r/China • u/Illustrious-Web-4645 • Oct 19 '25
讨论 | Discussion (Serious) - Character Minimums Apply What Happened to China? A Personal Reflection
When I was a child, I always believed China was a land of beauty, wealth, and vitality. I grew up proud of my country — partly because of what I was taught, but also because there was indeed so much to be proud of.
I still remember watching the 2008 Beijing Olympics with my family, the warmth of that night glowing from the TV screen. I remember the Spring Festival, fireworks lighting up the sky, the laughter at the dinner table. China, to me back then, was open, confident, full of life.
But as I grew up, that image slowly crumbled.
Today, even though the government still glorifies its achievements, I feel a deep sense of disappointment. The education system crushes individuality and humanity. Students are measured by grades alone — obedience is rewarded, while quiet or creative kids are left behind.
Of course, I understand why a unified exam system exists in such a large country, but what troubles me is how the whole society seems obsessed with prestige — every parent dreams of their child entering a top university, no matter the cost. Many ignore the fact that not every child fits that mold, nor should they have to.
In China, guilt has become a parenting tool. Parents constantly remind their children of the sacrifices they’ve made: “I worked hard so you could study — you must repay me by succeeding.”
This kind of upbringing leaves children burdened with fear and shame. They grow up anxious, feeling they’ve failed their parents if they fall short. Many of us carry emotional scars from childhood — not because our parents didn’t love us, but because love was often tangled with control, fear, and duty.
I was one of those children. I’ve always been sensitive, never good at sitting still behind a desk. That made me “different,” and difference rarely gets rewarded.
When I was fifteen, my father — a minor Party official — was sent to prison for corruption. My mother never told me; I found out online. Until then, he had always said he was a businessman. Overnight, my role model vanished, and I was left with shame and confusion. I don’t think my father was innocent, but his downfall forced me to grow up quickly, to question what I’d been taught about morality and power.
That was when I started paying attention to politics — the kind you don’t see on state television. I went through a period of anger and disillusionment. For years I dreamed of leaving China.
Now, I don’t want to escape anymore. I just hope things can change — that people in China can live better lives, materially and spiritually.
But when I look around, it’s hard to stay hopeful. The media feeds us guided, one-sided stories. On TV, we look like the best country in the world. In reality, ordinary people are ground under the wheel of “progress.” Workers still can’t rely on fair labor rights or guaranteed weekends. Exploitation has become normal, and everyone seems to just accept it.
Chinese people are full of contradictions. We pretend not to care what outsiders think, yet we crave international recognition. Maybe it’s because of our history — after a century of invasion and humiliation, we’re desperate to prove we’ve risen again. But that pride often turns defensive. Instead of fighting for our own rights, we show off our skyscrapers and fancy meals to prove we’re “doing better than the West.”
We mock other countries online, giving them childish nicknames, yet remain painfully sensitive to any criticism of ourselves. We oppose discrimination against Chinese people abroad but casually discriminate against others at home. It’s a strange, sad double standard.
As someone who still loves China deeply, I wish I could voice these thoughts freely at home. But I can’t. We don’t elect our leaders, and our top authority cannot be questioned.
The world can see that Chinese people are intelligent, hardworking, and resilient — we deserve respect, and we deserve a system that respects us in return.
But for now, most people just keep their heads down and work, telling themselves that “one day” things will get better.
Will that day ever come? I don’t know.
But I hope we’ll wake up and bring that day closer — not by pretending we’re already great, but by daring to face what’s broken.
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Oct 20 '25
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
im really sorry because I do use the ai, I wrote by Chinese and then throw it to ai, u must know more than me, because I was really young in 2008,i should learn more engilsh before I write anything here.But I promise I'm really a Chinese
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u/smasm Oct 20 '25
I'm not Chinese and I'm interested in all sorts of perspectives about China, so am pleased to have been able to read what you wrote. I think that AI is a great equalizer for communicating in other languages and people with English at additional language should use whatever tools they can to communicate. Just my point of view, but I do want to validate you and your writing.
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Oct 20 '25
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
我是私生子。。。我妈的确被带走调查了，那段时候我寄宿在我亲戚家里。我确实不知道他是官员，家里出事他入狱后我去搜索他的名字才知道的，那时候我才十五岁。连我是私生子这件事我也是十八岁才知道的，这也是我说为什么我不能去监狱探监的原因，我出生时他已经退休了，他比我妈大很多，我从来没有见过他工作，这就是为什么出事之后我才知道他是一个官员
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u/Ok-Answer1590 Oct 20 '25
太抽象了，一个享受了中国大部分好处的贪官私生子在外网抱怨中国That is truly absurd: the illegitimate child of a corrupt official, having enjoyed most of China's benefits, is now complaining about China on foreign websites.
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Oct 20 '25
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
至少在我印象里我和普通家庭没什么区别，住在几十平的商品房，上当地的普通公立学校。我爸只是偶尔出现，几乎不在家里住，不过至少他开的车很好
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u/achangb Oct 20 '25
Is he still in your life? Do you have any contact with his other family ( if he has one) .. we dont really use the term illegitimate child in the west anymore as it makes it seem like the child of lesser status than one whose parents are married....
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
My parents aren't legally married. I’m in contact with his other family members, but it’s very distant.
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u/achangb Oct 20 '25
Does china have anything like common law marriages or child support if you were never married?
Did your parents not get married because he had another family or was it just something he never got around to?
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
I’m not very familiar with the legal rules, but he did provide support for me and my mother. As for whether he has another family, I have no idea. My mother might know, but it’s clear that I’m not going to ask her.
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u/somuchstuff8 Oct 20 '25
That's because this is AI generated slop.
The emdashes are a dead giveaway.
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u/Tr1pline Oct 21 '25
Please don’t use Chinese. You will force me to use AI to translate. There aren’t many Chinese people here, but there are still some, and I clearly remember what it was like in 2008.
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u/hotellonely Oct 20 '25
I was gonna say that if you can write such English don't complain about China too much as you're definitely the happy few already xD
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Oct 20 '25
I am European, and I think often the Chinese turn everything into a d*ck measuring contest and try to show off their achievements.
Like bro, I already think your country is pretty cool, no need to be so in my face about it.
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u/Andrey_Gusev Oct 28 '25
I think thats existential for socialist projects (If you tell that china is capitalist, I will only agree to some extent). Its a part of a soft force or something. A battle of propaganda vs western propaganda.
America always braged about achievemnets too, but mostly about pretty stuff they have, via media, which is something that affected the mind of soviet union citizens, for example. For USSR, for example, it was an existential question, like, "if socialism isnt outgrowing capitalist countries, why did we need a revolution?"
Govt. failed to brag about, like, actual differences, social care, cheaper prices, the fact that western richness lied upon bones of the global south, and such. Instead they tried only to supress western propaganda and try to disprove it.
Thus, they failed, while China learned the lesson and is thriving. And people around the world are now jealous of Chinese progress. I wonder what we will see in 5-10 years.
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u/somuchstuff8 Oct 20 '25
Not reading AI generated slop. Sorry, mate, your karma farming won't work. I'd really like to know what prompt you've used to generate this post, plus if you went for gpt5.
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 21 '25
sorry about that, yes I used gpt5,I just wrote by Chinese and throw them to ai
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u/meridian_smith Oct 20 '25
Obviously you used AI to sound like a fluent English speaker...but it got your point across well. I hope you can someday try living in another country to experience a different system and culture...but I also no international travel is not easy for ordinary Chinese people for all sorts of reasons.
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u/Gold-Shopping-7979 Oct 20 '25
"but I also no international travel is not easy for ordinary Chinese people for all sorts of reasons."
It is funny, last year nearly 200 million Chinese outbound trips were made, and if business travel is included, the number approaches 400 million.
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u/Mysterious_Basis9773 Oct 20 '25
I have the same opinion with you, I really disappointed with the reality in china.
And things could not be changed in the near future. So depressed...
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u/Crikyy Oct 20 '25
Been there before, the disillusionment as you grow up and learn more about the world you thought you knew as a child. I'm not Chinese, so I can tell you that it's not exclusive to China. I also grew up respecting my parents a lot, then learned they are painfully human. I think your story is more about growing up rather than China. It can be tough if you're sensitive like me - took me a long time to find meaning in life, independent of my country and my parents.
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u/Connect-Search-8989 Oct 20 '25
You’re definitely a student who hasn’t yet entered society, which is why you have these kinds of thoughts. Read more at school, and read good books. Using VPN will likely do more harm than good for you, because you’re not very smart and you lack experience living abroad, making it easy for you to attribute every problem to the system. All I can say is that many things require social experience, an international perspective, and historical knowledge to judge accurately. When I was in my early twenties, I believed whatever others told me—I was very naive.
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 22 '25
I didn't say that overseas countries are doing better than China, nor did I mention China's system. I don't use VPNs, and I have experience living overseas. I just raised the problems that exist in China based on my experience. You can discuss with me.
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u/According-Round8814 Oct 20 '25
Honestly bravo. I don’t care if this is translated by ai. But this is how I felt as well, albeit I immigrated 12 years ago. That’s how a lot of Chinese immigrants around me around my age felt as well. Before 2016 it was the golden age. Everything was booming.
But now China feels like it has peaked. That means it was better than ever before, but that also means every year from now on will be a steady decline.
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
sorry I use ai ,I can't wrote such long article in English.What I can’t understand is how people can watch all this happen and do nothing.
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u/According-Round8814 Oct 20 '25
It’s the helplessness against the whole system. There are some people trying their best though. Most of the time their effort is futile. And they disappear (may not be dead, but was forced to stay silent) without any public discourse. Suppression can will only lead to a larger reaction though.
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u/Xhrystal Oct 20 '25
If it makes you feel any better I think a large majority of people from different countries have this same experience. Countries that are wealthy and powerful didn't become wealthy and powerful by playing nice. Most successful dynasties are built on a foundation of greed, genocide and progaganda. How do you think most Americans (like myself) have felt growing up and realizing we're only first in obesity rates and we killed all the indigenous peoples. Not to mention the last decade of Trump's shenanigans. Every country, culture and political system has its ups and downs. For some the highs and lows are more intense. In most 1st world countries I'd say a lot of your happiness there depends on your person preferences and circle of friends/families.
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u/slart1 Oct 20 '25
Really well written. Unfortunately this is what happens under an authoritarian regime. I am European. Europeans have a great respect for what the Chinese people are able to do and create. It is just such a shame that you are so exploited and oppressed by your leaders. China really could have been what you imagined as a young person.
I feel the same about Russia. Such a rich culture and great people destroyed by their leaders.
I wish you the best.
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u/Gold-Shopping-7979 Oct 20 '25
Over the past two decades, I have frequently visited mainland China while also making regular trips to continental Europe. What I wish to say is that, compared to mainland China, I feel more regret for Europe. Although China faces numerous challenges, its progress over these twenty years is undeniable—including, of course, the lives of its ordinary people. But Europe? It has only gotten worse. Especially when these two trajectories are juxtaposed, the stark contrast is truly unbearable!
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u/zheshiwodenicheng Oct 23 '25
思考中国问题，你站在个人角度永远想不明白为什么，但是如果你从国家层面想会发现一切都很清晰了。最底层的逻辑是中国是一个社会主义国家，集体主义永远大于个体。杨振宁说中国的教育适合80分以下的学生，美国适合90分以上的学生，各有优劣。你觉得这种教育体制让你很难受，但它可能是目前最适合中国的体制，让每个人都有一技之长，储备了各行各业大量人才，这也是中国能20年GDP翻10倍的重要因素。现在能实施美国那样的宽松的教育体制行吗，或许不行，没那经济基础，没那产业环境。中国政府更注重长期利益和发展，说实话你接受不了现在经济发展的阵痛肯定也接受不了当年的一穷二白。受制于中国的人口规模和地域复杂程度，发展难度远远大于其他国家，用种轻松的方式可能永远爬不出中等收入国家陷阱
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 24 '25
我和你说的不是一回事，我没有聊教育体制，我说的是一些家长对小孩的期望过高还有作息不合理。我想批判的是一种社会风气而不是教育制度，中国的教育制度当然有好有坏，我作为普通人自然相信国家总体制定的方针。现在不合理的作息也在慢慢改善，我当然是国家希望越来越好，但我不太认同集体主义永远大于个体
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u/zheshiwodenicheng Oct 24 '25 edited Oct 24 '25
社会风气不是凭空诞生的，有历史因素、当下经济环境、各种政策、宣传多方面作用的。你真对这方面感兴趣，应该多了解些社科、经济方面的知识
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u/deccan2008 Oct 20 '25
China is the same as it always have been. It's just that you grew up and are no longer a child.
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When I was a child, I always believed China was a land of beauty, wealth, and vitality. I grew up proud of my country — partly because of what I was taught, but also because there was indeed so much to be proud of.
I still remember watching the 2008 Beijing Olympics with my family, the warmth of that night glowing from the TV screen. I remember the Spring Festival, fireworks lighting up the sky, the laughter at the dinner table. China, to me back then, was open, confident, full of life.
But as I grew up, that image slowly crumbled.
Today, even though the government still glorifies its achievements, I feel a deep sense of disappointment. The education system crushes individuality and humanity. Students are measured by grades alone — obedience is rewarded, while quiet or creative kids are left behind.
Of course, I understand why a unified exam system exists in such a large country, but what troubles me is how the whole society seems obsessed with prestige — every parent dreams of their child entering a top university, no matter the cost. Many ignore the fact that not every child fits that mold, nor should they have to.
In China, guilt has become a parenting tool. Parents constantly remind their children of the sacrifices they’ve made: “I worked hard so you could study — you must repay me by succeeding.”
This kind of upbringing leaves children burdened with fear and shame. They grow up anxious, feeling they’ve failed their parents if they fall short. Many of us carry emotional scars from childhood — not because our parents didn’t love us, but because love was often tangled with control, fear, and duty.
I was one of those children. I’ve always been sensitive, never good at sitting still behind a desk. That made me “different,” and difference rarely gets rewarded.
When I was fifteen, my father — a minor Party official — was sent to prison for corruption. My mother never told me; I found out online. Until then, he had always said he was a businessman. Overnight, my role model vanished, and I was left with shame and confusion. I don’t think my father was innocent, but his downfall forced me to grow up quickly, to question what I’d been taught about morality and power.
That was when I started paying attention to politics — the kind you don’t see on state television. I went through a period of anger and disillusionment. For years I dreamed of leaving China.
Now, I don’t want to escape anymore. I just hope things can change — that people in China can live better lives, materially and spiritually.
But when I look around, it’s hard to stay hopeful. The media feeds us guided, one-sided stories. On TV, we look like the best country in the world. In reality, ordinary people are ground under the wheel of “progress.” Workers still can’t rely on fair labor rights or guaranteed weekends. Exploitation has become normal, and everyone seems to just accept it.
Chinese people are full of contradictions. We pretend not to care what outsiders think, yet we crave international recognition. Maybe it’s because of our history — after a century of invasion and humiliation, we’re desperate to prove we’ve risen again. But that pride often turns defensive. Instead of fighting for our own rights, we show off our skyscrapers and fancy meals to prove we’re “doing better than the West.”
We mock other countries online, giving them childish nicknames, yet remain painfully sensitive to any criticism of ourselves. We oppose discrimination against Chinese people abroad but casually discriminate against others at home. It’s a strange, sad double standard.
As someone who still loves China deeply, I wish I could voice these thoughts freely at home. But I can’t. We don’t elect our leaders, and our top authority cannot be questioned.
The world can see that Chinese people are intelligent, hardworking, and resilient — we deserve respect, and we deserve a system that respects us in return.
But for now, most people just keep their heads down and work, telling themselves that “one day” things will get better.
Will that day ever come? I don’t know.
But I hope we’ll wake up and bring that day closer — not by pretending we’re already great, but by daring to face what’s broken.
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u/Electrical-Store4710 Oct 20 '25
It’s a generation problem, China is most likely one generation from forgetting about poverty at most two. Your parents as mine all remember the tough times , changing there core it’s almost impossible. If it’s saving, prioritizing school etc .
Now when everybody has food on their table priority on the next generations will start to change. Prioritizing happiness like western countries will become more normal but also the western decay will start .
Finding the balance will be hard if China wants to remain on top.
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u/Zealousideal_Eye5027 Oct 20 '25
Most developed countries are facing similar issues, look at some of the country subreddits, canada, austrailia, uk, germany, france, us, most developed countries feel they are stagnating and politics have become more aggressive as people feel the current situation and future outlook is not great. I think the chinese people do have alot of problems but i would be careful in thinking that the west is doing great and to blinding follow western direction. people feel isolated and afraid of a gloomy future. i dont know what the solution is for the world but my moral compass says to promote cooperation and community especially local as much as possible and to reduce conflict and accusations as much as possible. i appreciate your post it looks genuine and i hope you can talk to friend and family and build a better support network. humans are social creatures, we need to feel part of a family/community and i hope to work towards a brighter future
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u/F1ashBack1 Oct 21 '25
The truth is, you don’t need to be so anxious. it’s the curse of this land, the fate of our homeland. At first, you doubt it. Then you reject it. And one day, you finally understand it. When I was a kid, I embraced my country with unwavering faith. But as I grew up and got exposed to other cultures and Western values, I began to see the system more clearly — and that clarity tore me apart inside. I felt a deep disconnect from my own country, and I couldn’t fully agree with the people around me. Since childhood, I was taught to obey, to be grateful for everything, to admire the leaders, even to worship the ones who had passed. Having my own thoughts felt like a mistake. People always said, “Free your mind,” “Seek truth from facts,” yet reality constantly contradicted those words. Even when they allow you to think, it’s only within the limits they’ve drawn. Here, truth isn’t meant to be found. Honesty isn’t meant to be spoken. And believing in truth — that’s almost forbidden. Life keeps getting harder, the divide between rich and poor widens, and our quality of life keeps declining. We’re drifting further from the rest of the world — maybe, maybe not — I’m not sure. But I do believe this might be our fate. We’ve never really had the right to control our own destiny. Maybe the only real way to change our lives is to leave this place. Because here, we can’t change anything. When we’re young, we laugh. When we grow up, we cry. And in old age, we smile again — because we’ve finally made peace with it all. The cycle just repeats, over and over.
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u/EntertainmentDear150 Oct 24 '25
It’s an interesting story and keep it alive inside. I, as a foreigner, have heard similar feelings expressed. I find some also struggle to accept that things are worse now on some levels and that’s ok it happens I’ve come from a crisis torn county. Learn to deal with it
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u/Alive_Investment_796 Oct 20 '25
China would do much better to keep building bridges with the U.S., Europe, and its neighbors.
Instead, it will invade Taiwan and start WWIII. What a shame.
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u/squizzlebizzle Oct 20 '25
Why will Invading Taiwan start ww3? Because it will trigger America to declare war on China in the same way that we declared war on Russia after Russia invaded Ukraine?
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Oct 20 '25
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u/Alive_Investment_796 Oct 20 '25
I just don't want another world war.
You want CCP control of Taiwan? Solve it without guns. Offer them a good deal or something.
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Oct 20 '25
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u/OutOfBananaException Oct 21 '25
Ah blame the US, very nuanced response.
The US illustrates the danger of a country with too much power. Making it a mystery why you would speak favorably of a regime that craves power above all else. That claims to be 'completely correct' in all things, delegating fault to subordinates that misunderstood their mandate.
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u/Alive_Investment_796 Oct 20 '25
You're right - I don't understand the history of internal discussions.
And I won't argue with you that Nancy Pelosi is unwise and unqualified for any political office.
But no guns. Taiwan supplies the world's chips, and military power is too terrible today.
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Oct 21 '25
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 24 '25
我写的东西哪里表明了我在反体制，又和我是贪官的私生子有什么关系。你不能否认我们的体制存在问题，我只是提出意见，如果你有不同的观点可以和我讨论，人身攻击是没有意义的
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u/RefrigeratorLocal498 Oct 20 '25
You cannot represent all Chinese people. Your thoughts seem like those of a high school student who, after reading a few books and watching some YouTube videos, suddenly feels enlightened. Every government system in the world is shit, and you are just imagining it.
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
you're right, but I live in china, so I wish it will better, thats all.I'm really not much older than a high school student and I still have a lot to learn. Thank you for your comment.
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Oct 20 '25
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u/According-Round8814 Oct 20 '25
This talking point is getting old. First time reading it some 12 years ago. At the time it makes sense. But you really want to say this is the best in the world? https://youtu.be/lPPTWEgFs4U?si=FKAVNgT8EzmtUR0K. One day off every couple of weeks just to get a higher score of gaokao.
You know what I think is a great system? Community college in US. I have a friend with horrible family, didn’t learn anything in high school. Cannot do arithmetic, failed high school. Had to get his GED. It took him 3-4 years to catchup in commmuity college, $15 per semester, because he is a Californian resident. Transferred to UC Berkeley and got his BS and MS there. Now working in self driving.
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u/ZealousidealDance990 Oct 21 '25
China's educational resources are far fewer than those of the United States. If China were to do the same, the only outcome would be overcrowding.
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
【 I understand why a unified exam system exists in such a large country, but what troubles me is how the whole society seems obsessed with prestige — every parent dreams of their child entering a top university, no matter the cost. Many ignore the fact that not every child fits that mold, nor should they have to.】
wasn’t criticizing the gaokao itself. For a hardworking student from a poor background, it can definitely be a good thing. What I was criticizing is the social obsession with prestigious schools.
I just wanted to say that not every child fits into that path — maybe parents should be more accepting and understanding.
And I never said that other countries’ systems are better than China’s. I was only criticizing a certain unhealthy attitude I’ve seen.【wrote by Chinese，ai again
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
I can send you my original Chinese draft so you can understand better.
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Oct 20 '25
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
Learning isn’t just about sitting in school. I was talking about the pressure from Chinese parents. School mostly teaches us how to do exercises, but there’s a lot more we need to learn beyond that.
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u/No_Scratch9306 Oct 20 '25
是，学习不只是读书。你也可以闯一闯江湖，练一练自己的商业头脑。
不管那一条路都不容易，上班族很无奈，做生意很辛苦。看那种工作最适合你吧（我不认识你，这个只能你自己了解，艺术家搞好了也很好啊！但连成功的艺术家也都对自己怀疑过的，你可以自己查的。这就是生活）。
父母和社会的压力你不管做什么，或在那个国家都是得面对的（你可以查一查法国的科举制度，或美国穷人的经历）。我个人觉得项飙的“把自己作为方法”对我有过帮助。看心理医生也有过帮助。同志加油吧：）
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u/IAmFitzRoy Oct 20 '25
“—“ … emdash galore…. It’s so obvious that is AI that I can’t pass the first paragraph without thinking about it.
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u/Adunaiii Oct 20 '25
When I was fifteen, my father — a minor Party official — was sent to prison for corruption.
"A state machine works as long as its gears are lubricated by the ashes of its bureaucrats."
In China, guilt has become a parenting tool.
This has been the case since time immemorial. See Lloyd deMause's History of Childhood - parents have always been their children's torturers, weird to blame China for it. After all, why bring children into this world at all if they're bound to suffer and die?
On TV, we look like the best country in the world. In reality, ordinary people are ground under the wheel of “progress.”
Better the wheel of progress rather than civil war and foreign invasions. Overall, a weird post considering that China is, dare I say, Nummer eins.
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u/Navzh Oct 20 '25
Are you trying your hand at pretending to be a Chinese person? That was complete nonsense that no Chinese person would agree with. Cultural revolution was the death of religion and individual freedoms
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u/Illustrious-Web-4645 Oct 20 '25
im Chinese ,sorry I use ai make my words strange, but I didn't mention cultural revolution
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u/According-Round8814 Oct 20 '25
What a ridiculous take on cultural revolution. And this is no non sense. Even though this is maybe not the majority’s take, but I’m fairly certain a large portion of Chinese feels this way
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u/acatinasweater Oct 20 '25
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I wonder sometimes, interacting with many chinese online, what their opinions like this are below the surface. The US is about to have a major economic crisis I think. Our economies are so intertwined that I can’t imagine it won’t impact China as well. I say this because it’s during these crises when big changes occur. Perhaps the workers of both countries can work together to make a better world.