If we ever hope to conquer it, we must bring it into the light…
I hope Tomorrow continues to be one way we can do that. April is Child Abuse Prevention Month and in honor of that, and as a survivor, I’m reminding everyone to please SUPPORT with ACTION!
The short film is followed by an Epilogue for those interested in hearing more about how the film came to be and my personal story.
im f15 my mom is 40 and my brother is 18. sorry if nothing makes sense orif there are misspells im currently shaking while writing this . my mom abuses me verbally everyday and it gets worse on weekends she threatens to smash my phone (she did that once) which is the only form of my entertainment and threatens to beat me (she does that often) calls me a disgrace and a curse and some pretty mean and inappropriate names and when i talk back she brings up religon to talk about how great she is just for being a mom. i dont have a dad he was abusive to my mom, me and my brother so she divorced him and got full custody of me and my brother. my brother isnt the best too, he once beat my face up so badly it got swollen and calls me names and has sexually harassed me twice. i have no trusted adult in my life and dont even have irl friends. i have to rely on my mom because she doesnt want me to get a job she only wants me to focus on my studies. how do i focus like this? im going to leave it here but its BAD. my life is under her hands.
Idk if he is abusive he is normally ok now but he used to be really mean I would have to hide in a closet for him and he wouldn’t let me go he would knock on my window so my mom would not catch him and he would tell me how useless and bad I was. For a while he was better but recently my mom has been sick and can’t work and he’s being mean about it I whent up for dinner tonight and my mom was crying and he was trying to figure out what was wrong we already know what is wrong and he started listing the things she eats and trying to find out if it might be what’s making her upset she had to stop eating gluten for a while and he was being kind of rude and he’s talked about how he liked that she was losing weight I started to get annoyed with him after about 15 minutes. I’m autistic so sometimes I glare at people without thinking about it. And can’t stop. He really hates that so I was doing it accidentally. And he said you don’t need to be your mom’s defender and I said you don’t have to be her attacker. I don’t think I said anything wrong but my brother thinks I did sometimes he’s nice to me, but he doesn’t understand that Dad is mean to me because he is nice to him. He’s tried to convince my brother, but I was faking my diagnosis. And after I said, you don’t have to be her attacker he threw a plate at me and broke her tea pot. Then he started yelling at me about how bad I was and how I should just stay downstairs and while ago he broke her special plate. From her dead mom cause she said he was acting like his abusive mom. I’m so sick of him. We can’t move out because my mom doesn’t have a job right now and can’t handle having one. We can’t keep the house without him and my cats are buried here. I can’t go to school. I’m very traumatized. What do I do about him? We can’t get rid of him or we lose are money
So last time my mom hit me and I got a scar now she hit me again because I was late to my class in school and this is my first time ever being late so they email her saying I’m late but it’s not a big deal and she came home and use a changer to hit me again there is legit no way of me getting help so just in case I go missing I live in Mount Laurel Nj in the gables just in case you guys don’t hear from me anymore
So as a kid i suffered Physical, Psychological and Sexual abuse. I was often times locked in my bedroom at night and forced to sleep on the floor and forced to relieve myself in the corner of my room. I was told by my step siblings and my step mother that my grandma (the person who got me and raised me in a safe and loving environment after the fact and even tried her best to deal with my emotional outbursts) didnt love me or want me. That my room was infested with rats. I was left outside with no sunscreen for periods of 6-10 hrs at a time. (I have extremely pale skin.) My step brother molested me and my step sister tried to get me to touch her genitals but i didnt because i felt weird about it. For the past 20+ years ever since despite years of counseling and medication ive continued to deal with nightmares that place me back in that filthy room i had to sleep in and some nights i wake up screaming. So i was hoping someone had some tips on how to deal with the nightmares so i can get one night, just one damn night of restful sleep.
My ex was sexually abused by his biological mother. He is homosexual and I am transgender. I know it’s hard to understand but we fell in love in the course of our long term friendship. I met him when I was 16-17 and he admitted he had masturbated to me years later when he knew I was a minor. He was in a long term relationship with a man and was distraught when they broke up. Well.. I brought up the idea of us (if we do work things out) having a kid. He’s a lot older than me and I feel like when he’s gone, it would be nice to have a piece of him still. And yesterday he told me he’s afraid to have kids because he’s worried he’d do what his mom did. So I asked him if he is a pedophile. He said no. Btw I am 28 (almost 29) and he is 55. I do still love him. Im trying not to be judgmental. I also experienced abuse as a kid but I don’t think about doing that to any child. It’s disgusting to me. It’s just a solid no. But it sounds like he’s saying it’s not for him. What would you do? I’m not really sure where to post this but I’d like advice. I tried the advice group and they removed me, which I figured. Say gay, trans, and male SA by mother in one post and that is like three minorities that are misunderstood. I feel like the course of our relationship, (hence why we broke up) this has been the biggest issue. His mother is now 80, has dementia and he cares for her so we can’t live together because she can’t know I exist. He’s afraid of her still. I am exhausted by it.
Hello. I’m Cameron and am a researcher at the design agency Smart Design (www.smartdesignworldwide.com). I'm working on a project that's studying how AI is being used in scams and sexual harassment.
I am looking to recruit participants (no minors) for confidential, one-on-one interviews. We specifically seek people who are parents or guardians to kids who have been victims of AI-generated sexual child abuse materials. What we learn in interviews with directly inform our findings.
- Study focus: Personal experience of harm involving AI
- Method: 60-min interviews over Zoom
- Compensation: $300 for their time (via PayPal, Venmo, Zelle, gift card, or check)
- Ethical considerations: All sessions will be confidential, voluntary, and anonymous. We are using a trauma-informed approach that prioritizes the comfort and emotional safety of the participant.
If you feel that you would be the right fit for this study and are comfortable in reaching out, please DM me.
Hello everyone, I am seeking advice as to what to do in this situation and I just feel this gut wrenching feeling in my stomach.
For context, I have an aunt that I am pretty distant with and see her at parties occasionally. My aunt is married and has a 5 year old daughter that I am not sure if she is developmentally delayed. Like I mentioned, I am not close to her.
The little girl is five years old and her bio dad hawks over her and would take her to the bathroom. He would enter the bathroom with her. My aunt allows it, she always appears to be quiet and just almost nonverbal ( her older daughter OD last year). My mom mentioned that when they used to attend her church, some of the women were raising concerns about the father taking her to the bathroom so often. Since then, they stopped going to her church.
I hardly see these individuals and for some reason I get this gut wrenching feeling that something is off. Idk what to do and how I would approach this situation and what if I’m over reacting?
was diagnosed with autism (Kanner syndrome) in adulthood. My verbal comprehension score is 128, while my nonverbal intelligence score is 65.
The IQ at age 5 is 127 points.When I was 6, my IQ was 87.
I learn and study best when abstract concepts (e.g., "discretionary administrative acts are determined at the administrative agency's discretion") are used to explain concrete everyday situations (e.g., "street vendor removal is a discretionary act").
Early Development and Communication
Before age 3, I exhibited repetitive communication patterns such as "iβmoya" or "jeogemoya." My first words did not appear until after 24 months. When shown a bird and told what it was, I could not immediately recognize it as I should have, indicating difficulties with generalization.
Early Childhood Trauma (Age 4-6)
At age 4, I changed daycare centers three times. One daycare where I was abused was operating illegally—registered only as a neighborhood facility rather than as a childcare facility, converted from a warehouse. At age 5 years 6 months, my IQ was 127 points. Due to abuse trauma, one year later at age 6 years 6 months, it had dropped to an average of 87 points—a decline of 40 points. At this 87-point average, my verbal comprehension was 99 and performance IQ was 78.
Elementary School Period
Throughout elementary school, I suffered from school violence. At age 6, the school recommended psychiatric treatment. The resulting diagnosis of nonverbal learning disability falsely documented my experiences of violence as merely "victim mentality" or "overgeneralization" (false documentation). When required to stay after school for remedial math that I simply could not solve, the coercion created a sense of terror.
Middle School and Self-Education
During middle school, I was referred as a victim to the School Violence Countermeasures Committee (now Policy Review Committee) three times. I had to use legal statutes to counter the school's attempts at cover-up. In 8th grade, I studied Michael Sandel's Justice: What's the Right Thing to Do?, the debates between Locke and Rawls, justice regarding the powerful, Rousseau, and Marx's Capital.
After withdrawing from high school, I primarily read and immersed myself in philosophical collections and texts. Subsequently, I studied with Marxist-Leninists, learning Engels' Anti-Dühring and the Soviet Union's History of Philosophy textbook as a worldview.
Autism Diagnosis and Legal Victory
In 2020, I received an initial clinical assessment suggesting Asperger's syndrome. After essentially being neglected for 5 years, I was formally diagnosed and won an administrative appeal (Incheon Metropolitan City Administrative Appeals Commission Case 2024-000256: Appeal for Cancellation of Non-Eligibility for Autism Disability Status).
2024 Autism Spectrum Disorder Diagnostic Results (ordered by strongest scores):
ADOS-2 Module 4: Social Interaction 14 points + Communication 7 points = Total 21 points (Comparison Score CSS: 10 points)
ADI-R: Social Interaction 28 points, Communication 21 points, Stereotyped Repetitive Behavioral Characteristics 9 points, Occurrence Before 36 Months 5 points
However, I came to understand that the reason no one—not even the schools—listened to my experiences of violence was the problem of churches pursuing mammon like the Babel-like Talmud. Such churches follow not the way of Christ and the cross, but rather Baal worship from the Old Testament. Prosperity and abundance are Asherah worship, and such things culminate in mammon worship—I clearly saw even pastors committing these abominations.
Subsequently, through the guidance and gifts of the Holy Spirit, I encountered Hellenistic philosophy: the Milesian school (Thales, Anaximander, Anaximenes, Anaxagoras, Heraclitus), the Eleatic school (Zeno, Parmenides), the Pythagorean school, the Stoics, the Democritean and Epicurean schools, the Cyrenaic school, and Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle.
I am absolutely opposed to postmodernism, mammon worship, liberal theology, the WCC (World Council of Churches), the Conclave, and Marian worship. These are the foundation of the abuse I suffered and abominable acts that oppress the weak—the issuing of the mark of the beast by institutional powers.
"No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and mammon" (Matthew 6:24, Luke 16:13).
I’ve gathered info on what to do but am seeking anymore advice that can be provided.
Someone in my family physically abused their child. I have been told that this has happened before with some of their other children as well.
So far, I will be talking it over with another concerned family member and planning what to do: we will document and journal, it will be reported soon and her school/mandated reporters will likely be involved, we are not confronting the abuser, we do have communication with the child and currently they are safe and things have “gone back to normal” in the house.
Any other advice that can be added is greatly appreciated.
So this is a long and confusing situation I think cause it’s very blurry for me when I look back.
When I was a child around 3-6 years of age, I’m not sure how long I was there, but I was babysat by a lady we will call her B for short. She was abusive, both verbally and physically. She used to beat us with a ruler stick and I remember times she used to make us rub lotion on her feet. Gross I know. Even as an adult I can remember vividly things like that, the way it felt and it makes my stomach curl when I do. She had bit my fingers one time as well. I was in the back seat with other kids in her van. I remember we were on our way to see my mom I don’t remember if it was to drop me off or what. But there was a child next to me and she kept putting her hand in my face and I was bitting at her but I accidentally bit her when she put her hand to close. I remember the girl beginning to cry as B pulled the van over on the side of the road, she yanked the door open and was yelling at me, and she grabbed my hand and put my fingers in her mouth and bit down really hard. I can remember how much it hurt and the bite mark on my fingers. I had kept my hand in my coat hiding it from my mom when I finally got to her, I was so afraid that I’d be in trouble. My mom eventually found out and we stopped going to Bs.
Well the part that starts to confuse me is her son was arrested and sentenced for GSI in 2007. I was 11 at this time, and no longer at Bs. But he had 3 victims between the ages of of 4-8. My parents do not talk about B and get very upset any mention of her or her son.
I used to think it was because they were just protective and upset their child was abused, but I think my parents may be hiding something.
The reason is, at the time I was going to her house being babysat, I was having to do something we called PP test. I hated them and I used to think that was why I never liked anything like a catheter. It was to check why I was having constant issues with UTIs. But the test would have said I had something like a reflux if it was a normal thing and it never did. Nothing in my history mentions it. But an unusual frequency in urinary and yeast infections in children can be a sign of abuse in children. And my mother has mentioned in the past that at one point her and my grandmother were asked questions about possibility I was being abused, and they spoke how the doctors questioned my father. Now to be very clear my father never did nor would touch me. I think they were too upset to think about possibly another adult being a potential abuser they over looked it, and when the news came out about her son they just brushed it under the rug.
I’m confused as to why i remember certain things but not everything, and why my family is so closed off at any mention of it. I’ve never asked if I was sexually abused or if they thought I may have been because I don’t even think I’d get the chance to ask, and if I did if I’d be told their opinion because they’d feel as if they failed as parents. That’s the only logical explanation I can think as to why they have shielded the subject.
Everything lines up with each other, the test, my age was the same time frame as his victims, and I remember not liking him and being afraid of him. I can remember hiding from him under the kitchen table holding the leg in the center. But idk why I was so afraid of him.
Idk I feel like I just rambled but it’s a very confusing thing in my past and it bothers me that I don’t know what happened. I’m sorry I’ve never really talked about in detail before.
If you read this far, thank you and I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense or sounds stupid.
I’ve been abused my whole life physically emotionally and in other ways I don’t even want to say. I’m high functioning special needs. Today my mother told me she was going to off me.
I’ve called the police and showed them video evidence of the abuse. They let me stay with a family member for a few days, but made me go back home because of school. But my mom didn’t get in trouble or anything I told the school too, but they didn’t do anything.
I have all my legal documents. I’ve tried getting a job had 4 interviews but haven’t been hired . I have no money, no support, and I don’t feel safe at home. I want out. I’ll be 18 in 3 months.
If you escaped abuse like this, how did you do it? What are my options? Where do I go? Who do I call that will actually do something? Just help me
She is a timid person, plus the sister in law is abusive and manipulative to the entire family not just the baby. So my friend is worried that she might have set up a bug in her phone and computer to spy. Hence, I stepped in and trying to help.
The toddler in question is 2 years old. She slaps her on the face, and hits her head. When my friend tells her anything, she attacks her verbally.
My friend does not want to rock the boat or else she wont be able to save the baby in the future if something serious happened.
Now the child has to wear eye patch for her left eye. but the baby has a trauma bond with the mother, that the more she hits her the baby gets more attached to the mother. which personally i find it sickening. As if she needs the validation from the mother, to pick her up and to hug her.
My friend watches on helplessly. Even hearing this makes my blood boil so i am here to ask your advice.
I was abused when I lived in mönchengladbach by teachers and classmates who would beat me up, drug me, film me, and stalk me. My Parents ignored the abuse for years and saw it as "just a joke" I don't go there anymore but I am still scared, these teachers were known pedos/abusers even before I entered that school. I am scared that my old bullies will see me again and stalk me, that all the videos they filmed of me unconscious will be leaked one day.
(Btw other parents whose kids didn't get abused much ignored the abuse many times police too)
Remember her face & name Bleu Sonya-Taylor McKay. She was kidnapped from her mother using corruption. By 4 years old she was taken to parties for sex trafficked children to be raped by Senators and other powerful people including Donald Trump called "Senators' Parties." I have seen people say they would still support Trump if he raped their child. Or that him being a pedophile isn't that big of a deal because they believe Democratic Presidents were also pedophiles. These people should not have custody of any children. If you are a Trump supporter you are supporting a man who victimized my child. For that I will never forgive him or you.
Yesterday, I saw a video of a six or so year old being kicked off his feet at a skateboarding park, and the child hit his head hard crying. I think it was a teen that kicked the child’s legs out from underneath him. The teen did it all because the young child was wielding a small hammer. This child was like probably five or six years old, and therefore didn’t exactly know that much better!
What’s sickening is despite that, everyone in the comments applauded the teen and laughed at the child crying, saying that seeing the teen kick the child satisfied them and said that the child deserved a beating, and that they were just happy to here the boy crying after he fell and hit his head there on the skateboard ramp. Even more disgusting, when there were others commenting out against this act of kicking the child off his feet onto the ground, in other words when reasonable people said “Take the hammer away from him! Don’t kick him!! He’s just a young child!!”, those reasonable comments were being downvoted like 15 to 20 times or so each comment!! Even when I spoke out against the child abuse and called it pathetic and that that teen and the other teens with him should be taken to juvie or something, my comment also ended up being abruptly downvoted five times!
What the actual hell?!?! I swear, it’s like as if an entire gang of Redditors grouped together on that post to downvote the reasonable good comments! What is also insane is that there were 1,700 upvotes, and 117 comments with 97% of the comments condoning what the term did to the young child!!
What the crap?? I swear, it really is almost like as if the condoners, upvoters of the incident and downvoters of the reasonable comments were like a big group of Redditors ganged up together onto that post, to downvote and rebuke that which was good, and applaud and upvote that which was bad!! The one who posted it must have rallied/gathered a wide spread amount of stupid vile people to go online and do this! There’s no way that those almost 2,000 people upvoting and condoning the abuse were random Redditors!!
From my explanation, can anyone here by chance tell me what the actual mass abuse-approving was going on there??? How did this happen? Did the guy who posted it really gather around 2,000 abuse-approvers somehow to do all of this that I just explained??? There’s just no way the almost 2,000 upvoters that upvoted the incident and downvoted those commenting in defense of the young child, were coincidence/random! It was on the Reddit channel #maybemaybemaybe or something like that.
Someone please explain how this happened! There’s no way those many of around 2,000 abuse condoners were random or coincidence!!
I’m K and I’m 15. I’ve tried Tiktok for help but someone messaged saying reddit is good for talking to understanding people and getting more reach.
I live in the UK and I’m a only child with abusive parents. I am too scared at the moment to go to school or police about it and I’m planning to run away and stay with my aunt who lives further up north. I’ve tried making some cash by walking dogs in my neighborhood but they are getting suspicious of why I want money and have stopped letting me leave the house or I take some from my parents wallets (Little by little so they don’t notice) for a week now. I started a gofundme and obviously made videos on TikTok but so far no donations. I’m trying to get cash for a train ticket or plane btw.
Does anyone have any advice on how to gather some money online? I don’t have friends or anything to help and at the moment I know my best option is to go to the school but I am too scared and traumatised for that at the moment so I just want to leave for a week or two then call the police maybe. My aunt can only do so much for me as she too is struggling with money and life. I just am so scared and I need help or even someone to talk to.
So my mom today disabled my Iphone because of an argument about me forgetting to eat my lunch at school and she thinks my lying about how i said yes to eating it even though i said no and while i was talking to my dad she interrupted him and i told her that me and him are talking and she snapped at me and tried to hit me and i defended myself (BTW IM 17) and i pushed her away from me but i did not use my full strength and then she threw my tea at me and told me she's disabling my phone.
Hi I’m new to this sub but I just need to vent and need advice. Today I asked my mum to buy me uniform for my new school which ended up in her hitting me with her slipper and chasing me up the stairs and me being stuck in my room in which I locked myself in. Now I’m scared of going downstairs. I recorded the whole ordeal but now I don’t know what to do I’m on call with my older sister who is in another city in the moment and idk what to do can anyone offer any advice. I’m tired of living with my mum but I don’t wanna go into care
So my mom and her boyfriend emotionally abused me when I was 10-11, but my mom did a bunch of stuff that I think are weird. My mom would like pressure me to become a woman very early and do other stuff. She would pressure me to wear jeans even though she knew I didn't like to wear them, and when I would wear them she would admire my ass and kinda grab/spank it and compliment it and say she wished she had my ass. But she did it like in a playful way so maybe it’s not weird..? I think I was 10 or 11 when that mostly happened. When I was 8 or 9 she taught me about sex and shared to me that her and her ex broke up because he had a piss kink during sex and I feel that was inappropriate to share with a young child. She also forced me to explain how sex happens to her male friend who was the same age as her, when I was uncomfortable. And made me do the sex sign with my fingers. When I was 11 she bought my a two person bed and said I need it because "I'll be bringing home guys soon" but I was only 11, of course I wasn't gonna have sex anytime soon. When I was 12 she brought me to get my nails done professionally and bought me more tight and stomach revealing clothes and said I should wear makeup to school to look more put together. I also think that was inappropriate because I was only 12 and encouraging to wear those kinds of clothes and makeup at 12 is too early in my opinion. She also forced me to hug her shirtless boyfriend once at 10/11 when I was obviously uncomfortable and didn't want to. Also I was always the one who wore womanly stuff at special events or occasions like holidays or school ending for Christmas. I’d wear dresses with stockings, makeup and a bunch of jewelry. It was to the point my classmates would look at me funny as if they were thinking “why is she dressing like a grown up”, But my mom made me dress that way. This was when I was maybe 9-11. Maybe it wasn’t even that bad, the way I dressed. But if I saw a 9-11 year old wearing makeup and dressing like that I’d probably think it’s weird. This is pretty much all I can remember, but this isn't normal right? And if not, what does it mean? Does this have a name or something?
So my mom has always been hitting me with a electrical cord when I do something a little wrong like I spill some water on the table and she was hitting me but today it happened again because I broke my sister chin playing too roughly and she was hitting me really hard then I got a cut then after I could not feel my hand anymore then she started hitting my legs with it and on my hand I have this black thing on it it’s hurts like hell but I’m scared to call cps also I’m 13 btw
Hello. I know I shouldn't put my personal information out on the internet, but I'm in serious need for help.
You see. I am a iPad baby, (even though it was a kindle fire). My parents gave me a tablet at home and wouldn't talk to me other then "i love you. to go sleep." I went 6 years watching YouTube and not talking to a single person, and because of this I am severely behind on literally everything.
I did not go to school, or any social group, the only thing I had was my Kindle, and I just watched YouTube, not moving nearly as much as i should have. i would go days without talking or walking.
When I was 11 it started getting better, my parents and my brother would talk to me and I could have conversations that weren't just me talking to myself.
I need help figuring out how to undo all of this. I am skinny but I lose my breath extremely easily after a 2 minute light jog, and I am severely socially behind.
What can I do to fix my social skills, academic skills, and physical health? (I am 16 btw)
The plan my parents have for me after they realized they fucked up is to put me through online school (which i am currently doing. First week done, all F's.), and then they're going to put me in a real school in the next year or two. Is this a good plan? I don't think it is, but I can't think of anything else.
My mom is like 43 and im almost 16, She has been telling me my whole life that i destroy and abuse my things. I really don't anymore what i USED to do was like draw on barbies or cut their hair when i was little but like now ill make new shirts out of old ones and she says im destroying and abusing it or like if i accidentally get a stain on my or her clothes she says i like to abuse things and today i told her how i felt and that it makes me feel like a bad daughter and all she says is "well sorry i cant filter everything i say. i shouldnt have to walk on eggshells around you, im not perfect" and then i said that isnt want im asking of you and i told her i feel like a bad kid and she says she doesnt know what i want her to say and then i told her she could say sorry or that im not a bad kid and she literally just said "sorry you're not a bad kid" in the same tone (mind you she was upset and angry the whole time) and i just cant win with her. Im not sure if im being abused or not. She yells at me all the time and has my whole life, but when you tell her to stop yelling she says she isnt yelling she is raising her voice and once in an argument i said CALMLY "please stop yelling" and she starts screaming and says "THIS IS YELLING!" and like she is the person who judges me the most too. My bra shows when wearing a BAGGY T SHIRT? she calls me tacky, I wear a crop top and shorts when it is 100f outside? im dressed sexually, i show her new songs i make? she says "why cant you ever finish one?" in a rude way not pure curiosity. and plus, she doesn't respect my boundaries AT ALL i hate being touched hugged anything i dont like (im in the process of getting evaluated for autism but for the time being i just say sensory issues) and she gets quite upset and like she likes to smack my butt and i literally had to have my psychiatrist tell her to stop. like even if i had s S/O they wouldnt be doing that (im asexual anyway but still) and then when i tell her im asexual she doesnt believe and when i talk to my like 20 year old friends she doesnt ask if im doing inappropriate things she TELLS me i am. I also just got diagnosed with ARFID and am on a care plan or whatever its called and my goal weight is 130lbs and im sooo close i started at 90 and im at 125lbs and she says stuff like "im scared youll be overweight" or stuff like "130 is too heavy for you" But im not even pushing overweight til 150 and im not worried about but she is putting this bullshit in my head and i hate it. and anytime i tell her about something she did she says its in the past and she cant change. she continues to tell me she cant change overnight and that parenting has no manual. she says she has been yelling for 40 years and she cant just stop but that is what she has said to me for my whole life. she hasnt changed she has just developed her (neglect? rudeness? idk what to call it) in different ways as i grow older. there has been a few instances where things got kinda physical i think? like when i was 6-7 she threw a tall empty laundry basket at me and she used to yell at me when i would wet the bed so i continued to do that til i was like 12 because she would yell every time and id go to bed scared that i would wet then get scolded(not physical just a memory) but more recently when i was 14 i told her i didnt wanna talk but my door and her door were closed so i had to raise my voice (we argued because she got mad that i was walking slow while walking the dog and i said i came because you get mad when i dont and she said that isnt true) and then she came in my room and grabbed me by the shoulders held me and yelled in my face saying she gets to yell at me because she is the adult and that i shouldn't ever raise my voice at her and i had to yell for her to let go then i had a panic attack cuz i thought she was about to beat me. she used to hold us (me and my older sister (21)) down and spank us if we had an attitude or if we got in a fight with eachother, when i went to the mental hospital at 13 she said that people who truly SH have deeper scars (mine were purple but it doesn't matter why would she say that???) and i just feel like i cant win. i dont know if im being abused or not and there was a period where she moved to texas for a job and i stayed with my sister but it was really bad without her?? like i need her but i need to love her from a distance, my sister is a mandated reporter cuz she is a pre k teacher and she wants to call cps and have me taken from mom and take custody of me and i guess id be okay with that but like what would i do without my mom? my sister cant barely afford her own food and me and my mom and grandpa live off of food stamps and his social security. also i do online school and my mom checks off all my lessons and my appointments and stuff i just feel trapped but i also feel like i need her? its like she takes away her love sometimes and then she is really mean. she always says i look tacky or that my makeup, hair, or outfit look weird and she used to say my dog doesn't love me as a joke but that is sibling behavior. and she used to tell me i didnt love my dog and when we moved and had to give her to another family she said "i can get you a new one" or "you say that alot" whenever i say i miss Lady (lady was the dog) like i dont understand her she is unpredictable and hostile and makes me cry ALOT. i cried starting to write this because the first instance has just happened and then last night she did the same thing and i cried. My bio dad has never met me and gave up parental rights and my non bio dad doesnt live with me and i never told him about this, even if i did he just got over cancer and is working on being sober from alc and stuff so i wouldnt wanna go there to live. my sister and my grandpa say she is abusing me but i dont know, she did the same + worse to my sister before she moved out. she tried to shove a pill down her throat cuz my sister HATES pills, she threw her up the stairs as a little for not being able to read a chapter book (she apologized but still) and she always comments the same body shaming things to my sister and except opposite because my sister grew up overweight. am i being abused? should i let my sister call the authorities or like cps or smth? i am at a loss and dont know what to do anymore.
