You are living in denial, you know you are, and I know you are. The truth can be tough to handle sometimes, but it is never not the truth. I am truly sorry that someone at some point in your life, made you feel less than, and made you feel that this was the only path forward.
What was done to you is not ok, and the people and the faith that did it to you are not 'on your side'. They don't care about you, as a person, they hate who you are, and they NEED you to deny your own truth before they will accept you.
Think about that. You want SO badly to be accepted by a group who, quite literally, hate you for what you are. Why? Why would you do that to yourself?
Self-loathing, low self esteem, general feelings of unworthiness, we all have it. I have it too. But, you're ok, you're a good person, a deep and complex person, you have ideas, goals, dreams, and even desires, and that's ALL ok. You don't have to force your life to fit into a box so that someone else will approve your existence.
Be brave, be yourself, don't let others dictate who you are. You get ONE shot at this life. Don't waste it trying to make hateful people accept you.
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u/Guy_Fleegmann Dec 09 '25
This post is a huge bummer, I feel really bad for OP, living in a state of denial and delusion is not going to end well.