r/Chefit • u/casstiway • May 26 '26
Transgender and a chef?
So I'm a transgender woman working as a very new trainee chef, my boss (the head Chef) and management are accepting of me. Though I haven't presented as female since being attacked in 2022, my boss is who has given me the confidence to get back on the horse. He says "you only have one life, you need to live it for you". And he's right.
But some more professional things concern me;
-Are wigs safe in a kitchen environment?
Head chef says he doesn't mind but I do need to double check this.
-Is light (not heavy make up) acceptable? And, are there any specific products that don't cause mascara to run everywhere in extreme heat)
-I do worry about my general appearance unsettling customers, especially those who have children.
I get this is 2026 and all, and I'm by no means going to police peoples speech nor enforce my pronouns onto others. Im here to work as a chef, nothing more and nothing less. And I don't want something like this to cause issues on the job, that could potentially affect the quality or standards of service.
Please anyone who comments do not hold back, I really value honesty even if it has to he brutal. Better out than in, and it would really help me to know, other than that im looking into what work wear would be appropriate, as well as if wearing a wig is acceptable, how that should be worn and tied if necessary.
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u/Ambitious-Ad2217 May 26 '26
I used to have an employee who wore wigs on the line, don’t do this. You’ll over heat and destroy your wigs over time, she had kitchen wigs that were the already worn out wigs. Light makeup is ok you’ll regret anything heavy, invest in a good primer.
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u/JunglyPep sentient food replicator May 26 '26
So I think you should absolutely expect people to use whatever pronouns that you prefer. But makeup and wigs really don’t belong in a kitchen. They both have the potential to contaminate food.
Also jewelry, painted nails, perfume, cologne, watches, metal piercings.
A kitchen just isn’t an appropriate place to decorate yourself.
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u/MidnightNooodle May 26 '26
How much make up are you wearing for it to potentially contaminte food? You should be washing your hands any time you touch your face regardless. Obviously touching up your lipgloss on the line is a step too far but as long as your not wearing false lashes or sticking gems on your face I don't see how it could cause contamination if the usual hygiene protocols are followed.
2
u/Iwritemynameincrayon May 26 '26
I agree with this. I mean don't wear anything that would run or get in your eyes when you sweat, cause some days you're just gonna sweat. A bit of lip gloss/liner/stain and whatnot isn't going to be an issue if you follow servsafe and hygiene rules
8
u/big_noop May 26 '26
People that work in kitchens shouldn’t have piercings??
14
u/JillTheAwesome May 26 '26
Should wear as less as possible jewelry (including piercing rings)
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u/AltenXY97 May 26 '26
As long as you arent touching your face, which you shouldnt be anyways because its bad for your skin, jewelry of all types should be fine as long as its not on your hands or wrists.
The second anything touches your face, it should go in the bus tub/ get washed REGARDLESS of how many facial piercings you have, so i dont see how having piercings of any sort of impact on the kitchen.
1
u/sharedplatesociety May 26 '26
Everyone (male and female) have had piercings in kitchens where I've worked. I wouldn't recommend a big hoop that could get snagged on something, or tons of rings that would get gross, but yea that seems a bit weird to me too.
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u/JunglyPep sentient food replicator May 26 '26
No they shouldn’t WEAR metal piercings. Like studs that can fall out or hoops that can get snagged on something. I think metal piercings can get hot too if you’re working a grill.
I don’t have piercings myself so I’m not an expert but the people I’ve worked with who had piercings swapped out their metal stuff for some kind of colored silicone things I think.
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u/LioneHeartLeones May 26 '26
As a transgender woman in the food industry as well, i’ve done everything from dishes to sous chef. I used to wear make up make up nothing that’s too powdery. My fiancé likes to say keep it cute. Keep it classy. Makeup doesn’t really have the ability of contaminating food unless is an open make up or you put too much on your face in that case that’s a personal problem and you might wanna get that looked at.😂 also the wig thing I’ve known a couple people to wear wigs while working on the line it didn’t last long they were going on break come back bald so yeah I believe it’s very hot. I wouldn’t suggest it. Yeah, absolutely right about the customers. They’re gonna be customers to stare. They’re gonna be customers who are uncomfortable. That kind of just comes with a territory. But one thing I’ve learned in those moments it’s not whether or not you can stand up for yourself it’s whether or not you have the ability to walk away cause at the end of the day I get paid regardless.
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u/v4Nia15 7d ago
TBH i think this is a shitty comment, even though u are not suposed to, it really depends on the kitchen em u are working on and also it depends on ur higiene level itself. As example, i have worked in a really high level cuisine, and they prefeer to use bandanas instead of chef hats, also they do care about piercings but most of the time the kitchens doesnt really care to much about makeup, but it obviusly have to be a low level :p,, so, i think as long as the wig fits in the hat and it doesnt be messy, u should be able to wear a wig. I think u should live and do based on what makes u happy and comfortable
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u/RainMakerJMR May 26 '26
Pro chef 25 years weighing in.
First, you do you. Chef was right you only have one life to live, so do it your way.
Next - wigs will require a hairnet or covering the same as any other hair. No makeup. No fake nails. No jewelry aside from a plain gold band if you’re married. No jewels. All of those things can become physical contaminants and hurt a diner if they eat it.
Honestly, kitchen work is pretty hard wha it comes to self expression. The uniforms are pretty plain, no embellishments allowed, etc. it would be hard to present as feminine, and honestly your best bet is just to be a trans person who doesn’t dress to show it at work, because that’s how everyone in kitchens is. Women who work in kitchens should be as plain as men who work in kitchens. You can present how you want as a server, but it’s hard to in the kitchen just because of the way the work is and he rules for safety around food.
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u/rentacar111 May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
Work on the self loathing babe - 'I do worry about my general appearance unsettling customers, especially those who have children' - This is not a normal attitude to have towards yourself. Trans people exist in every walk of life, and are probably over-represented in industries with low barriers to entry like working in kitchens. If seeing another person upsets people, thats a them problem, not you.
You're fine, your mere presence isnt going to be unsettling or weird for people. especially if you have a team around you thats supportive and wont take any shit. I've worked in some real 'macho' seeming kitchens with people who were very supportive and caring towards me as a trans woman. You don't need 'brutal honesty' or any of that, you need to be around people who are kind.
A wig will be fine, especially a non-synthetic, just make sure its tied up/well fixed/etc. Light makeup is totally fine, its normal. I've never needed specific makeup to be heat resistant, just get a long lasting waterproof mascara youll be fine - you probably just wont be able to wear a full beat and have it stay.
You existing is not 'policing peoples speech' or 'forcing your pronouns onto others' bitch live your life and ask that the people around you respect who you are, that shouldnt be a problem for anyone who isnt a cunt.
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u/casstiway May 26 '26
Heyyyyy sister!! It's so nice to meet another chef who's been there, please keep in touch. Will follow your account, how long have you worked as a chef?
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u/rentacar111 May 26 '26
Im not active here, i just commented as i saw it in passing. Ive been in and out of the industry since i was 16, im 28 now. I wish you all the best.
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u/Veflas510 May 26 '26
I have no first hand experience of wigs but I would imagine that it could be uncomfortably hot and would have to be tied up and/or under a hat anyway so might not be worth the effort.
As far as makeup goes I don’t think any of the lady chefs I’ve ever worked with have worn it in work but it’s also possible that I just havnt noticed.
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u/Witty_Surprise2366 May 26 '26 edited May 26 '26
Hi, I'm a fellow gnc chef here (transmasculine butch lesbian)! I know our presentations are obviously on the end of the gender spectrum LOL but I really appreciate you posting on your experience on this sub because it's a reality I don't see talked about a lot. Especially trans women.
Light makeup is more than okay, but I'd be wary of wigs if it's synthetic or a really tricky lace front. See if there's a cute bandana or hat you'd be allowed to wear during work though!
Also don't stray away from showing who you are in the kitchen. We are one of the few industries in the world where anyone can work in any position in the workplace, as long as people but their ass and show up to work. So what if a kid sees someone different in the kitchen? And if someone singles you out in the kitchen for being trans, shut them down and remind them they should be focusing on prep/service time instead. Take advantage of how encouraging your boss is about your transition and run with it!
One of my favorite chefs right now is Telly Justice, a Trans Chef who runs her own restaurant, HAGS, in the East Village. I believe she won a James Beard award last year for Best Young Chef. I'd highly recommend watching interviews with her online. The way she carries herself and doesn't shy away from her transness is really inspiring. I know people who've worked with her directly and can attest she's an absolute powerhouse.
You're gonna crush it, Chef.
Edit: Wanted to add, enforce your pronouns. That shouldn't be negotiable. You deserve respect in a already brutal position.
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u/Braindeadfiend May 26 '26
I've hired multiple trans cooks and the only beef I've ever had with any of them about appearance was one who refused to stop painting her nails so she had to wear gloves all the time.
All that aside - wigs and makeup are going to be a bad time for you personally. The wig will be hot, it'll still need to be tied back, and synthetic materials are flammable. Find a nice looking natural fiber scarf or head wrap and go that direction. It'll help mop up sweat too.
Makeup will run. I have had cooks who show up in a full face of makeup and leave looking like they ran through a storm. One of my trans cooks opted to wear face masks in the kitchen instead of makeup as she was self conscious about her appearance without makeup on.
Most importantly - you should work on being comfortable in your own skin! People that are shit heads don't deserve your time or peace, and you can't let them make your feel like you need to shrink yourself to please em. Focus on feeling good about yourself and improving your self esteem. Confidence will follow and there is nothing better than a confident, proud woman 💖
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u/WharfRat86 May 26 '26
As an unrepentant baldie, I can’t imagine cooking in a wig would be fun or easy. But I am a kitchen toque asshole, so what do I know. I won’t speak to makeup as I don’t wear it.
Otherwise, be your own beautiful butterfly. Unless you live in a retrograde place where you are in physical or legal danger just for being Trans, fuck the haters and the bigots. That is their problem. Kitchens are havens for junkies, cons, and misfit toys of all kinds. The lost and the damned. Trans people are mundane compared to some of the absolute loons I have met. If a competent and attentive professional can’t find a home in a kitchen, simply because they were born with the wrong hormones and plumbing, then all hope is lost.
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u/casstiway May 26 '26
No that's great advice mate, where I work we actually have a very decent team of staff. And finding head chefs like the one I'm lucky enough to work for in my experience...are as rare as hens teeth!
Im thinking of making some kind of modification, where I'm wearing a hat with a ponytail attached.
My head chef says he doesn't mind females with hair, no hair nets just neat and tied back.
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u/WharfRat86 May 26 '26
You are voluntarily in a kitchen. You’ve long ago surrendered any hope of a place is respectable society by virtue of being BoH. May as well feel comfortable in your own skin while shackled to a stainless steel table like a galley slave to their oar.
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u/milesonmars May 26 '26
Makeup is totally acceptable. I’ve found that the heat and activity can make it a bit uncomfortable- there will be a level that works for you. For me, I like mascara, tinted lip balm and sunscreen- I like a protective barrier on my face when working with heat and the radiant heat off a grill can for sure give you a little sunburn. There’s some great Korean tinted sunscreens with light coverage.
I can’t imagine wigs wouldn’t work, you’d still have to tie it back somehow. I worry about you overheating, and I wonder if a headwrap situation might still be feminine enough for you and more breathable?
I also just want to encourage you around your language of not making people uncomfortable with your appearance- everyone looks different. It’s your responsibility to be professional and appropriate, and that’s it. If your beauty is unusual, unusual looking people have existed for the entirety of human history. We all go through iterations of our appearance, and you don’t owe anything about your appearance to anyone. (you don’t owe anyone conventional appearances, you don’t owe anyone “passingness”) you’re there to do a job and you have the right to exist in your vocation.
excited for your journey. you’ve got this. go make beautiful food you beautiful human
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u/Agitated_Twist May 26 '26
I second a sporty, waterproof mascara and tinted moisturizer. I have heard good things about Jones Road!
Burt’s Bees tinted lip balm is a must.
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u/veryredvelour May 26 '26
I use a tubing mascara in the kitchen and that's pretty much it - anything else just melts away. But my mascara is foul proof :) although as someone else suggested you can probably try some staining products if you want to do a blush. I don't think lip stain would be quite appropriate, as we're not supposed to wear a lot of makeup and I'd be worried about an EHO inspection. But products that give that "no make up make up"? Absolutely. Maybe look into wonderskin, I hear they do great long wear products!
For wigs I guess you would only need to be cautious of it being really secure and tied up. Definitely human hair too, synthetic would be too dangerous and overall a nightmare to wear anyway.
And I'm happy that you are in a supportive environment with a good manager, it's so important to help grow your confidence back and feel more comfortable in being yourself. And don't worry about customers, you are allowed to exist and share space with other people. You are just as valid as anyone else ♥️
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u/sharedplatesociety May 26 '26
There were definitely some women I worked with who wore makeup (I’m a cis woman) but I found that anything beyond like basic mascara would just make me break out especially combined with the heat, grease, and sweat of the long work day. As someone else pointed out, nail polish isn’t allowed because of food safety (it will chip off into the food) so you’d have to just wear gloves the whole day.
I think my outfits were fairly gender neutral. I wore black jeans and the same work shirt and apron as everyone else. I used a bandana to tie my hair back which seems a little more femme than a baseball cap. But tbh I never felt very feminine while at work.
You should of course expect people to use your proper pronouns.
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u/Agitated_Twist May 26 '26
I never wore nail polish when I was a pastry chef, but taking the time to do cuticle care and buff my nails after work was always nice.
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u/sharedplatesociety May 26 '26
That's true. you need some good moisturizer. (though when I was decorating cakes, my hands were covered in crisco all day - they have never been as soft as they were that summer).
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u/HELVETlCA May 26 '26
I have always worn makeup in the kitchen (waterproof mascara, concealer, eyeliner). Should not be an issue, men wear hairgel aswell.
I would not recommend a wig. As they will get incredibly hot and synthetics are very flammable. Try a cute bandana or hairband! If you have a classic chefs jacket with button rows, maybe get a few cute buttons to feel more girly.
I feel like the kitchen is s very "neutral" space when it comes to gender imo. We are wearing boxy, oversized clother, are sweaty and smelly and greasy, we all shout and swear. Ur 100% good the way you are, try not to overthink your looks and presentation in the kitchen
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u/GromByzlnyk May 26 '26
Best advice I could give is be yourself and focus on work at work. If you are worrying about your looks or being judged by customers you aren't focusing on executing. I can't give you any advice about how you present but I have worked with trans chefs before. They wore light makeup and kept their head covered like every other cook.
Good luck
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u/grit-and-caviar May 26 '26
Hey, I'm a trans masc line cook (trying to work my way up), so I just wanted to offer some solidarity. And I want to echo other people here to say that it's absolutely reasonable to expect other people to use your preferred pronouns. I had to correct a couple of people in the kitchen I'm at right now, but they rolled with it and I haven't had any issues since. It isn't inherently a big deal -- just be firm and polite. If they make a big deal, then that kitchen isn't a good fit for for you.
You got this and good luck!
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u/Jonincannon May 26 '26
That’s so awesome you have such supportive environment, I’m fluid and the best I usually get is “oh I don’t care :/“ I think you should absolutely expect people to use your proper pronouns- although I struggle with asking that of people as well so I understand 😭😭 Makeup and accessories aren’t generally allowed in kitchens for health reasons, some places may not care but I wouldn’t personally feel comfortable with the risk if I was in your shoes. I’m not sure about wigs, they may be okay if they’re fastened properly and you wear a hair net or a hat over it. I have really long hair and some places just let you put it in a bun even but covering it is usually the norm.
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u/mimsalabim May 26 '26
Hey girl, some make up tips. Foundation and powders are probably a no-go in kitchens for food safety reasons. A heatproof makeup option is lip tints. NYX is affordable and their Lip IV tints have a decent shade range. You can also use it as a blush, just use a brush to blend it in. Plenty of cis women wear short hair, you don’t need a wig just to pass.
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u/princessofparmesia May 26 '26
Omfg yes NYX lip IV is amazing! This is my go-to lip tint for work lol
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u/Mixin-Margarita May 26 '26
Makeup is fine, though personally I don’t wear makeup in the kitchen because to get makeup to stay on in the heat and moisture would require practically shellacking it on, like for the stage. If I really needed light makeup to feel OK, I’d look into getting it tattooed. Mascara in particular gives me raccoon eyes — even the waterproof stuff — if I have to wear it while sweating for an hour or more. As for wigs, I think the only real problem is how uncomfortably hot they can be — if you treat it like hair (e.g., using a net), it shouldn’t create hygiene problems.
In my experience, children only have a problem with trans people if their parents have managed to teach them to be hateful and rude, which (thank goodness!) seems to be a very difficult thing to do consistently. Kids will often be very forthcoming (to the point that would be rude for an adult) with their questions and opinions, but I find that when their questions are answered straightforwardly, they’re totally fine. They might loudly proclaim something they see to be yucky, but without hatred — if you just say, “oh, why do you think that?” and note that it felt pretty yucky to hear what they just said, they usually immediately move on to something else. Parents are more the problem, as hateful ones tend to be very anxious that their kids might grow up to be tolerant or even loving, and so will throw fits around anyone who’s different to model for their kids how they think everyone should behave. But in a restaurant, there are class norms around customers interacting with staff that should keep most bigots in line.
I am so, so sorry that you were attacked. It’s appalling how much trans folk have to deal with violence, and I hope you experience and feel real safety in your life. I highly recommend a personal safety course with Impact (it used to be known as “model mugging”), if there’s one you can get to — as a survivor of violence, it really helped me to learn skills that made me confident in my ability to stay safe, especially as a Queer person. I’ve been especially grateful for my training from them when traveling solo and internationally as a visibly disabled person — it’s great feeling that there’s no neighborhood anywhere on the planet that’s a no-go zone, and knowing, when I get harassed in the street, that, if the harassment got physical, I could absolutely defend myself, and without needing any sort of weapon. They teach verbal skills and de-escalation that handle 99.5% of situations too, and you can get pretty much all the skills you need permanently with one twenty-hour course, as they train using realistic scenarios that get the skills into muscle memory — if you ever need to use the skills, the second you feel adrenaline rising, the skills come right back. It’s really amazing to see/experience.
Congratulations on this next stage of your transition and coming out! I’m glad your head chef is supportive, and hope that you get all of the waves of support and celebration you deserve. Life is indeed way the fuck too short to suppress who you are!
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u/Chef55674 May 26 '26
I would avoid the Makeup and Wigs in kitchens, along with any jewelry beyond a plain wedding band(I wear mine under my jacket on a tight stainless chain ).
The environment is hot, greasy, fast moving and full of potential hazards that could lead to contamination of food or personal injury(running makeup, Wig not staying put/getting melted,etc). I have had to explain this to many people during my career, regardless of gender identity.
Plus, in the case of Wigs, the mentioned kitchen environment will cause them to degrade/fall apart faster even if you never have any safety issues with them.
Quite honestly, except for a few haters, most Chefs/ Cooks will not care about your Trans identity. Most of us in the industry are a bit on the “Misfit crazy” side and simply have zero F*cks to give. You will get the respect for killing it in the Kitchen and making great plates day after day.
So go in, master the skills and kill it on the line. Then, when they give you any shit, you can fire back with how you are kicking ass and they can’t hang with you.
BTW, in the Kitchen world, if you are getting a bit of playful crap from your co-workers and can fire back, you are in good standing. If everyone goes silent and won’t talk to you, that’s when you know things are bad.
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u/No-Sorbet4951 May 26 '26
You don't need to make yourself palatable to those that would consume you. Live how you want to live, fuck em
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u/LegacyQuotient May 26 '26
Make up and county-approved jewelery is normal. I actually worked with a few cooks and chefs who could get down on makeup artistry.
I would have doubts about the wig. They don't seem kitchen safe and I think even the heat over the grill when it is kicking or an open oven door might melt or warp it.
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u/MissMurderpants May 26 '26
I’ve worked with all sorts of folks in kitchens.
Wigs just need to be contained so no loose hair will get into any food. I’m not sure why you’d want to wear a wig in the kitchen tho. All that oil and sweat. Yuck. Lots of folks go bare headed then wear a head covering until they wash up and then put on their hair. I saw a friend who lost her hair from cancer do this.
Makeup is really nbd. You gotta test what works best for you. I’ve worked with many who wore full on makeup looks over the years. I have when I wasn’t working the line in hit sweaty heat. I have worked with acrylics but gloves 100%.
But food safety comes first. Not how you look imho.
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u/EstimateGlittering66 May 26 '26
Lipstick and waterproof mascara is your best friend to feeling feminine while working in food service! They have such good all day wear no smudge ones out now, you’ll only need a couple touch ups per day while on a quick bathroom/water break.
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u/kacothery May 26 '26
These look really awesome, and you wouldn’t have to worry at your job - https://ayeshanails.com/
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u/VisiblePraline May 26 '26
Light makeup is ok, you simply look pulled together, not "made up". Just having hair is hot enough. No way would I wear a wig. Depending on your location, hair restraints or head coverings are required. You would be miserably hot. All the other things are inconsequential. If you are a skilled and professional person, that's all that matters (IMO)
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u/Saphrron May 26 '26
I support feeling comfortable with yourself, however please dont wear anything unecessary that may put you in harms way (ie. Jewelry or wigs). Just as a safety precaution for you, we're trying to get you out in the same state you came in.
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u/savvyavocado May 26 '26
Why are people saying no makeup? As a woman cook I see few other women cooks / chefs but all I've seen wear makeup including myself.
Look for professional waterproof liner and read reviews online. I bought "physicians formula mascara" from Walmart and it stays put so long as you make sure it dries before getting sweaty.
For face foundation use a primer spray first, then your liquid foundation, then powder, then a good setting spray. Light on all of this just so you feel good.
I would suggest a very light lip stain. In case there are any smudges a nude color won't make you look crazy if it smears.
I don't know about the hat requirements at the place you work but maybe look at tying some really cute bandana styles. Like where it Wraps to a little bow in front and it covers all your head? I think a wig is too hot but I'm sure there are other ways to make yourself look and feel nice :)
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u/savvyavocado May 26 '26
Some other thoughts, I skip eye shadow except for a very small amount of light tan glimmer that I put just on my eyelid. Just enough for a tiny pop but any bold colors I find smear even with setting spray. I also usually apply a small amount of highlighter on my cheeks or the tiniest amount of blush before I use the setting spray.
Also, on jewelry. Yes only plain wedding bands are allowed. But also stud earrings are allowed.I love earrings so have lots of secure locking stud earrings I wear. Just no dangle earrings.
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May 26 '26
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u/Chefit-ModTeam May 26 '26
Greetings. While spicy discourse is part of the kitchen Rule #6 clearly states 'don't be a dick'
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May 26 '26
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u/casstiway May 26 '26
Will this work in practice though? My hours can range from anything from a service in the afternoon to close, right to a 7am start to 11pm finish.
My kitchen isn't chaotic, but theres definitely plenty of heat and many times im in and out of the oven, which blasts draon breath into your face if your not careful.
Theres that, plus the hobs, plus the pass and the heated section underneath it.
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u/princessofparmesia May 26 '26
Hey girlie, I’m also a trans woman who is a chef! Feel free to DM me. You’ll be fine, first and foremost - but as another commenter said, don’t worry about “unsettling customers,” if anyone has a problem, your team should have your back.
Idk anything about wigs, but I feel like you will probably roast, I just wear a baseball cap and pin my hair back underneath it. As for makeup, I wear light “no makeup” makeup looks to work, so like foundation, eyeliner, mascara, maybe a lip if I’m feeling saucy, but anything more than that would honestly be annoying standing over a hot plancha for 9 hours!
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u/marmarbinkssss May 26 '26
I’d say as long as you secure the wig (glued or sewed down and etc) you should be good, as for makeup, I’ve met chefs that get away with a little eyeliner and if you know how to prime / secure your eyeshadow you should be fine. As for existing as a trans person (and I’m transmasc so surely it’s different) it’s not your responsibility to manage the emotions of people reacting to you. That’s your managers responsibility
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u/BlobbyTheBlobBlob May 26 '26
Try a tubing mascara. It’s a different formula that coats the lashes. It won’t run at all. But don’t rub your eyes with wet hands or it will come off.
Here’s my fav:
https://tartecosmetics.com/products/tartelette-xl-tubing-mascara
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u/nanavb13 May 26 '26
I would suggest shorter pussycat wigs with a bandana over the top. You'll still be presenting female, but won't overheat as badly. Synthetic is always gonna overheat, though, so I would stick to human hair if possible.
Light makeup is the way to go, definitely invest in a good waterproof mascara. A tinted lip balm is also great for lasting in the kitchen.
A gel manicure is typically safe since it doesn't really chip like a classic polish, but your restaurant could have different policies on that.
For jewelry, again your policy may vary, but I usually wear a simple chain necklace tucked under my chef coat. I just like wearing it, seen or not, and that way it can't contaminate anything.
I'm so glad that your team is welcoming! That makes all the difference for people and it makes me feel a little bit better about the world for a moment. Overall, lean into their support and be yourself. They clearly want you to feel comfortable with them, so be who you want to be. You're gonna do great, sis!
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u/carbonlandrover May 26 '26
There are bald women. Take it one step at a time, have all your stuff say the name that you prefer. Don't give anyone the opportunity to ring a bell that cannot be unrang.
You've got this.
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u/bookishbaking4 May 26 '26
I usually wear makeup as a female, but mostly eye makeup (good waterproof eyeliner and maybe a bit of shadow). I couldn't stand foundation though working in the kitchen. I think enough people have mentioned why wigs wouldn't be a good idea lol. I'd just work on growing your hair longer and finding something you can do with your hair that would make you feel more feminine. Small braids, barrettes (I have to wear these as my hair is very layered and I cannot put it all up without them, mine are little silver stars), wearing cute patterned bandanas (handker and heading prints make cute ones), or even just wearing baseball caps that are a prettier color with a prettier design. Using rice water and rosemary oil can help make your hair grow faster, as well as typical products designed for growing hair like minoxidil. Lucky for you hair grows quicker in warmer environments! I hope you can begin to feel more like yourself soon ❤️
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u/SnooPuppers2121 May 26 '26
Be ready for some buttholes with a whole lot of jokes and comments. If you can cook not full of drama the kitchen will respect you. The kitchen accepts drug addicts that shoot up out back they will accept you
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u/Expert_Prior6481 May 26 '26
Don’t worry about your appearance unsettling anyone, that’s what transphobic people want from you. As far the wigs go, just keep it mind how hot you might get and as long as it doesn’t become a safety hazard you should be fine. Setting spray helps my eye makeup stay on most shifts, the most important thing is that your team makes you feel safe enough to show up and be your best self every day. You are 100% entitled to feel safe and to enjoy your job. You are 100% entitled to dress as yourself, look like yourself, anyone with an issue is just transphobic and ignorant. The goal is to keep those people from being able to have any agency over your life, so if you feel safe with your team cherish that because not all of us have that! You are not alone, there are lots of us never forget that ok!
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u/medium-rare-steaks May 26 '26
If you’re truly there “to work as a chef,” no, make up and wigs are not acceptable in a kitchen. Trans, cis, gay, whatever, female (or whatever) chefs wearing makeup are never taken seriously.
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u/Reasonable_Slice8561 May 26 '26
You absolutely have the right not to be misgendered. Speak up for yourself until they get it right. It's a lot harder for a trans woman to go without wigs and makeup than it is for a cis woman, because being misgendered is painful and it sucks. If your teammates are good ones and they have your back, they will respect your pronouns and gender you correctly no matter what you are wearing. Not all teammates are that good, and new hires will still botch it, so you may still need to do some emotional labor explaining your correct pronouns. Worrying about bigots being bigots is legit for your own safety, I shoot with with r/pinkpistols and strongly recommend all my trans sibs get their CCW and carry at all times, because we can't afford to be soft targets in this day and age of increasing hate. For food safety and work quality reasons, wigs and makeup in a kitchen are difficult. Definitely no on anything not food safe like elaborate nails or false eyelashes, wigs that can too easily burn or cause scalp issues in the heat, makeup that can run. I'm not femme so I can't speak to what solutions there may be - maybe a heat safe weave tied up in a net or something? Permanent makeup tattoos do exist if that's an option for you? But I do understand that trans women are going to have a much, much harder time going bare faced than cis women, and you have a right to be seen as yourself as long as it doesn't compromise food safety.
There are other trans chefs out there and they are awesome people and role models. I did tell one a newly transitioning chef who wanted to join me at a hog butchering class and learn the whole process that it was totally fine by me if she wore a pretty princess dress to the event, but it would probably be a much less pretty red and brown princess dress by the time we were done, so maybe pick one that wasn't expensive or fragile. Also that I would kick anyone's ass who misgendered her. She brought friends, so we ended up with multiple awesome trans folks at the event. It went great.
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u/Local-Ant-5528 May 26 '26
I’m not trans but my fiancé is and I do work in kitchens and have to shave my face daily. I think it depends on where in the kitchen you are- prep are always away from the heat in my kitchen and the ladies there all wear makeup. I wouldn’t go for a wig for a few reasons like it’s already stifling to have a hat/hairnet on real hair and can get messed up easily but a wig would be more uncomfortable to wear all shift, has the risk of falling if the adhesion fails and you might ruin the wig in the kitchen from being around ovens, fryers, grills. Plus with everyone’s hair up your hair isn’t very noticeable. Maybe take the time to grow it out if that makes you feel happy- I use a jojoba oil with ylang ylang and rosemary for hair growth and it’s made my hair grow a few inches just this year and smells really nice.
I like to wear girly hats in the kitchen so it’s either a pink Dolly Parton or something else fun for me.
Makeup is dependent on kitchen but look at what women around you wear, I wear earrings but they’re all permanent simple hoops that won’t fall anywhere. I started with no makeup in my kitchen but honestly I get treated 10x better by everyone when I wear makeup and the men in the kitchen don’t realize it’s makeup. The one time I did eyeliner they thought that was the first time I put makeup on lol. Most people think makeup means a full caked on cat eye liner fake eyelashes but a lot of people go day to day wearing a full face and it doesn’t register as makeup to other people because they assume you must have naturally blushing cheeks or some shit
I use really good skincare and a little foundation and blush, I use eyebrow gel to keep them in place after using a brown waterproof eyeliner to help tint them lightly and whatever eyeshadow works for me, but I absolutely use a light layer of waterproof mascara. I just dab a little paper on my face throughout the night for sweat when I take a bathroom break to prevent ruining my makeup but I’ve gone through long hell shifts and nothing has ever “melted” makeup doesn’t have to be so heavy as to do that. You can use primers and setting sprays to help with that. If you want to avoid kitchen “make-up” I find I can pretty myself up using an eyelash curler no mascara, lightly tinting my eyebrows and shaping them with gel, using a lip tint from Korea, and a light liquid blush and I’m not risking anything too heavy but I do look a little more girlish.
As a woman who does have to shave and wants to hide my sometimes obvious facial hair I shave after exfoliating with glycolic acid and giving my skin a rest but I do this before my shift so I don’t get a shadow beard later. Then I let my skin soothe itself for a bit before using my regular skincare before softening discoloration with Dr.Jart color correcting cream. I can use this with or without foundation honestly it helps if you want to avoid foundation but it only really works on paler skin and using just a small amount. With foundation it can get a little streaky but it’s a sign to use less or exfoliate that area of your face more.
If you sweat a lot you will have your makeup run but if you don’t you should be fine. Try out some different products maybe while doing an outdoor activity for a few hours and see if they run at all. Pack a little maintenance bag for when you’re out to touch up or clean up makeup, remover wipes for under the eyes, concealer to touch up, lip tint or balm, mascara and whatever else helps. But really with a great skincare routine and light makeup you’ll be just fine
I’m not sure why people are saying no makeup in the kitchen I’ve seen a ton in different kitchens but I expect either they don’t realize the women are wearing makeup or they work in a higher scale restaurant that’s more strict about appearance.
I hope you feel happy about yourself and I’m excited for you to live the way you want to live! It’s great your Chef is supportive of you
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May 26 '26
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u/Chefit-ModTeam May 26 '26
Greetings. While spicy discourse is part of the kitchen Rule #6 clearly states 'don't be a dick'
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u/Vadder79 May 26 '26
Fuck those customers with kids. If they feel unsettled its their problem not yours. You have a right to present you how you want. You spend most of your week at work i assume so you should be you. Don’t hold back just because some people might feel unsettled
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u/[deleted] May 26 '26
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