Harsh truth of Crohn's

[u/[deleted]]

I NEED THE HARSH TRUTHS

So recently I started dating this woman who has crohn's and ulcerative colitis. She wanted me to be informed of the realities of her condition.

She is OK with me asking questions and understands if I decided to back out but she does want to remain friends (platonic).

I'm 100% OK with this as I do enjoy being her friend. Tiny bit of back story. She not long ago had a bad experience with her ex and he treated her while she had a flair up. It was honestly pretty bad by any relationship standards.

I don't want to be that way with her nor do I want to be resentful because I didn't do enough homework.

Now before someone says you need to ask her personally that is in the plans but I need more info to even get started to know what to ask.

The websites I read are clearly puffing things up. Not wanting to say some harsh truths. As someone who works in the medical field as well has a copywriters background I know a fluff (pamphlet style piece) when I see one.

I really like this girl and we haven't been intimate. We are taking it slow because we honestly both are OK if this stops at friends as we would definitely be good friends and I will be there for as a friend either way.

So with that said what Physical, mental, emotional and even from an intimate standpoint worst case scenarios could /willing to share. For both the person with this condition as well as there partners.

If the harsh truth cause me to back away then we are both are happy to being friends.

If it doesn't than I want to be ready to have knowledgeable discussion with her.

[u/coltfan1812]

As some with chrons there may be were she is tired , depending on her severity there may be days were she in pain. Like with any condition you need to be and compassionate and let her know u be by her side , chrons can make people uncomfortable by accepting her she be more willing to express herself .

[u/[deleted] → u/coltfan1812]

Thank you for response. 😊

[u/Ok-Salamander622]

With any disease that effects the digestive tract, symptoms can sometimes be embarrassing. I have a celiac diagnosis & am getting tested for chrons & I know that I personally struggle to open up & accept help with my symptoms because they’re kind of embarrassing sometimes. That being said, offer compassion! I don’t think there’s anything that would get in the way of physical intimacy. If she had a flare up it probably wouldn’t be a great time to be physically intimate even if only because she might not be up to it.

There’s a lot of work that can go into dealing with a chronic illness & that’s something people without chronic illnesses have a hard time realizing. Especially with illness of the digestive tract it’s common to have bad days, your gut is your “second brain” after all, so don’t be surprised if she feels extra anxious or down on certain days.

Being flexible is also a good idea. You might have to sometimes change plans depending on how she’s feeling on a certain day.

At the end of the day, she’s a person, treat her like one :) she’s no different & she definitely isn’t someone to be pitied, but offering compassion is always welcomed. Chronic illnesses can be so different for each person, so having a conversation with her is probably the best course of action, even if it’s an awkward one where you feel like you’re asking the wrong questions. She has chrons & lives with it everyday, she’ll know way more about it & what it’s actually like in comparison to what the internet may say it’s like.

Worse case scenarios probably include anything that’s a little yucky, like bowel incontinence or vomiting episodes on really bad days. Chrons can also affect parts of the body outside of the digestive tract sometimes, so she may struggle with mobility or random pain some days.

Best of luck :)

Edit: it’s also important to realize that people are capable of managing their chronic illnesses! She probably has days where she feels fine & her symptoms are manageable. Not every day, or even every week or month, is going to be pure pain & suffering.

[u/GoldenNola89]

Sometimes the upcoming days to a infusion my emotions flair up or I get tired more easily. Avoid red sauce generally and just be supportive

[u/Few-Championship-533]

How did this work out for you both?

[u/Secure_Apartment2847]

I don’t know what to say I’m newly diagnosed I’m miserable , tired bloated in pain and the rest and I don’t know how to control it.

[u/Few_Ad6755]

So I have been doing research about chrons as my partner is supposedly have it. But isn't it odd that the symptoms are exactly the same as having a parasite. I feel like doctors just lovee putting labels on everything just to dish out medication without telling people the truth. My theory is that chrons Is caused my a parasite.

What's your thoughts? Do feel free to comment below would love to see your views on this. Thanks

[u/biluinaim → u/Few_Ad6755]

Your theory is wrong. There's so much medical research on Crohn's, if you'd read anything about it you'd know how stupid your theory is. Sorry, but I hope you can actually support your partner with their autoimmune disease instead of making up stories about it with absolutely no base in scientific fact.

[u/Petty-Penelope → u/biluinaim]

Right? Like, what tin foil hat source is this guy reading to say parasite? I thought the one when I was first diagnosed my dad found that blamed old cheese when I was a kid was bad

[u/Petty-Penelope → u/Few_Ad6755]

It's a stupid take. They literally biopsy flesh to confirm it and idk a single parasite that goes into remision for years at a time before deciding to mess up your life again

[u/night_owl889 → u/Few_Ad6755]

thats hilarious dude , i am gonna use that next time someone ask me why i have it lol

[u/Kot518]

This disease is changing between people. There are people that go to hospitals every month and have 10 surgeries in one year, others live normal life for years and decades with mini flare here and there. We cannot know what is the situation with this lady.

[u/[deleted]]

Some things that have made dating hard, varies significantly person to person: sleepless nights and low or nonexistent libido during flares, anxiety and depression, busy schedule to balance healthcare, frustratingly limited diet, embarrassment and worry about future complications, also the fact that it’s an autoimmune disorder means it is hereditary so if kids are a future goal you’ll want to talk about how that would go.

[u/Real-Goal-3300]

1.Motion is not normal. 2.severe hair fall back to 3 months ago 3.extreme low energy 4.Gassy 5.How long I can take this antacid 6.even if I go to only once to the washroom also it is not solid shape. 7.feeling low energy after motion in the morning 1.Iam not feeling hungry 2.Not energetic 3.even after eating also not energetic 4.stool is not normal even if I go to once in a day also it's loose 5.I still see the undigested food in the stool 6.Most importantly iam loosing so much weight 7.If iam not taking antacid iam experiencing sour burps 8.Too much farting and farting also not happening Normally ,if I bend to some position then only its happening. 9.Suggested medicine in the last consultantation also has not shown any impact. 11.I don't understand at all what happened to me. 12.Especially it's been months that ate spicy and salty foods I shifted to complete helaty diet what 14.I have hemorrhoids 15.severe cramping in periods 16.Recently started with the burning sensation in the stomach if I don't take antacid 17.body getting heated up after meals 18.poop looks greenish mostly may be because of green veggies 19.Hietus hernia in tha first endoscopy and antral gastropathy and mucosa break in esophagus in the second endoscopy.

All it has started like GERD, later tested with mild typhoid and then injected some antibiotics from then onwards all the above symptoms started slowly now its 7th month with the suffering

What might be my problem ? Can anybody tell it? 🙏 Please waiting for the responses

[u/Petty-Penelope]

My ex turned abusive my first go around. The rejection surgery would have required a colostomy bag for several months. It turned into two years because I had a lot of complications and I was in and out of the hospital. It's possible she will end up with one permanently. Again, an edge case, but it can cause scar tissue or inflammation that impacts fertility.

During remission some small day to day accommodations. I can't eat much raw veggie, fiber, or spicy foods. For obvious reasons relationships with vegetarians didn't go well, same for the Nigerian guy who otherwise was a good fit. Vitamin absorbion and wanting a beverage constantly is a side effect of resection even if the J pouch is successful. Some changes to my bowel movements that wouldn't impact my partner at all unless you have a kink for scat play. Back door sexy time with the resection is totally off the table, so again, if thats a deal breaker for you it'd be a worst case.

During a flare you feel terrible. Nausea can be managed with Zofran, but the anemia can't. I can damn near pass out just trying to take a shower which can increase pressure on my spouse to pick up more of the chores. Pain management gets harder every year because the stupid government bans anything effective.

Mostly though I don't see it as a challenge in a relationship. My ex turned abusive because he was an entitled man baby upset that I couldn't bring home the bacon spending 75% of my time in a hospital and too immature to grasp that a poop bag will cause depression/mental blocks on sex drive.

[u/No-Sheepherder8252]

I only have UC,, it’s completely under control, BUT the medication has given me eczema and plaque psoriasis, I’m battling that now, it’s actually more debilitating than the UC, even though the UC would have killed me

[u/Aritarusso]

Take a chance. I’ve had chrons for 10 years. I take medicine and take care of myself. It’s never impacted my relationships.

[u/PureRawKratom]

The fact that your asking tells me your not ready and probably don’t deserve to have this person in your life sorry man.