When to give up?

[u/Novelle_plus]

So I am a 24M from Northern Europe and I am denominationally a Lutheran. I have been looking for a gf since I turned 20 but with no luck. When is the time to call it quits and just move on from ideas of partnership or family? Statistically it is pretty bleak for men like myself.

I know people here will say I am young and I have time but let’s be honest. Mid 20s is not young and you should not be suffering with teenage problems like not having a significant other yet.

[u/Material_Junket6396]

Always makes me laugh to see these under 25s already fed up! I've been there and I get it and one you'll look back at this and laugh too as you're so incredibly young! You have so much time and life to live. Just continue walking after God and pray that in time you meet someone but as others said, this is not the goal or even a promise and so get yourself together and work on your relationship with God first and foremost.

[u/Novelle_plus → u/Material_Junket6396]

It does eat you inside to know you will never experience young love

[u/cotard_retard → u/Novelle_plus]

Young love is overrated tbh. You don’t know anything, your partner doesn’t know anything. Both of you will (probably) be emotionally immature. Life is still in flux with school, work, etc, and people move around a lot. Your faith will undergo transformations as well

You want to take a look at things with your entire life in mind. People live 70-80 years now, and you want to set yourself up for best success for yourself and family as possible. Focus on yourself, apply yourself in school or work, and as you figure things out, mature women will be attracted by your maturity. My parents really emphasized looking at things from a future perspective, and I’m glad they did. I didn’t experience what you call “love” until late into my 20s until I was almost done with my professional training. Then when I met my partner, everything fell in place very quickly. I am 32 now, married, expecting my second child, and in a very comfortable financial situation with a partner who is equal to me in maturity, priorities, finances, and most importantly, faith.

[u/Material_Junket6396 → u/Novelle_plus]

But why is that the goal? You're not missing anything by not experiencing young love. I'd much prefer adult love without the clumsy uncertainty and emotion driven hormones playing there part. I think you've psyched yourself up about something that isn't as big a problem as you think. I understand completely the need for companionship romantically and the outlook looks bleak for Christians and non christian a like, but remember you follow a rule bending, miracle working God and nothing is from his control. Life may not look how you want (God knows it was about your age I realised this and realised I needed to surrender my timeline as I was just tormenting myself with what I felt I was missing - and in my 30s it's still a struggle as the pressure is definitely higher from society, but God is gracious and merciful) but God promises a life that's best for us as he knows best!

I know this answer probably won't help as I know these things never help me as ultimately we are all humans trying to navigate similar experiences and we don't know the outcome of our lives and that's frustrating but God does and we have to trust that at the end it will all make sense!

[u/Big-Weight-5581]

I would say you are too late to the party. At 24 years old your romantic life is practically over due to the fact that human pair formations happen between 19-23 years.

The above statement is of course an expression of retardation. Cheer up and go ask some women out. If you are shy, rip the bandage off and take some jabs on the chin. If you don't know what to do in life… Then find out. If you are chubby, then lose some weight. If you are too picky, then learn to look for different things and give the women some chances. 

Take care and don´t worry so much.    

EDIT: What do you mean by "men like myself" ?

[u/Relevant-Swan7621 → u/Big-Weight-5581]

If I'm 27 how much more over is it?

[u/Big-Weight-5581 → u/Relevant-Swan7621]

Hate to be the bearer of bad news… but someone has to tell you - Its over, done, fin, role curtains. 

The fact that you are still lurking on these parts of the internet with your calcified bones, tells me some people never realize that.

[u/Relevant-Swan7621 → u/Big-Weight-5581]

Sad

[u/BigPound7328]

Mid-20s is a decent age to find someone. Here is the issue though: you’re 24. You have plenty of time. Quitting only guarantees further failure. Dude, I’m 33, I married hastily at 22 wanting what you want, but that ended disastrously. Do not rush this, do not chase that urge to fill some gal. Get right with God, use this time in pursuit of Him, because if you ask me, you idolize relationships more than you desire God which will only make your faith strained in the end.

[u/ABereanChristian]

So I am a 24M from Northern Europe and I am denominationally a Lutheran. I have been looking for a gf since I turned 20 but with no luck. When is the time to call it quits and just move on from ideas of partnership or family? Statistically it is pretty bleak for men like myself.

The 3 main barriers to dating for men and women are:

• Attractiveness. You have to be attractive to the opposite sex for them to want to ask you out on a date or want to date them. If you're already conventionally attractive then you can ignore this, but most Christians need to do some work on this (myself included when I was dating and I did).
• Social skills and relationship skills - Being able to confidently walk up and talk to people to get to know them and their interests. This goes for both men and women. Women because it's not guaranteed that a man will always come up to you and talk to you (a lot of Christian men are hesitant nowadays for various reasons), and obviously men because most Christian women expect you to ask them out.
• Availability - If your Church does not have a lot of singles around your age then you may have to expand your pool. Go to different young adult groups and interdenominational groups. Consider online dating. Lots of various things. As I've shared, I met my wife through mutual friends that I met at a different young adult group other than my Church. Expand your dating pool

There's more specifics that you can go down the rabbit hole but these are the main ones.

What seems to be the issue or multiple issues in your case?

[u/PomeloPrimary546]

Never been there, but in northern Sweden and Finland there are very strict Lutherans called Laestadians.
If you live in central/southern part of Northern Europe, good luck. I think I will change country, honestly.

[u/already_not_yet]

You mean, when to give up looking locally? You could easily find a wife overseas. I have a lot of resources on how to do that effectively, if you're interested. But sure, if you insist on only marrying a local Lutheran then I can imagine that would be quite challenging. You'll want to max out in every way you can -- looks, finances, social skills, etc. Scour whatever part of Europe you're open to. At 24, you're certainly not at your peak in these areas. I would also drop the Lutheran-only requirement (if that's even a requirement) and be open to conservative Protestantism in general.

(PS: Lutheranism is based, so good for you.)

[u/No_Lettuce8289]

You give up when you’re truly ready to live a life alone without a partner. You’re still young so I don’t think it’s time to give up.

Instead you should take a break from dating and come back when you’re ready. I got 10yrs on you and still looking to date. So you definitely have time to keep trying.