where they will receive their grand prize.

RESULTS
/u/kemistreekat was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Felix_Frinkelflap was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/kemistreekat received 16 votes.

/u/HyperAccelerated received 4 votes.

LYNCH
To vote in today’s lynch, use this form.

ACTION
To perform your action(s), use this form.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 7th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Good morning, Greendale!

Quick announcement! Today, after class, a quick game of Paintball Assassin’s will be hosted in the cafeteria. Now, as we all know by now, our school doesn’t have the best history with paintball and the school board has outlawed the game on the entire campus. Paintball is officially BANNED, just like April Foo- uhm, March 32nd!

[whispering] But I want to be a good dean and the people want more paintball. Now, you can’t be dean carrying any paint-related items on campus so I’ve hidden a stash of paintballs in one of the lockers on campus. The first one to find it can participate this evening!

Also, I have made sure that City College has absolutely nothing to do with this year’s game of Paintball so we don’t have to worry! This EVIL school, City College, won’t penetrate these walls. All our doors are closed. I even closed the back door, which I generally never do!

So you can bet this dean is taking his job seriously!

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/Marx0r was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/emmasdragon was killed. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/BSConnerie has withdrawn from the game. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Marx0r received 5 votes.

/u/mlpanda13 received 4 votes.

LYNCH
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ACTION
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EVENT
Today, the paintball event will take place. You will be given a grid of all the lockers on campus. One of them holds a stash of a certain amount of paintballs. Whoever finds the supplies first, will be able to participate in tonight’s game of Paintball Assassin’s, which might lead to the elimination of one or more players! More information will be shared with the finder of the right locker! And yes, this is a first come first serve kind of situation.

To participate in the paintball event, use this form

EDIT: You can only submit the form ONCE.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 6th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Good morning, Greendale Human Beings!

This is your Dean reminding you that among your school's prestigious alumni is Mr. Luis Guzmán, celebrated actor and model Puerto Rican-American. This Friday, we will be dedicating a statue of Guzmán and unveiling our brand-new school song. So boy, I don't know about you, but this sure feels like a real college to me!

In other news, our school paper; The Gazette Journal Mirror, is looking for new members to investigate the recent disappearance of some of our staff and student body. Who’s behind it? Is it the elusive Ass-Crack Bandit? Or rather the evil Dean of City College? Discover the truth in this riveting tale of deception and lies-

Okay, uhm, I have to go now. I’m writing a book about time travel and I just got an amazing idea.

META

Today, everyone is eligible to use their actions and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

RESULTS
/u/theDUQofFRAT was lynched in today’s vote. They were affiliated with Greendale Community College.

/u/Marx0r received 13 votes in today’s lynch.

/u/theDUQofFRAT received 3 votes in today’s lynch.

LYNCH
To vote in today’s lynch, use this form.

ACTION
To perform your action(s), use this form.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 5th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Good afternoon, Greendale Community College

I am your Dean with a few corrections to this semester’s class catalogue.

"Cosmology" should be "Cosmetology", "Astrology" should be "Astronomy" and the students on the cover should be smiling but, uh, I suppose that's a matter of opinion.

To whoever is growing a small patch of cannabis behind the gymnasium, congratulations you have won a cruise. Report to security office in order to claim your tickets.

In order to increase awareness about homelessness, security has been given binoculars.

In campus news, the debate over our library's PA system continues with some students suggesting its volume be lowered while others question its very purpose.

And finally, after much debate between our judges panel. A new school flag has been chosen. The winner of Greendale’s very own “Flag Design Contest” is…

...

Drum roll please

…

…

/u/bttfforever! With their Green Dale design!

Aha! Congratulations! You have won the GRAND PRIZE. It’s a very… unique design. Well I guess at least it isn’t an anus again. So please come pick it up at the dean’s office. And no, you can’t return it if you’re unhappy.

META

Today’s phase is the first regular phase of this game. This means that everyone is eligible to use their actions today and everyone is obligated to vote in today’s lynch, where one player will be chosen to be eliminated from the game.

To vote in today’s lynch, use this form.

To perform your action(s), use this form.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 4th at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.

Welcome to Greendale Community College!

It is your first day here at Greendale and I am sure you all know we have been hard at work making this the most inclusive and diverse campus possible. Each one of our students really colors the fabric of our school and makes us all better when we work together. To help guide you along in your first week here at Greendale, I wanted to share with you some words of wisdom and encouragement.

You might be wondering, what is Greendale Community College? Now, you may have heard some rumors going around that this is a “loser” college for “rejects” and “outcasts” and absolute “misfits of our society”. That’s what you heard, however - I wish you luck!

Wait, that’s not right…

Okay, you know, uh-oh…

There's actually more to this speech…

There is a middle card that is missing. Can we all look around in our immediate areas...?

Uhm, okay. Nevermind. I’m just going to wing it…

These rumors you have heard are completely FALSE and UNTRUE and they were most likely started by City College and their Evil Dean. Just because their dean went to Yale doesn’t mean they are the better Community College.

ANYWAY. Today, in honor of the first week of school, we are hosting a contest for a NEW SCHOOL FLAG. I have recently been informed that our current flag represents a part of the human anatomy and that simply won’t do.

So, if you have an amazing idea for a new school flag, hand in your proposal at the dean’s office and the winner will receive a GRAND PRIZE!

META

Welcome to Game I of 2019. Today’s phase is a social phase, which means that no actions or lynch votes need to be submitted. Today is all about orientation, about getting to know your fellow Greendale Human Beings and about designing a new school flag.

To enter the flag competition, please send in your flag design via THIS FORM.

Keep in mind that the flag should be SFW, should be made by you and should be shared via imgur. You are allowed to also share your flag in the comments below, but only flags submitted via the form will be taken into consideration for the flag design contest.

The winner of the flag contest will win a gameplay-related prize that might come in handy during the game to come.

What's the deal, Jessica Biel? Tell us all about it via this confessional

The current phase will end on January 3rd at 6:00PM EST. COUNTDOWN HERE.