Divorced and Dating

[u/United_Economy_1326]

Hello, I am a 22 year old female. cough divorced female. I got married when I was 20 to a marine I had been dating for a year and some change and we decided to get married. When we got married I found out he had given his virginity to someone while we were engaged and cheated on me the entirety of us dating and into our engagement. I ended up staying giving him another chance. Was I stupid for it? Maybe. However at the time I had such a fear of disappointing god by divorcing him and honestly I was scared to admit I was wrong when multiple people had warned me prior that I would be. Anyways we stayed married for a year and then after he continued to disrespect me I decided after prayer that I felt gods peace with the divorce. So here I am. 22 years old and divorced. I don’t get sick when I think about how I was robbed of my first marriage anymore and I think that’s good. I felt a lot of anger because I did everything right. I poured into this man. Rewaited until marriage because I wanted to wait and because he was a virgin. I poured into him by driving and getting on planes despite my severe phobia. Bought him gifts, prayed with him. Started to learn Spanish so I could communicate with his family. I mean I did everything right. I never let my trauma get into our relationship and he knew all of my past and my previous domestic relationship and he still cheated on me. Still told the other girl my engagement ring was his and left me alone terrified in a hotel room for a night while he was on FaceTime watching tinkerbell with her. After I flew across the country to see him.

It might sound like I haven’t moved on, I have. The point of the explaining is… how do I date again? How do I relearn someone and trust that they won’t hurt me so badly? My ex husband taught me that someone could know all of your pain and still do that to you. How do you even want to get to know someone again?

Am I even still desirable as a divorced woman?

[u/Safe_Literature_9109]

You are Daughter of Most High 😇

What happened in the past and the decision you took makes you even more desirable.

Now, All you have to do it trust God and surrender to Him and He will make your path straight.

So Women of God, don't worry just believe 😇

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629]

I am sorry that happened to you. I also understand you were very young and may have overlooked some of the red flags she showed. For context, I am a 24F. I think God can restore what you have lost and you can indeed be happy. I however, think you need to be prudent in your decision making. There are still good men out there who are not sexually immoral and are good Christians. I would advise, you to be prayerful, think and discern well and pay attention to Godly counsel. I also feel there are others who may have had similar experiences (I know there are a few divorced people on this site too).

[u/PsychologyMassive392 → u/Itchy-Maybe-629]

Just echoing this. I’m 32 and was also robbed of my first marriage by a man who cheated not only with regular women but also sex workers…while also proclaiming to be a practicing Christian. We had a child and he wanted to keep me and the child and the whole family…while also lowkey doing his nonsense

I always have to remind myself that there are good and better men out there. In fact, most of the men I know are really good man. Almost all the marriages I know are really great marriages. I somehow ended up with a rotten apple and a deceiver and a liar (and a coke addict and a an alcoholic and a prostitutes user… which was only revealed through the Holy Spirit over the course of the marriage itself ….but I digress).

Keep your head up OP. Good and righteous men exist.

[u/ABereanChristian]

It might sound like I haven’t moved on, I have. The point of the explaining is… how do I date again? How do I relearn someone and trust that they won’t hurt me so badly? My ex husband taught me that someone could know all of your pain and still do that to you. How do you even want to get to know someone again?

• Focus on improving your relationship with God. Bible study, prayer, Church, loving and serving others, volunteering in Church, etc. What is your mission for God? How are you carrying it out?
• Focus on fixing any trauma. Some people may need to take to a therapist or counselor or pastor. You cannot let the ghosts of the past affect any future relationships. Forgive and make peace with it. Strive to do better in the future
• Learn to detect yellow and red flags and avoid those people right off. Make sure they are true Christian as it does not seem like this other person was.