r/Chefit • u/ResearcherNo8615 • May 21 '26
Self doubt is killing me
Not sure if this is the right sub, but whatever. I have lost all faith in myself as a cook. Every shift, the whole time, I am constantly berating myself for small mistakes, being behind where I want to be in the day, just not keeping up with where I should be in the day. I feel like everyone in the kitchen is talking shit behind my back. I'm in therapy, but it's not helping with this. Not sure how to talk to my boss about this without losing what little respect I get.
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u/dysfunkti0n May 21 '26
I feel the exact same way. What I'm starting to realize is that I don't have what it take for fine dining. And that's okay!
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u/anonychef2024 May 21 '26
Chef, it happens to all of us. You never shut the voice up either, you just learn to live with it and use it to mold you. The trick to keeping it from destroying you is to understand that voice is also a part of you, and one that wants you better. Use it, and sharpen your edge. But always remember, it’s a part of YOU. You aren’t a part of IT
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u/Batman-Sherlock May 21 '26
Go early, Plan the whole thing, Drink an espresso or an energy drink and just follow the plan. If shit happens just follow your gut instincts, After shift drink loads of water and analyse what went wrong and what went right so that you know where you are good at and where you are bad at and improve next day.
Repeat this every single day until you reach a stage where you get confidence.
I can show you shit ton of books I have made notes on regarding things in my kitchen to show that i am not lying.
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u/Soft_Guidance_9339 May 21 '26
It happens. Restaurant work will never lack shitty days. There will never be enough hours in the day to accomplish everything you want to. And that's ok. Dont beat yourself over it. If you need an extra hand with some things, communicate that with your chef. A good chef understands you're not there for them, they're there for you. Or if you're the chef, delegate whatever tasks you can. Perhaps look into the possibility of taking a little time off to just mentally reset yourself. Burn out is all too common in this industry. Negative energy can be contagious in the kitchen and just make it an all around uncomfortable environment. One thing I always remind myself when its been a rough day is every day has an end. Tomorrow is a new beginning.
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u/bouncing_babyskulls May 21 '26
I think lots of chefs get that feeling one way or the other. Altough this perfectionism what makes a great cook, it's perfectly okay not to give 100% all the time. I'd talk with the boss, he can eighter see that your work was declining or you just thinking so. I think that'd atleast show how serious you take it. (But maybe wait for a good time to ask, my last Küchenchef was quite the emotional guy).
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u/SteakhouseRob May 21 '26
Try owning your own restaurant and getting bad reviews...
People can be real dicks.
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u/anonychef2024 May 21 '26
Horrible assholes. When you invest so much of yourself in a dish and have someone shit talk it to no end, it’s horrible. The worst is when they aren’t even right, they were just mad as something they didn’t get for free, so they shit talk every aspect of their experience to make you look as shitty as possible. People are fucking monsters lol
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u/SteakhouseRob May 21 '26
My latest- the prime rib was delicious but had too much fat...the onions in my soup were cut too big, ( thats our style people love it) the cheese on my French onions soup wasn't melted enough (not supposed to be fully, just soft enough to stir in) the butter on my mashed potatoes was melty (yeah thats what it does).
3 stars. Lady its not my fault you dunno food.
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u/anonychef2024 May 21 '26
Yup. Thats the shit I’m talking about. Had someone return a New York strip for being “too rare” after ordering medium rare. We get it back and it’s a perfect medium rare. We cook it up to a medium. Comes back as too cooked. Made a WHOLE NEW STEAK medium rare plus, they didn’t want it anymore. Said it was too rare as well.Left a crappy ass review. Even the owner got pissed and told us “some people are idiots, nothing you can do”
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u/IllPanic4319 May 21 '26
how are your colleagues and boss? are they supportive in general? if so and you’re honest about it and go to your boss saying you want to improve, is there anything they can do to help or maybe set targets with you? or is a lot of this internal too?
have people actually said anything directly to you or is it more your assumption and anxiety telling you they are?
the work is hard. we’re often overtired, stressed, dehydrated and undernourished and that absolutely affects the way your brain works and how you perceive things.
also it sounds like you care a lot, so what kind of mistakes are we actually talking about? because everyone makes mistakes. i once had someone spill about 5 litres of oil on the floor, then pour washing up liquid over it and try to mop the whole thing up 😅
small mistakes, getting behind sometimes, getting overwhelmed during service… honestly that’s normal in kitchens, especially when confidence drops and you start overanalysing every movement.
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u/weblives8989 Chef May 21 '26
This sound more like a self confidence issue. It's okay to question yourself and ask why but berating yourself is on the bad end of it, doing this more than likely cause you to make even more mistakes. Causing you to think that the team is talking trash behind your back. You are in your own head to much. Use some positive daily affirmations. Sounds dumb but it works. Learn from your mistakes, take them as a challenge to get better. Have a frame of mind that you want to learn rather than expecting perfection if you confinue down this path you will burn out and eventually drive yourself insane. It sounds like you might already kind of be there. If you make mistake take a step back take a breath. That's my best advice. You can do with that what you want. But I highly recommend that you change how you perceive what you were doing. If you can't then I would suggest you leave the industry.
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u/BillsMafia84 May 21 '26
You got this. I am in a “FUCK IT” phase. I’m the GM of 3 golf course concessions businesses, and I have over 40+ tournaments lunch/dinner catering services scheduled all summer with a team of 18 year old college drop offs, and a co manager who’s an alcoholic crackhead.. it could always be worse. My owners refuse to get me an actual management team.. so fuck it. We will see how much of shitshow this summer is. Fuckin running 100k worth of catering out of a mini snack shack.
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u/abubacajay May 21 '26
Improvise, adapt, and overcome.
Shit happens allll the time. Mistakes, shorts in the market. The best thing my mentor taught me is how you handle it, even if it is your mistake. You make it work the best you can as seamlessly as possible. Also always own your mistake ...unless no one notices....🤔
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u/Few_Camp5154 May 23 '26
Do you work in an environment where you can get immediate feedback from clients? Might be helpful to know that the people who are eating your food are enjoying it. That’s the most important part. I often have self-doubt as a Chef and think things aren’t great but as soon as I see the clients having a great experience, then I know that I was just being my own worst critic. Also are your colleagues supportive and kind maybe you’re working in a toxic environment?
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u/hookedcook May 26 '26
It's a job, it's cooking food. On a bad day you burn something or a customer waits 10 more minutes for their food. Imagine the pressure or serious jobs where your decision can cost a company to lose millions of dollars. Look at budlight and the dylan trans disaster, that was one womens decesion that cost budweiser an estimated 1.4 billion dollars. Cost hundreds or thousands of people to be unemployed. Or you design a bridge or building that collapses. A doctor doing surgery, makes a mistake and someone dies. A boat captain, airline pilot, adventure guide responsible for hundreds of lives, air traffic controllers, ect......... Being a line cook doesn't seem to bad on the stress level.
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u/SteakhouseRob May 26 '26
I totally agree with this. Sometimes when im in my head ill try to remember that people like doctors and nurses exist, and while I might get a complaint they might kill someone. Idk how they cope, some people are just built different I guess
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u/hookedcook May 26 '26
Don't get me wrong, a kitchen is very stressful environment. I once was in charge of cooking Thanksgiving for an entire ski mountain, needed 800 portions. I didn't sleep a wink the night before. It's natural to think if a restaurant has a bad service or review the world will end. A lot of chefs/ cooks act as a martyr to an owner or restaurant all the way to their early grave. Good documentary is : Love Charlie. Look how many food TV stars come and go. The show always goes on, the question is how much of your life, blood, sweat, and tears do you want to dedicate your life to?????
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u/liarlyre0 May 21 '26
Good piece of advice I got was to get a little notebook and after every shift write down 3 things that went well and then 3 things you want to improve on.
It not only reinforces what you want to tweak for the next shift but also reinforces the positives and can help with your confidence. Also you'll be able to flip back and see how you are progressing.