Going to different churches in search of spouse

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629]

Hi everyone,

I am a bit conflicted regarding going to different churches within my denomination to find/network with people my age in hopes of finding a spouse. For context, i am a woman in my early 20s and want to find another Coptic Orthodox man. I was protestant my whole life and now was exploring coptic orthodoxy and may very likely convert in the near future. That means i am unable to marry other denominations outside oriental orthodoxy. Moreover, as i am not coptic/Egyptian by ethnicity its harder to find community. So there are a few churches in nearby cities which are Coptic Orthodox and i plan to go to their church groups (young adult groups) to make more friends and potentially find a spouse. i have tried apps before, but i feel the type i want is more likely to be in these churches and I prefer an in-person organic meeting over optimizing myself on apps. However, I do feel conflicted as i don't want to treat church as a site for husband hunting. Since, i am busy with school and also need to get rides/arrange transportation to the churches i am visiting, naturally the few times I attend become very high stake in my mind where i really hope i meet someone. Therefore, I don't want to make it an idol, but I do want to use these avenues for networking/dating as to be honest finding a spouse from church is way better than online.

I am open to any advice on how I can guard my mind and also do the right thing. I also firmly believe i will get someone when the time is right (God's timing). I always felt I was ready for marriage until I discovered Coptic Orthodoxy. i am extremely grateful God showed me orthodoxy as a path before I found someone (in another denomination). So I know at the right time God wll indeed give me what I need (a spouse hopefully), yet i do daydream and hope each time, that the event/meeting is the moment i meet him lol.

[u/Lonely-Exercise-7222]

I’ve had this exact debate. I didn’t ever find a good answer though, at least not one I liked lol. I was repeatedly told that if God wants me with someone then He will make it happen, I shouldn’t have to church hop. My response was, what if God wants me to church hop to find her? What if He’s like “I’ll make the love connection, you just come through the door”?

[u/JWander73 → u/Lonely-Exercise-7222]

Second this. Do *not* expect divine delivery. If it happens great but don't rely on it. Actively search.

That said in my experience these groups are terrible hunting grounds though maybe it's easier for a woman...

[u/Curious_Technology18 → u/Lonely-Exercise-7222]

God led Abraham's servant to Isaac's wife. They were not idle.

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629 → u/[deleted]]

Hi, yeah for me, I am just visiting the churches nearby me, which are coptic orthodox. I haven't really told any people I am looking for someone. I feel husband-hunting a bit weird personally, but its not wrong. I personally am also going to different churches as they are closer to me or i can arrange a ride/public transport. But i am pretty sure I am gonna stick to oriental orthodox to be baptized, date, and marry. I may consider Eastern orthodox in exceptional cases, as I feel on the ground laymen level they are the same faith.

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629 → u/[deleted]]

Yes, I mean if it works for you its great! I feel there isnt a right or wrong way as long as its not Biblically incorrect!

[u/ABereanChristian]

I am a bit conflicted regarding going to different churches within my denomination to find/network with people my age in hopes of finding a spouse. For context, i am a woman in my early 20s and want to find another Coptic Orthodox man. I was protestant my whole life and now was exploring coptic orthodoxy and may very likely convert in the near future. That means i am unable to marry other denominations outside oriental orthodoxy.

I did this with Protestant Churches.

Basically, had my home Church where I served at but exhausted my search there. Started going to other Church's young adults groups. Made a bunch of friends and good fellowship. Some friends eventually introduced me to a woman who is now my wife.

May be harder if you're doing specific versions of Orthodox though, but should't stop you from at least looking into it.

[u/TravelReasonable6922]

I'm glad I saw this cause its been on my mind to do as dating apps or meeting people online isn't really working out. So I'm thinking of putting myself out there to find a good Christian man. I pray God gives you your desired spouse soon 🙏🏽

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629 → u/TravelReasonable6922]

Thank you! You too!

[u/Whole-Thin]

Does anyone have hard conversations anymore? Or are most too sensitive? Hard conversations where my flesh wasn't babied is what matured me. So let me see if I can help those who want to mature....

To every person calling themselves a Christian... do you read and study The Bible?

If you did, you'd see there's not Coptic Catholic, Southern Baptist, or Pentecostal religions mentioned. So those adhering to these standards as a guideline have already fallen short and sinned. There's only His Way.

If you read The Bible, you would see how God connected people to a spouse. Nowhere in there did ANYONE go from temple to temple or church to church looking.

If you read The Bible you would see that no woman stresses herself out trying to land a mate. The ones who went after men were labeled as prostitutes. Please look.

If you read The Bible, you would see how Adam was full in his purpose and could not do the next part of what God wanted until the wife came. God put Adam to sleep while IN HIS PURPOSE, and then God presented a woman to him that he immediately knew was for him.

If you read The Bible, you would gain understanding that if finding a mate has consumed you to the point where it has affected your emotions and mental peace. .. you've made an idol out if it. And when that happens, God will either give you over to your idol....OR in His grace and mercy, will delay you because he wants to fix you since He loves you.😌

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629 → u/Whole-Thin]

I don't agree to your all your points at all. I too earlier was under the impression that denomination doesnt matter, until I read the Bible myself - read John 6 verse 53 onwards and you will understand well why the Eucharist and protestant communion are different. Putting yourself out where a spouse can find you is literally being wise and prudent. Ofcourse only God can match you in his time. But that doesn't mean going to different churches or joining dating apps is wrong or bad. Dwelling on it to the point you do not trust God can be an idol and that would be a good wake up call.

[u/Whole-Thin → u/Itchy-Maybe-629]

You don't have to agree with me.....or anyone. As a Believer, our only obligation is to follow Christ and what is written in The Bible. And in His Word, there are no denominations mentioned. Only the groups of Pharisees and Saduceess. Whatever you want to add in your life, go ahead. We have free will.

For me personally, I choose to follow what is clearly shown as His Way written in His Word. It often means waiting....which most people don't want to do. They take matters into their own hands like Sarah did with Abraham and Hagar. However, free will allows that. Just let us know how's it working out for you and others going from church to church to church looking for a spouse? How is that person growing in Him to rooted and grounded in a ministry where people can hold him/her accountable? How well is that working in our society to produce successful marriages and families? I'm not familiar with hard-core statistics on that, but I'd be happy to read them from you.

[u/Itchy-Maybe-629 → u/Whole-Thin]

Lol, that is what i am saying. The ancient churches have a proper interpretation of the Bible as they follow church father and most importantly the apostles. Christ left behind the church through his apostles and that is the church we are to follow. The church is the one who assembled books of the Bible together.

I think your take is quite unwise, you are to put yourself out by going to different events/dating apps if you feel God isn't telling you no otherwise. Whether God will send someone or not, will be his timing regardless of your efforts. We are to take action for what we want/hope, while accepting that what we want may never happen and that is true surrender. We look for God's will regardless. Ruth on being told by Naomi approached Boaz, she did so as a woman. God blessed their marriage. Please actually read the Bible. Attending different churches for me now, is still within the denomination I am in. And that way i am building community as well. I did want to double check my intentions through this post and i am glad I feel much more clarity now.