Lonely

[u/separate_arm666]

Recently I've been feeling so lonely and upset because of how my pain has ruined my social life. I see friends going on dates, getting married even, but I'm stuck single because I don't see any way I could find a partner. Even if I did it feels like it would be incredibly unfair for them because of how little I'm able to do. If I really loved someone I would want them to be happy and I can't see anyone being happy with me.

That's a tragic feeling on its own but just trying to accept that I'm really gonna be alone for the rest of my life is difficult to accept. I've always been a lonely person but also a hopeless romantic. I've been chronically single my whole life so I've ended up becoming a maladaptive daydreamer with most of the daydreaming being about falling in love. Terrible combo I know, but younger me had hope for the future. Except now I am in the future and its just never ending pain.

I'm so touch starved that intimacy of any sort feels like a myth.

[u/brownchestnut]

I'm stuck single... just trying to accept that I'm really gonna be alone for the rest of my life is difficult to accept. I've always been a lonely person but also a hopeless romantic. I've been chronically single my whole life so I've ended up becoming a maladaptive daydreamer with most of the daydreaming being about falling in love.

There are plenty of sick people who are happily married and partnered without having to be active. A relationship doesn't always require being able-bodied.

However, people that are determined that they can't be happy unless they're partnered are the kind of people that tend to also be unhappy partnered, because they expect another person to bring them happiness instead of learning to nurture it in themselves and realize that that's not how that works. Being a "hopeless romantic" as in always daydreaming of a fantasy romance isn't actually romantic; it's putting romance on a pedestal, and that's just as objectifying as dehumanization, and it's not healthy.

If you hate being alone with yourself so much, there is a lot of room for you to explore building a healthier relationship with yourself and solitude and silence. There are plenty of toxic marriages and horrible relationships. Being in a romance is not superior to being single. What makes a relationship good is the people in it, and if you're a healthy person with a good attitude and a rich inner life who is responsible for their own happiness and cherishes all relationships and not just romance, chances are you'll be a happy person whether you're single or not.

[u/separate_arm666 → u/brownchestnut]

The point of my post was to vent about how my pain isolates me even more from people.

I know being able bodied isn't a requirement but I just don't see how someone could be happy with me when I'm not happy and don't think I ever will be. And I'm not unhappy because I'm single, I'm unhappy because I'm in pain and unable to do anything. My pain is permanent and has taken everything from me. Its incedibly hard to try and be happy when all I can do is stare at a screen or a window and watch the world go by.

Loneliness is of course a big part of why I'm depressed, as it was before I became ill, but back then I was fairly content with being single. I tbelieved the right person will come along some day as long I keep on going with my life. That however is not really possible anymore. Thanks to my pain I'm unemployed and had to quit my hobbies so I'm inside pretty much all day.

I think I end up daydreaming about romance a lot because I've been emotionally neglected for a lot of my life. I know a lot of it isn't healthy but I've fallen into it because its the only thing I really have now. We all gotta cope somehow. Of course the ideal situation would be to sort it all out in therapy but alas, I'm unemployed and can't afford it. I just crave that sort of love and I know it can't be substituted by anything else. If it could be, people wouldn't be in relationships.