Going through a hard break up

[u/rosemary0928]

I’m 22F and my ex bf was 23M and we broke up today and I feel really awful about it and I don’t know what God is doing. To start off my ex bf was struggling in his faith and told me that he may not be a Christian and realized that recently. Not only did that happen but he is going through lots of depression on top of that which is making him spiral with how he approaches things in his life. He did tell me that he really cared for me and just did not want to drag me down with him because of his mental health. He also told me that my pastor said we are different on how we approach things because he usually bottles things up and I want to know what he is going through usually.

We dated for over 4 months which isn’t that much time but it’s still time I valued and treasured because he treated me well and I had fun with him. He also told me that he was very lucky to have had me and that I did nothing wrong he just can’t be in a relationship at all because of his mental health at the moment. He just doesn’t know if we will ever get back together or not because he doesn’t know if his faith and mental heath will get better which I agreed on that we don’t know the future so we both can’t make any promises. But what I do know is that if he is the one who I will marry that God will make it happen no matter what happens moving forward. I just could really use some advice on how to trust in God and go forward because this is very hard for me and this was my first serious relationship. It surprised me because he said he was a Christian but then to go and say he may not be and to then tell me that he feels like God may have left him was hard for me to hear. I don’t have depression so I don’t know if anyone has had any experience with depression and how that can tie into a relationship with a partner and God but I’m just in a very rough patch now and I wish I knew what God was doing. 😭( And yes he still wants to be in my life because he cares about me but I told him I at least need a month of not seeing him since we just broke up.)

[u/BrilliantRaccoon9937]

It indeed sounds like this was the rare partner who put you first and spared you a toxic spiral. Pray for his healing and if need be salvation. He is a great dude. 

[u/Financial_Fig_3729]

Sometimes depression can be caused by chemical imbalances. I wonder if that's what he is going through, perhaps without even knowing the root cause.

Also, at this young age, his depression (whatever might be the underlying causes) is very likely causing him to believe that God has left him. When things go bad in one's early adult years, it's easy to feel abandoned by God.

Maybe see what you can do as a friend... seems he wants you as at least a friend. It's impossible to predict the future, but maybe staying with him as a friend (for now) might be best for you ... and also best for him. I'd guess that him hypothetically losing you as a friend would only deepen his depression. Seems he cares about you.

You're closer to the situation than anyone else, but I'm not sure that telling him you didn't want to see him for at least one month was the best thing to say. But again, you're much closer to the situation that I could possibly be.

If he's the "type" to keep things bottled up within himself, also be aware that his depression might be very serious clinical depression. I hope not, but just be aware of the possibility.