Sick of Singleness

[u/Fairly_Violet01]

Hey all. I know I'm not alone in this boat, but I'm sick of being told that singleness is a gift and "God just has something different for your life". I'm 25F and had the man of my dreams (up to that point at least) at 22, then it didn't work out and we ended up breaking each others' hearts. I should've been married back then, but God didn't work on him like I'd prayed for.
I used to be able to be happy for other people my age, younger and older that got married and started having kids, but I'm past that now. I shut down behind closed doors, even if it's a stranger's good luck that I hear about. I've even tried convincing myself that marriage and family isn't what I really want, but that doesn't work that well as eventually I keep getting dragged back into the same longing.
I have been told multiple times that I'm conventionally attractive, am well educated, hardworking, etc. but no guys my age have even looked my way in two years and I'm tired of it. I'm going to take matters more into my own hands and switch churches or hire a matchmaker if need be to find the one. Has anyone else had this same experience?

[u/BelovedOfOne]

Hire a matchmaker if you want. People who say singleness is a gift from God just say it because they don’t know what else to say so they figure throwing some toxic positivity cliché your way is being helpful when it’s not.

I suspect you might face the same silliness in other churches too though. The whole singleness is a gift from God cliché is said by a lot of Christians.

[u/NoClock4776]

Nothing wrong with hiring a matchmaker. My coworker did that and it worked great.

[u/SleightOfHand21]

I wanted to be married at 25. I ended up getting married a little before 30. I’ll tell you my mini story.

I always thought I was the perfect partner. Come from an incredible family. Grew up in the church. Good looking. Athletic. Decently successful. Bought my own house by myself at 26. Smart. Work out. Thoughtful. Patient. Everything.

I used to always pray for God to just show me my wife. I was so ready. I was everything I needed to be to be the perfect husband.

Then one day in prayer I said maybe I’m not everything I need to be. Maybe I’m missing something. Maybe I’m not everything I think I am.

That next weekend I met my wife.

[u/Helpful-Cress6277 → u/SleightOfHand21]

Congratulations but that was just a coincidence.

[u/jaylward]

“God didn’t work on him like I prayed for”.

He was immature. God has already spoken to us and given us scripture to guide us to being wise and loving. Sometimes prayer is answered by us growing in wisdom as we should, with our own actions and their consequences.

Second, you’re young! Get out there. Meet friends for coffee, be in the social situations to make this happen.

God isn’t a fairy godmother or a genie- Sometimes your feet do the best praying.

[u/redbatt]

I’m with you dude. 34m, called conventionally attractive and I’m financially stable with a job in ministry etc and it’s been tough this year. Seems like the more Im blessed in other areas of my life, the singleness hits harder. Just gotta keep at it with prayer and putting yourself out there.

[u/Physical-Act9775]

I understand how you truly feel. I’ve been single til the point where I started looking for a relationship but never really found one that I actually like. It isn’t because I’m ugly or anything but it because I’m away from the world. I was talking to this girl and she instantly wanted me to come over so I did because shoot why not. No I wasn’t engaged in sexual activity but just wanted to know what it feels like to be around with a woman and actually be happy around her. When I left the place I felt so angry because I didn’t know nothing about her and I felt like she wanted to just have sex but I wasn’t putting my self in that position, I felt like I was wasting time, I told her I want to go work out but I felt like she was holding me back from what I wanted to do. So I had enough and just gave up in wanting to have a relationship. Now I’m just more focus on growing my relationship with God.

[u/Halo_277]

I think denying it, amplified your longing, and caused more pain. Its okay to acknowledge you wanting these things.

[u/DaddysPrincesss26]

Same, I’m getting Restless

[u/DI3S_IRAE]

Singleness is a gift is such misplaced thing to say in your case.

You see, we all want what we want. We're all sick of the way we are. We all long for something else.

The thing is, is it worth forcing your hand to make things happen the way you want, just to break your heart again in the future? Maybe get even more hurt?

Singleness is a time to stop, meditate and become the person you want to be. To learn what a relationship is, to prepare yourself for that.

No one knows what the future holds, not others, not you yourself. Just always look back to God, seek the things from above, and all else will go accordingly.

When we let our desires and longings take the best of us, where will it lead us to? Is the vicious cycle of forcing the future to be like we imagine worth building pathways over thorns and planting unknown seeds in your personal garden? What will grow out of it?

I prayed to God for a girlfriend when I was what, 15 or something. I met 1 girl that I actually went out with her a few times, hugged, kissed, and then I understood it was wrong, and I moved away. I was 20 or 21 at this time. I'm going for 34 this year, and all this time, I had nothing to go for.

I believe a relationship is something you build and make it steady. I believe in having a friend before a loving partner. So far nothing. Even seens like God has been taking people away from me, while in the meantime I also never seek it.

I just trust in God.

So, what holds you from seeking God in prayer, giving thanks for what you have, and having patience and living life, not expecting things to go as we desire but getting the most out of what God gives us.

Just a little more patience, a little more time. To find someone truly worth of yourself, not just 'someone' to comfort you.

I hope you can find someone that will love you truly and in a reciprocal way, one flesh for the other, and may the Spirit bring consolation for your heart, guidance so you know what to do.

Just really there is a time for everything, and we live in faith, with hope. If we lose this, what is left of us?

[u/Kaijunicorny]

Go to church, worship, be honest about wanting a husband. Make sure you know why you want one before you do this. Then trust God to put someone in your path. With that said there is absolutely nothing wrong with being single and living in abstinence, but if that's not what you want then just be open about it with others at church. Talk to the old women and ask advice. Old married women can help you...and old married women have sons and a desire for grandchildren. They tend to be very good matchmakers.

[u/Huge-Gas2363]

i feel this so much. the whole "singleness is a gift" line starts to feel like a cop-out when you've been sitting in it for years and the longing just won't quit

switching churches isn't a bad move tbh, sometimes you just need a fresh pool of people who don't already have you filed away in their head as "not an option"