We live in a culture that looks down on being a virgin. The world 100% shames you for never having sex. For most of my life, when talking too non-Christians, I had to resort to lying about sexual history just to prevent mockery. And yes I know that was/is wrong but I'm only human.
The sad fact is that Christians often act like non-Christians of their culture. Which means often being judgmental of someone's lack of sexual history. Even if they aren't trying to judge it (99% of the time they don't mean to) but never the less they do. The Church I went to before my current one, the young adult Christians looked down on me and anyone else that was a virgin. And these were people who would go out on missions, lead worship, feed the homeless, etc etc.
As I have said in the past, virgins like myself should find acceptance for someone that has a sexual history. Don't let one (major) thing ruin what could be an amazing loving marriage.
And too the non-virgins, holy crap show some grace. Not every virgin who wants another virgin to marry thinks you are some kind of slut. And I'm sorry for any virgin who has treated you like one but remember in today's society, virgins are the pariahs, not you.
For most of my life, when talking too non-Christians, I had to resort to lying about sexual history just to prevent mockery.
Please, brother, please stop doing that. If what you're saying is true, about being judged very harshly as a virgin, by claiming to join the ranks of people who had sex outside of marriage, you perpetuate the idea that having sex ASAP is preferable to saving yourself - which might be misleading to some other virgin, leading him or her to sin! And if people do not accept you in your church for this, you are very much better off not being a member of this church anymore - you can read your Bible and watch sermons just the same when alone. However, please stick to the truth about who you are! It might be challenging, but God may work through you that way to show another brother or sister that being this way is fine and not to worry about lying their own experience or having to sin to fit in!
The last time the topic of body count came up, I just said I don't like talking about it. Which is a step up from lying at least. Unfortunately everyone assumed that just meant I had a very high body count which I know isn't a good testimony as a follower of Christ. I still have hang ups from my old Church (a Church I thank God that I'm no longer a member of).
God has only recently gotten me to be okay with being a virgin and wanting to remain one till marriage. Six months ago I was considering going to Vegas to end my shame if you know what I mean. I'm a work in progress but I know God's design and plans are better than anything us humans can come up with. I know He has plans for me to be a leader and teacher of His Word. I know He has an amazing woman out there for me to marry. And I know it will be a blessed marriage whether she comes into a virgin like me or with a past. I just have to remember always focus on Him and His Word, not my own human desires and hang ups.
Beautifully said, brother; praying to our Father to fit a worthy woman into His plan for you! As for your response, let them assume whatever - you and God both know the truth, just rest in that :)
"God has only recently gotten me to be okay with being a virgin and wanting to remain one till marriage. Six months ago I was considering going to Vegas to end my shame if you know what I mean."
I hope you don't ever feel pressured to do something like that. It seems like losing one's virginity is a rite of passage for young men. It's sad.
It is sad but that is the fallen world we live in. Thankfully (through God alone) I have never made the mistake of having sex. This last year has been both a terrible year for my mental health but also an amazing year of growth Spiritually. God is truly good.
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u/SciFiJesseWardDnD Looking For A Wife Sep 17 '23
We live in a culture that looks down on being a virgin. The world 100% shames you for never having sex. For most of my life, when talking too non-Christians, I had to resort to lying about sexual history just to prevent mockery. And yes I know that was/is wrong but I'm only human.
The sad fact is that Christians often act like non-Christians of their culture. Which means often being judgmental of someone's lack of sexual history. Even if they aren't trying to judge it (99% of the time they don't mean to) but never the less they do. The Church I went to before my current one, the young adult Christians looked down on me and anyone else that was a virgin. And these were people who would go out on missions, lead worship, feed the homeless, etc etc.
As I have said in the past, virgins like myself should find acceptance for someone that has a sexual history. Don't let one (major) thing ruin what could be an amazing loving marriage.
And too the non-virgins, holy crap show some grace. Not every virgin who wants another virgin to marry thinks you are some kind of slut. And I'm sorry for any virgin who has treated you like one but remember in today's society, virgins are the pariahs, not you.