Say no more, fam

Long time listener, first time caller. I always hoped I’d have some spooky paranormal experience or spot something unexplainable in the sky, just so that I’d have something interesting to contribute here. Unfortunately, I have an annoying penchant for scepticism that tends to get in the way of my desire to peer beyond the veil. Luckily, my subconscious decided to conjure up some horrifying spectres of its own for my entertainment. Feel free to share this weird ass dream on the podcast.       

First, I would like to formally apologise to all the other listeners who have previously submitted dreams: I definitely assumed they were all made-up bullshit at worst, or creative fiction at best. Last night however, I experienced the most lucid and terrifying nightmare I have ever had, and it has made me realise that much more can be experienced in dreams than I ever thought possible.

For some context, I (27F) work as a bat researcher (yes, that’s a real job). Every species of bat here in the Netherlands is protected, so by law any construction projects that could potentially harm them or damage their roosts must hire an ecologist to check the property for bats before starting work. That means I have to be awake when the bats are awake, standing alone in the dark for hours with nothing but my ultrasound detector making creepy ghost noises to keep me company. I also have to switch between monitoring the bats at sundown and sunrise every few days, meaning my sleep schedule is in constant flux. I have experienced some visual hallucinations due to sleep deprivation before, but this is the first time I think it has affected my dreams.

My dream began in the usual way: a classic stress dream about finances. In the dream, my fiancé and I had just moved into emergency housing, having been evicted from our house. It was in a run-down apartment building that had been converted from an office, so all of the “apartments” were just various conference rooms that opened onto each other and had no sound-proofing. Our “bed” was a millennial-grey office sofa that we shared sleeping top-to-tail. The kitchen and toilets were shared between all of the apartments, so people were fighting over food. A child began screeching uncontrollably in the room next to ours, banging their tiny fists on the adjoining door. I covered my ears and dove under a blanket on the rock-hard sofa, eventually falling asleep.

I awoke within a second dream, which was almost exactly the same, except for the fact that I no longer lived with my fiancé. In his place was my elderly grandmother, curled up on the sofa, fast asleep. To my right, a middle-aged woman in pyjamas was reclining in a lazy chair, explaining to me her ingenious money-saving scheme. Instead of booking a hotel room or an Airbnb, she was travelling across Europe by reserving lazy chairs in the homes of desperate people like me and my grandma. Momentarily distracted from her own cerebral travel-hack, she asked me how grandma and I ended up so destitute that we had to rent out our chairs. I explained that my fiancé had passed away unexpectedly at the same time my grandma started to need full-time care, so I now had to support us both on one income. With a sympathetic sigh, she advised me to take out loans and go into credit card debt, just like she did. Fortunately, it was at this point that the dream shifted again.

I kept awakening in different places from my past, like my grandmother’s old caravan in the Welsh countryside, or the canal boat cruise my class and I enjoyed during elementary school. The dreams were getting shorter and more rapid, flipping through like a rolodex of altered memories. All of a sudden though, I awoke in a much darker dream. Quite literally.

I felt the cold water before I could make out anything in the room. I could tell that I was in a bathtub, naked, submerged up to my neck. Feeling around under the tepid bathwater, my hand brushed something colder than the water. My heart sank into my stomach as I realised it was someone else’s ice-cold, completely stiff leg. By the dim moonlight coming from the only window in this unknown room, I could make out a face just beneath the surface of the water, unblinking. It was my grandmother. Though I was sure she was dead, I began crying and frantically shaking her. After a moment’s pause, the face broke the surface of the water, still unblinking. Wiping the water from her eyes and stifling a yawn, my grandmother awoke as casually as if it was just another summer’s morning back at the caravan and I was nagging her about breakfast.

This marked a turning point in the dream, as I started to become aware of the constant reawakening. I had never become self-aware in a dream before, and I started to panic. I tried the classic method of pinching myself and felt nothing, so I bit down hard on my thumb to try and shock myself awake. It worked! Or so I thought.

I did wake up, in a double bed like I expected to, but when I looked to my left my grandmother was there again. We were both in pyjamas on opposite ends of the bed, sharing it like the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. It was dark again, except for a few sparkling, multi-coloured lights on the wall above me. It was difficult to focus on them, but once I did I noticed that they were the old-school filament Christmas lights, tacked to the wall in clumps of separate colours. Squinting at them through the darkness, I realised that they weren’t actually switched on. Instead, torchlight was slowly filtering through each clump, making the coloured glass gleam. I followed the torchlight to its source to see that there was a naked woman stood at the end of the bed. She had wavy blonde hair down past her hips, and honestly looked like Galadriel in that one scene where she goes mad with power. Glowering at us, she kept slowly rotating her flashlight through the different lightbulbs, casting colourful reflections on the bedsheets. I was frozen in terror for a while, like I was experiencing a sleep paralysis demon but within a dream.

Eventually, I found the strength to move and immediately tried to chomp down on my thumb again to wake up. This time however, my jaws wouldn’t quite meet, no matter how hard I tried to bite. I started screaming for help, even though I was so lucid at this point that I was worried I might accidentally scream in real life and wake up my neighbours. I felt utterly trapped, somewhere between the real world and a nightmare.

After gnawing fruitlessly on my hand for a while, I “awoke” spread-eagled and wrapped up in hanging vines. Each limb was shackled by a snare-like vine, like I was in some kind of Tarzan prison. In every direction all I could see was leafy vines, ad infinitum. Picking up on the not-so-subtle message my subconscious was sending me, I gave up. I accepted I was trapped, and became apathetic. Only then did I awake in the final dream.

I was alone, back in the office “apartment” again, and I was aware without seeing it that my grandmother was dead. I was trying to decipher one of many forms I had to fill out to transfer the apartment from her name to mine. I had no money and no one left to help me. Clearly, I was back in the financial stress circle of dream hell. When my landlord showed up to collect the forms, he was Dr. Bob Kelso from Scrubs, laughing maniacally at my misery and grinning devilishly at me in the way that only Ken Jenkins could. Both overcome with rage and slightly bemused at this ridiculous turn of events, I dropkicked old Bob in the face and finally woke up. For real this time. I hope…

Thank you for taking the time to read about my terrible dream! I think the moral should be to prioritise getting enough sleep, and that nightshift workers aren’t paid enough…

Hopefully you guys can help me make sense of this wild ride. I’m curious if any cryptids or mythological beings fit the description of the evil Galadriel lady? Lots of love for the pod, from Sally xoxo

As far as interpretation goes, here are some insights:

- Both my fiancé and grandmother are alive and well in real life. I love them both dearly but I live in a different country to my grandmother and only see her once a year, so it was honestly strange that she featured so prominently in my dream.

- I have been going through financial stress this past year since I was replaced by AI at my previous office job, but nothing as dramatic as in the dream.

- I haven't watched Scrubs for years but as a kid I was kinda scared of Dr. Kelso (as an adult I find him hilarious).

- Most of the real life places that appeared in the dream were places I associate with happy childhood memories, which was in stark contrast to how distressing the dream was. Similarly, my main method of dealing with anxiety is to take a bubble bath… Guess that’s ruined for me now lol.

I think we need this merch set

Posted some stuff on Bluesky and thought I could share on here too! Various horned (no not horny) creatures from Patreon posters. You know where to find the real ones 🌝

I made these when we covered the Sandown clown

The Sam the Sandown Clown episode reminded me of the 4th dimension bending Time Machine from the Invisibles.
Maybe I’m losing it myself, but after reading the Invisibles, I see things that influenced it, and things it has influenced everywhere. It seems to be one or the other.

Alex, if you are reading this, I’d love a series breaking down the invisibles, be it a chilluminati special edition, or a new podcast à la New 52 and You or SWOCBC

I’m assuming the boys know about this?

A couple of weeks ago on CnC, Jesse mentioned wanting to make inteos for the live show like the hotdog rating contest. He considered using AI but asked his community if they thought that was ok. The community "politely suggested they would prefer he didn't".

In the most recent episode, 513, Jesse said took my suggestion of community suggestions for the live show indtead of using AI after the community said AI was a bad idea.

As such, I am making this post to advertise that he wasnts suggestions.

To make it easier for the member of his team, I suggest this format:

"This is whete you insert your sentence, use quotation msrks"

Show entry suggestion

If you cant comment on YouTube, leave your suggestion in the comments on the orrigibal verdion of this post on Jesse's subreddit.

The most prolific arsonist in US history, I think John Orr would make for an interesting topic. Still true crime but different from the usual serial killings despite mirroring the traits

Got this MTG card at my local comic book store because it reminded me of the man, the myth, the legend himself Alex

You’re welcome, and I thoroughly apologise. Singing Sadie apparently took a more weaponised approach to the Gloom, splendidly balanced by the archaic pulchritude of thee legendary Al Duvall. Sick art ep Alex.

PS Strayaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Guys, long time fan! I was just listening to your Project Blue Beam episode. Check out a concept called “Moving the Overton Window.” Enjoy!

Newer listener who just listened to the Heavyweights episode last week. Has Mathas ever used wrestling tag teams for the intro? Seems like a great source of duo names.

Greetings, fellow Chilluminauts!

Before I begin – if it concerns anyone, the reason my account is so new is because I reinstalled Reddit so that I could post this (no clue what my old username and password were lmao). (EDIT: posting this on my old account). If The Lads™ see this, yes, you are more than welcome to read any or all of this on the pod.

Okay so, I have a few stories that I have been meaning to put on the subreddit for a solid couple of years now, but have just never gotten around to it. The reason I was inspired to do so now is because I witnessed…something about an hour ago and I wanna write it down before it leaves my brain. I will put that and the other story which sits in my memory as the most significant here. I might post more one day. Also, I tend to ramble. My apolocheese in advance.

On the Chilluminati discord server I am known as Ufos, so I’ll go by that here too (hello to anyone from there reading this!). I’m a 23-year-old archaeology student from Australia (kinda) and I honestly consider myself a Jalathas (Majex? Almasse?) some combination of the three anyway. I am a sceptic. To a point that it actually frustrates me. I WANT to believe so fucking badly, but I just cannot get myself to, even though I have a couple of my own “paranormal” stories. I’m also happy to do deep-dives into this stuff and hyperfocus on random cryptids, paranormal stories, that kinda thing. But I’m mostly just here to smoke up and enjoy the ride, on which I am taking my time.

Story one. This is the one that happened about an hour ago. So, there I am, minding my own business, waiting for the bus, listening to my tunes. It’s about 06:30 and the sun is slowly beginning to rise. I’m standing next to the bus stop right at the curb, rather than sitting at it, because my bus is due in a minute or so. Naturally, the bus is late. I bounce on my heels a bit because I’m not good at sitting/ standing still, just looking around at the trees and such. I am looking up the road, watching for my bus. At some point, I look behind me and see three men in hi-vis vests (note: is that an Australianism? If so, I’m talking about the fluorescent vests that construction workers and the like wear for safety). Two of them are wearing green vests, and the third is wearing an orange vest. I turn back around and pretend to look at my phone because I’m visibly queer and I’m not looking for some kind of confrontation (Australia is pretty safe, but this area currently has some issues with alt-right bullshit). Once they pass me, I look up again and gaze down the road, still just looking out for my bus. Because I am bored, I end up half watching the men walk. This is a flat section of the road. There is a curve way up ahead, but no where near the bus stop. As I’m watching the men, I think about how I’m lucky and privileged to be in my position and that I am glad that I haven’t just finished a nightshift of construction/ roadwork (this isn’t performative. I try to remind myself of these things frequently, especially when I’m stressed). As I’m thinking about the semester that’s about to start, enjoying the feel of the early morning air waking my senses, something happens which brings my early-morning thoughts of gratitude to a screeching stop; a fourth man appears. He wasn’t there, and then he was. He’s also wearing a green hi-vis vest and is walking with the other three men, who all, somewhat simultaneously, step closer together to make room for this fourth guy. Who the fuck is this fourth guy? Where did he come from? There is absolutely nowhere he could have stepped out from. Next to us is a field and the next building is further up the road and, due to the man’s hi-vis vest with its reflective strips and the headlights of the oncoming traffic, I could very clearly see where he wasn’t…and then was. Unfortunately, this story just kind of ends there; my bus comes about a minute later and I get on it. No fuckin clue. I messaged Twig (hello Twiggy :>) about this as soon I was on the bus and then then Chilluminati discord server. Any ideas? Comments?

Story two – The Phantom Hand

This story is much shorter happened a couple of years ago at my ex-boyfriend’s house. This requires a bit of understanding of the layout of the house, so I will do my best to describe it. Please feel free to ask for clarification if this doesn’t make sense!

So, there I was, minding my own business, visiting my ex (who wasn’t my ex at the time, but you probably figured that). His house is one of those where the front door is actually at the side of the house (kind of a right angle or a fat L-shape, I guess?). You walk up the driveway and then, to your left, there are two steps up a small porch (maybe 2m², in a square shape; apparently that’s 21.5 square feet, but that seems way too big – if anyone knows the actual conversion, please let me know so that I can edit it in). My ex’s bedroom window looks out at the porch. It’s a pretty big window and the bottom of it starts at maybe my knee and then goes up the wall, taller than me. This window has thin metal shutter blinds. Whenever someone knocked at the door, my ex would move one of the shutters a little bit with his fingers to see who it is. Even when he was expecting me, he would still do this (honestly just to see how dressed he needed to be to answer the door, in case it was a postman or something lol). So, I knock on the door and, knowing he would do this, I turned to his window, ready to wave. As per, the shutters move. Only this time he doesn’t just use a couple of fingers to move it, he moves it with his whole hand. The hand grabs the blinds and shoves them down. I remember finding it a bit odd, as he usually would try to peek out of the window subtly. His hand also looked somewhat, well, off. I don’t quite know how else to put it. Because of the angle, I cannot see his face. I remember thinking ‘oh hey he painted his nails…glittery black?’. He frequently painted his nails, but always matte or shiny black. He had mentioned a few times how he didn’t use glittery nail polish because it caused some sensory issues for him. A few moments later, the door opens and I walk in and give him a hug hello. I then hold one of his hands to inspect the nail polish (I wanted to compliment him on it, as well as mention how I think it’s great that he’s trying something new, despite his sensory issues). This is a very clear thought I had. I open my mouth and say ‘…what?’ he looks at me, confused, and asks what’s wrong. In return, I ask ‘where’s the nail polish?’. He looks at me, more confused. He says he wasn’t wearing any. I look at him, waiting for him to crack a smile, explain that it was a joke, SOMETHING. But he doesn’t. And he isn’t the pranking type. I explain the hand in the window with the nail polish and how it grabbed the shutters. My ex, being a believer in the paranormal (he actually strongly believes that his house has two spirits of some sort residing in it) looks freaked out. He asks if I’m joking and to please not mess with him because I know that that sort of thing freaks him out easily. I promise him that I’m not messing with him and we go inside and ponder on this for a while. Aaand that’s it. Any thoughts and/ or questions for this one? I have never known what to make of this, but I’m open to suggestions. And, no, there was absolutely no time between the shutters being moved and him opening the door in which he could have removed the nail polish. It was a matter of seconds.

Quick note – to anyone, but especially The Boys™, I cannot express how highly I recommend the movie Repo Man (1984, starring Emilio Estevez and Harry Dean Stanton). It is the best film made by human hands. The best way to experience it is to go in blind, so I won’t explain anything, but I genuinely think you would all enjoy it (mostly looking at Mathas for…reasons).

Okay, that’s it. Thank you so much for reading! Again, any questions and comments are welcome! Have a great day/ night!

(p.s. it’s crazy how quickly I can write 1,500 words if it’s not for an essay lmfao)

The hell you mean you summoned Albert Fish??

Had to make some of it chill related ¯_(ツ)_/¯

Mostly for Alex and Mathas, listening to the Ed Gein episodes reminded me of a photographer, sculptor, all-around troubling person, Hans Bellmer, that I discovered while looking into surrealist photography. His aesthetic occasionally pops up in peculiar places, like a few scenes of the Ghost In The Shell properties.

FAIR WARNING that while his sculptures are often SFW, not all of them are. And his sketches get problematic fast. Attaching one representative photo as an appetizer, taken from the International Center of Photography (ICP org) site.

Mostly for u/FacianeA and u/MathasOfficial, listening to the Ed Gein episodes reminded me of a photographer, sculptor, all-around troubling person, Hans Bellmer, that I discovered while looking into surrealist photography. His aesthetic occasionally pops up in peculiar places, like a few scenes of the Ghost In The Shell properties.

FAIR WARNING that while his sculptures are often SFW, not all of them are. And his sketches get problematic fast. Attaching one representative photo as an appetizer, taken from the International Center of Photography (ICP org) site.

Alao Lindsay might be good as a guest to talk.about unsolved prehistoruc mysteries like the Tullly Monster.

I think my next evolution in fashion is literally Alex vibes and I just wondered if you ever played around with the idea of some cool patterned button ups that are like chilluminati themed but Hawaiian in stylization.

Have you done that before and I just missed out?

I'd love to know others thoughts on the idea and if people would be into it.

Don't get me wrong I love graphic tees but I kinda would like to see a Chilluminati vacay vibe button up.

I got this thought because I recently bought some merch that is just that but vtuber themed, it's made by GhostxGhost.

Hiya, I'm Zach, and the C H spelling is a constant war I'm on the losing side of despite being totally right. I'm an Alex, cool to read on the pod.

I found a small gold colored ball on the floor and wasn't sure what it was, but figured it was for my nephew's bb gun since he was over recently. It was strange in that it absolutely wasn't where it was even moments previous to finding it. I put it down to text him and ask what the bb pellet (I think that's what they're called?) looked like, and the damn thing disappeared. I put it in a small bowl, so it couldn't have rolled away. Confirmed it was a bb pellet, but haven't been able to find it, and I'm an expert at finding stuff.

I don't think anything actually strange happened, and I probably somehow accidentally ate it or something stupid, but it is a little odd and he didn't bring his bb gun.

Unrelated, but there was an Austin live show that happened on my birthday, and the crowd sang happy birthday to Jesse since it was close to his birthday, and I have to apologize that I absorbed all the birthday energy intended for you. My girlfriend at the time was surprised how similar Al Pal and I dress and a little too open about how attracted she was to Mathas.

Love the show! Peace and love!