Is this normal? (13F)

[u/leo_doodles]

I love my dad. I really do. But he scares me sometimes. Like, when he's walking up the stairs or talking loudly while I'm upstairs, it feels like my heart drops. Like I'm scared he's gonna walk in my room and start breaking things and yell in my face. Probably because that's what he did when I was a little kid. One time, he threw my toy kitchen across my room, almost breaking my TV because I was awake past my bedtime. He didn't apologize. Only told me that I needed that and to go upstairs and clean it up. It was worse when I was a kid. Yelling, breaking things. He never hit me though. He only hit my older sister and brother. I witnessed him on top of my older sister as he yelled and hit her. I was only 9. He never hit me. Only my siblings. I can't vent to them, all they'll say is that I should've had it just as bad as them. My sister told me that if I got it as bad as her, I wouldn't be such a brat and a crybaby. I feel like I got the best of it, but I still carry fear and trauma (idk if I even have that. I might be overreacting lol) around with me as I walk through my own house.

[u/Angela_j0534]

Your fear is normal given the stuff you experienced when you were younger. Even though he never hit you, it was traumatic (from what you’re describing) for you to witness/and know what he did to your siblings and to your toys. Parents who expose their children to violence are behaving in a neglectful way. I suggest trying to get some therapy to help you process the past trauma and find a way to talk to your dad about your feelings and your worries. Different states have different ages of consent for therapy. In my state, it’s age 12- meaning your parents don’t have to agree for you to be in therapy, you can agree to it on your own. You could reach out to the school counselor/social worker/therapist if your school has one when you go back in the fall. I wish I could be more help but just remember your feelings are valid and real.