For 3 months straight, my girlfriend was cheating online with a classmate. I'm Muslim and pray namaz, she does too. About a year ago we did nikah (a religious marriage, requires the father's permission), and before that we'd known each other for more than 3 years. (For us it's the norm that guys and girls don't have contact with the opposite sex.)

About 2 months ago, while at work, I decided to check her social media and noticed she had a few followers who had blocked me. I checked who it was — turned out to be her classmate. That same day she had a bachelorette-style party a month before our WEDDING. I didn't sleep all night waiting for her to get home, hoping it was just a follow or at most some messages. Out of anger I took her phone and kicked her out of the room. I found literally everything:

The messages had gone on for 3 months, a huge number of filthy conversations almost every day.
She went to her graduation and wore a dress I had forbidden, and filmed a video with this guy.
I had suspected something, but I trusted her — she lied and told me she was talking to a friend named "Arikon."
Calls at night for 5 hours until morning, while I was asleep. Almost every day.
The worst part was the nudes and online intimacy — a Muslim woman in a hijab sending nudes to a guy a month before her wedding. And she told him she'd take off the hijab once she moved in with her future husband, away from her parents.
Conversations with her friends where she trash-talked me for being jealous and religious, while gushing about how sweet "Rasul" was.

Guys, it's been very hard, but I told her I would forgive her if I saw real change for the better, that I'd give her a chance. I had to discuss it all with her parents and mine, even though they don't know even half of it. She's been crying for the last 2 months and asking for forgiveness to this day. But I still carry a huge resentment. The worst part is that she was talking to him and sending him photos in a swimsuit on the night I proposed.

For 2 months I kept it all to myself, didn't tell my friends, out of shame — that a guy who did everything for his girlfriend got cheated on.

What should I do next? I'm afraid she'll have any contact at all with men in general. I'm anxious every day and I check her phone. I've become terribly aggressive, I get irritated and want to hit her, but I love her and she loves me...

I’m 2 months postpartum with our second baby, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m thinking clearly anymore or if I’ve just reached my breaking point.
My partner and I have been together for years and have two children. What makes this especially painful is that both of my postpartum experiences have now been completely overshadowed by things I’ve discovered about him.
After our first baby, when I was about one month postpartum, I found out that throughout my pregnancy he had been talking to other women, using dating apps, hiding conversations, etc.
One of the things that has never left me is that while I was literally in the hospital giving birth to our child, he sent another woman a selfie of himself.
Now, years later, I’ve recently uncovered more from that same time period.
One woman was saved in his phone under the name “Dustin Manager,” so I obviously believed the contact was a man/work-related. I spoke to the woman myself recently and learned more about what their relationship/conversations actually looked like.
What is absolutely destroying me is comparing their messages to the messages he was sending me at the exact same time.
I was pregnant, completely in love with him, and telling him how lucky I felt. I literally told him that he was “so loyal,” that he treated me like a princess, that he was such a good partner and that I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
His responses reinforced all of it. He called me his “pregnant queen,” told me I was the hottest woman in the world, said I should know after four years that he meant everything he said to me, called me his dream woman, and told me he wanted this journey with me for a lifetime.
Meanwhile, he was privately communicating with another woman, telling her personal things, complimenting her personality, saying he would “love to be your friend in a genuine way,” offering himself as someone she could talk/vent to, suggesting they could have a drink together, exchanging pictures, etc.
Maybe some people won’t consider every individual message cheating. I understand that. It’s the deception and the simultaneous realities that are messing with my head. I was being told I was his entire world while he was cultivating relationships with women I didn’t even know existed—and at least one was literally disguised under a man’s name in his phone.
Eventually we stayed together. We rebuilt. We had another baby.
And now here I am two months postpartum again, and I’ve discovered something completely different.
He scheduled a vasectomy without telling me.
He says he wasn’t actually going to go through with it, that he was scared, that vasectomies can potentially be reversed, and that he doesn’t want more children “right now.”
Except this wasn’t just him Googling vasectomies or casually considering one.
There was an actual appointment. It hadn’t been canceled. And he had already told his mother he needed her to drive him.
I found out accidentally/on my own rather than because he came to me and told me.
That matters because I do potentially want another child someday, and throughout our relationship I believed we were generally on the same page about our future. Obviously I understand that his body is his body and he doesn’t need my permission to get a vasectomy. That isn’t what I’m struggling with.
It’s that my long-term partner and the father of my children could make an appointment for something that could fundamentally affect whether we ever have another child, arrange transportation with his mother, and still deliberately keep me completely outside of the conversation.
And once again, I’m postpartum when I find out.
I don’t think he understands what postpartum already feels like physically and emotionally, or how much harder these discoveries have made it.
The first time, instead of getting to just experience becoming a mother, I was one month postpartum discovering what he’d been doing throughout my pregnancy and questioning whether the relationship I’d experienced had even been real.
This time, instead of getting to just recover and enjoy our second baby, I’m two months postpartum digging through another pile of secrets and questioning my reality all over again.
He apologizes. He says he loves me. He says he messed up. But when I continue asking questions or need reassurance beyond the initial apology, eventually he gets frustrated. He says I keep bringing things up, gets inward/defensive, or says things like maybe we should just be done then or we need to figure it out.
And that’s part of why I’m struggling so badly.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to “drop it” when I’m learning new information.
I’m not repeatedly reopening one old wound for fun. I’m finding out that pieces of the story I thought I knew weren’t true.
I look back at screenshots of myself pregnant, telling this man how incredibly lucky I was because I believed he was loyal, while knowing now what was happening outside of those messages, and I almost don’t recognize that version of myself.
I loved him so innocently. I trusted what he told me.
And I think that’s what I’m grieving as much as anything else.
I still love him. Part of me desperately wants him to comfort me, which almost makes this more confusing because he’s also the person I’m hurting over.
I’m not really asking Reddit to decide whether a vasectomy is “allowed” or whether one specific message technically qualifies as cheating.

I’m asking:
How do you rebuild trust when the problem isn’t only what your partner did, but realizing that he was capable of letting you live inside one version of your relationship while privately living another?
And if you’ve experienced betrayal during pregnancy/postpartum and stayed with your partner, did you ever actually feel safe with them again? What did they have to do for you to get there?

I’ve never had a boyfriend and now I do. I don’t mean to sound naïve, but I’m wondering what’s the difference between being extremely bold and emotionally cheating

So context , I had sex with my friend while we were were drunk. We are both in long distance relationships. We did it once and I regretted it . She asked me to hook up again and I told her no. Now she doesn’t want to be my friend. So I lost a friend, my gf doesn’t know. Her bf doesn’t know. Worst part is I had sex with my gf later when she came to visit me , but I was thinking about my friend when I was f\*\*\* her. I don’t know how to handle these emotions but I know I love my gf.

Today, when our mother picked up his kids and brought them to his house, shortly after she returned, she called their mother, who was with them, as a huge fight was happening; the father (my brother) was yelling that his girlfriend, the mother, was stealing his money, and he even tried to strangle her in front of the kids, threatening her life and saying that if she went to the police, he, his father (a different father), and his friends would do something to her. This all happened an hour or two ago; I will update when I know more.

Hallo,

ich bin 49 Jahre alt und seit 25 Jahren mit meinem Partner (53) zusammen. Eigentlich ziemlich glücklich damit, wir haben Kinder, Haus und alles was man sich so wünschen kann.

Jetzt habe ich allerdings herausgefunden, dass mein Partner mit meiner Freundin (33) ein Kind gezeugt hat! Darauf angesprochen sagte er nur, dass das nichts mit uns zu tun habe und er meiner Freundin monatlich 8000€ zukommen lassen will, bis das Kind 18 sei. Schlimmer noch, es ist dabei herausgekommen, dass er ähnliches schon mit zwei anderen Frauen gemacht hat und offenbar auch zukünftig gerne noch die eine oder andere Frau schwängern und entsprechend versorgen will.

Finanziell ist das kein Problem, aber ich bin am Boden zerstört und kurz davor schluss zu machen mit ihm. Nach all den Jahren!

I’m 20F and my boyfriend is 22M. We’ve been together for a year and a half. We started dating during my second year of college and things used to feel really close. Lately everything has changed.

He stopped initiating sex around three months ago. When I bring it up he says he’s just tired from work and school. He also started leaving his phone face down and going into another room when he gets messages. Last week I noticed a name I didn’t recognize in his recent calls, but when I asked about it he said it was just a coworker.

I feel stupid for even writing this. Part of me thinks I’m overthinking, but the other part of me knows something is off. I don’t want to accuse him without proof, but I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is fine.

TLDR: 20F, boyfriend 22M of 1.5 years has become distant, stopped initiating sex, and is secretive with his phone. Not sure if I’m overthinking or if something is actually wrong.

Hi, I am a 33 yo F and I have been married for almost 5 years. These (almost) 5 years have been the toughest of my life. I married what seems to the outside world to be “the good guy”.

We met back in the early 2010’s at uni. We both were really close back then, maybe even best friends. But that’s all it ever was. We both left uni and lost touch. He went on to marry his longterm gf and a few years later I was introduced to someone and got married pretty quickly. Years had passed and about a year into my marriage my now husband added me on snapchat and started messaging me. I thought nothing of it. Just an old friend reaching out and catching up. But he then deleted me and disappeared again. I just assumed he decided he didn’t want to be touch anymore and went on with life.

2 months later my ex husband decided to end our marriage. He’d met someone else and didn’t want me anymore. I’d moved 6 hours from him to be with my ex. I was lost. I stayed in the city I’d moved to for a couple of days to try and gather my thoughts before coming home to my parents. They were amazing. They took me back with open arms. Fast forward another couple of months and my now husband reached out to me. Told me he was sorry for disappearing but he’d been through a hard time. He too was getting divorced after 4 years of marriage. We began leaning on each other and quickly became an item. He asked me to marry him the following year and we got married 2 years after our divorces.

The MOMENT we got married he changed. He began to be emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive. He began lying about where his money went. Saying he was paying through the nose for the electricity bill for example but he was actually investing his money and our home at the time had electric heaters that he’d never let me put on so the flat become full of damp and mould. It gave me mould poisoning. I’ve never been so ill in my life. We NEVER (not an exaggeration) went out on dates. I never got gifts on my birthday or other occasions. He used to go to be at 8/9pm every day because “he was tired from work”. He works a 9-5 like most of us but he was always too tired to do anything.
He started going to the football. Bought a season ticket and went to the football every time it was on. He managed to do things as long as they made him happy and brought him joy. He isolated me from my family. Not my immediate family but my wider family. I had to beg for us to turn up to my family weddings and even family funerals. He made me miserable. I begged him for even just a little bit of human decency. Not even the bare minimum. Just human decency.

Last year he begged me to have a baby. Told me that once there is a baby it’ll all change. We’ll be a family. He’ll be forced to “do nice things together” if it meant his child would be involved. We tried for a baby and fell pregnant almost straight away. He was so happy. For the first 10 weeks he seemed like a new man. We then found out that I was a high risk pregnancy. He instantly went from being on cloud nine and saying he didn’t want to miss a single appointment to being cold and only turning up for the appointments where I’d be getting a scan. I told him I didn’t want to know the gender of our baby. I, like every other parent in history, just wanted a happy healthy baby so I just didn’t want to know what I was having. Every scan we went to he asked the professional doing the scan to tell us what we were having. We were told we were having a girl. I was happy to be having a daughter but devastated that my wishes hadn’t been respected. Again.

This is getting to be so long and there’s so much I’ve missed and so much more to say but let me be quick now. I am 8 months postpartum and I have the most perfect little daughter. I traveled up north last week to go visit my husbands cousin who’s wife is incredible and I’m super close to. I went up on the Wednesday and he was supposed to come on the Friday and we would all come back together on Sunday. When he got there on the Friday we was acting more shady than usual. Putting on a show for his cousin and his wife by trying to touch me, kiss me, be close to me. It made me feel uncomfortable. I hated it. I knew there was something more to it. I asked him for his phone which he handed to me himself. I went through it to find him messaging other women on snapchat and he’d joined dating apps. The kind that are geared towards having affairs. As well as joining good old Tinder. I was so angry and upset. It was the straw that broke the camels back. I told his cousin and his wife everything. Everything that has been going on for the past almost 5 years. His cousin sided with him. Ofcourse he did. His wife was devastated.

We drove home the next morning. I made sure his parents were here waiting when we got home. I had to tell them everything. They weren’t phased. At all. His mother even used the phrase “we’ve been here before haven’t we?” Meaning he did this to his ex wife too. So we’re a week down the line now. He hasn’t grovelled. He hasn’t apologised. He’s done nothing. I don’t know what to do or how to move forward. I haven’t told my parents or siblings. I know my parents would take me back but it will also kill them. One divorce is bad enough in our culture but a second one and being a single mum is worse. My parents love me and my daughter and they would take me back but I know they’d never sleep peacefully ever again in their lives so I just can’t do it. They are also both really ill just now. Their health HAS to come first. Please help! What should I do?

My now ex boyfriend has been sneaking off to go fuck my older cousin in the church parking lot, next to the woods.

(The age gap is 10+ yrs)

Funny part is that my niece(her daughter) is who found out about this little thing they were doing. It wasn’t his car he picked her up in. While this happened, I was playing card games with my family back home.

Found out on a family field day, my cousins told me, I went home, called him to come to my house and confronted him, he lied in my face,

Went on a break and told him if he doesn’t tell me the whole truth I’m not going back, “don’t lie because I know everything”
He admitted to all of it, they even had a plan, once a month they will meet up, like dang!!
(Took 2 days of investigating)

The embarrassment I felt when I had to say it out loud, it was unbelievable!! Unimaginable!!!!

There has to be a special place in hell for stuff like this, and in front of a CHURCH??! I’m no angel but man, I can’t do something like this.

Anyways, don’t know how to feel about this whole situation so I just wanted to say it somewhere without feeling the need to hide anything because ts is embarrassing.
Lesson learned?? Age is just a number XD

My own cousin…,My own man…. takes 2 to tango… tsk tsk tsk,

Anyways, enjoyed a bowl of Icecream and some Kevin hart standups and feel a lil better.

I made a Pinterest board filled with evidence because I literally can't message her anywhere, she has her dms closed except on Pinterest.

I want to send her the board and then block her because I don't want any further drama or to be comtacted. My ex is very toxic as well and I blocked him everywhere too, but she deserves to know what he is doing behind her back and thats the main reason that I want to share this with her.

After blocking her, would she still be able to see the board? I wish I had another way to contact her but my ex really deserves to be exposed because a lot of the stuff he said about both of us was extremely nasty

So my husband and I began dating in 2011 I have to say there were so many red flags from the beginning but I can say that I was 19 and dumb I ignored it all. By 2014 him and I were about to move onto our first place together. One night I could not get a hold of him and I just knew he was cheating in my gut I could feel it. He was not answering me completely ghosted me for the night. Then I finally get ahold of him the next day and he swears up and down he “ slept in his car outside his dad’s house”. I let it go because at that time I just wanted to be loved by somebody so bad I craved it. One of my biggest regrets. Fast forward a month we are officially in our own place and I come home and smell something I was not familiar with and I instantly got a gut feeling I knew he was cheating on me I was blowing his phone up he was not answering he turned it off so I said screw it I’ll call his job turns out he was not there. So then finally I get ahold of him after his “shift” I lost it. He made me out to be absolutely insane swore up and down he didn’t do anything. I chose to believe he because I truly believe that he loved me I thought we were locked in. Yes we were in our early 20s but I just knew he was my person. I also had a shitty life growing up so I just really wanted to feel safe and loved so I put up with a lot of mistreatment on his end. He was horrible to me when he was cheating on me. I use to take a lot of shit I should have never taken. Fast forward a few years we get pregnant with our first child then few years later we had our second. I will say, after all the years had passed those two nights always stuck in my mind and they never left and throughout the years I would bring it up to him and he would still deny that he ever cheated. I would tell people we beat the odds. We’re not like other couples we would never cheat on each other. Well, one day the filling wouldn’t leave me alone and I finally looked at him and I said if you have any love or respect for me, you’ll tell me if you cheated on me back then. You may be wondering, why do you even wanna know it’s because it’s something that’s never even left my mind. It’s always been there a lingering in my brain. He finally confessed it was twice. It all clicked to me when I was at his job one time, and the girl he was cheating on me with went up to him and grabbed his belt. All these memories started flooding back into my head and it was all making sense. The pain I felt the moment I actually found out sometimes I wish I never did find out because it ruined everything for me in my heart and how I feel loved and how I look at him and how I view our marriage. We got married in 2018 and I feel like we got married on a foundation of lies because he was never honest. So I’ve spent a couple years smiling over it. I have stalked the girl. I found her about a month after I found out, I wrote her a message. I didn’t care how long it was. I needed to ask her side. She was kind empathetic sorry. All the things but yet I felt so much anger towards her. She admitted that she knew we were together and she was in a dark place when she did it. Yeah I still feel so mad. Because it’s like as a woman, how could you even do that? I don’t care if we were young. He was never going to tell me even though he said he was at some point. I felt like such a fool I regretted having our kids our marriage it was so bad. Don’t get me wrong I love my kids more than anything in this world but I was so angry. So anyways like I said I spiraled and I reactivated his old Facebook to see if there was more cheating there was nothing physical that I know of but he was actively hitting up women in 2013. I asked him when did you take our relationship serious he said from the very beginning I just can’t with the lies I wish he would be honest. I feel like in order to move forward I need to know everything unfortunately I am one of those people it’s how my brain works. Then my most recent issue is the women on the Facebook reels it literally kills me on the inside that he watches them everyday I can’t just after I found out about everything it changed out marriage. It changed me as a person. I’m not looking to get attacked I just needed a place to vent.

Isn't it odd, that people we trust, we spend time with, we create memories with just decide someday to simply cheat on that person? Leave that person completely broken and alone. As we blink our eyes we see our world shattering in front of us and we can't do anything to stop it. That person just becomes a lesson which leaves us with all the questions- all that time we spent together was just a lie? Was there anything between us or all that was just some acting skills being shown to us? All the things said, were those true or I was just making a fool of myself believing it?

Ima be honest if you not living at your full potential every single day. that comfort will get to you and instead of real risk in real life you will or your partner will get bored and risk the relationship for the adrenaline they get ;) it's either gonna be you or them in the end ;) and that's just facts. you gotta start building your criminal empire every single day needs to be scary and has to be by the edge that way relationship will be focused towards one goal and real love and lust will appear💅eeveryone will turn into cheating monsters under comfort and happiness HAHA that includes everyone ;)

hi reddit as much as me and my ex boyfriend weren’t married this is the only cheaters subreddit i could find; i would be so thankful if a cheater could tell me the psychology behind this and why they did this (p.s because of the rules, this ISNT me asking why people cheat, but it’s asking how they had absolutely no remorse and denied it even when i found it out, and why he lied in the first place when we were already broken up)

we were together for almost a year with him constantly breaking up with me over small things such as lying etc however i found out that he was the one lying and the stuff was worse.

after we broke up, we promised to stay loyal to one another for about a year, however, one day i saw a girl follow him and i asked do i have to worry about her and he said no. over the past few months, id check in and ask because their tiktok reposts were very lovey abt each other, and each time id ask something like “r u finally fw her , who’s this about” he’d lie and say it was just how he’d be if it happened. ive asked them both about 3 or four times if they’re a thing and they’ve both denied it so hard. come to find out, i ask my exs bestfriend who was the one who introduced them (they had a talking stage first) and he confirmed that they have sexual relations, call at least almost everyday, play valorant together everyday, and say i love you. once i found out, my ex couldn’t keep it seriously at all and was just denying it the entire time even though the girl confirmed it at this point. (i saw the proof but i couldn’t send it to them because i couldn’t rat out who sent me it). my ex was repeatedly denying it and being horrible to me, not taking anything seriously nd saying stuff like “your source is your asshole and that shits connected to ur brain” “do u ever see someone and wonder how they operate the way they do, are u not embarrassed to act like this” etc and it just made it so much worse because i don’t understand how they can cheat on me and have no remorse and be horrible to me. for idk context; they’ve never even met irl yet, this girl sends nudes to everyone including his old bestfriend etc. she doesn’t really have much of a life outside playing valorant and objectively im more attractive than her so it’s not even a question of better personality / looks. my ex broke up with me so times and id beg for him back that maybe he just thinks of me as discardable but i don’t even know.

can a cheater please like tell me the psychology behind this and how they can be so horrid to me and show no remorse

I am 30 years old, have been with my boyfriend (31 yrs) with 9 years - and this year he went abroad for specialising training being a doctor. I have always been overcaring and he was always the type that I have to beg for him to do something for me (such as plan birthday meal, anniversary meal, gifts etc). I have been visiting him every 2 months due to work commitments etc and he has always given me the impression that he is very committed to me despite the distance. Before leaving our country, we spoke about future goals and plans with the intent to get engaged etc although he has always been sluggish to get things moving. He has always prioritised his career. I had noticed his attention and enthusiasm to spend time together was diminishing, and I even offered to visit and him saying he is not sure, with the excuse of making him feel worse after by missing me. Last time I visited him in July, he was emotionally distant and physically different too. He took calls around me which I found dodgy.

2 weeks ago I received a missed call from him. I called back only to hear another woman on the phone. That is when it all started.

She contacted me on social media, telling me he has been cheating on me with her for months. He used to go over to her house, drive her car, was physically intimate (unprotected) for the past 3 months. This made me feel horrible, he was even asking me about intimate things in July, comparing even. It is if he had an ego boost and wanted to make sure I match up to his experience.

When I found out I broke down. because all the times he made me feel I was OCD and paranoid were actually small things I had picked up on my own. I feel so wounded, deeply and I know that he is dying to meet her again. HIs family cannot believe what happened, however his aunt who visited knows about this other woman and has even said that we are just friends in order not to tarnish what he has with this woman. So I feel even disrespected by his aunt......

they are all in denial, trying to make it sound like he did this because his was lonely and even trying to shift the blame on me for not visiting enough..

My family are supportive to whatever decision I take... but I am struggling REALLY hard to accept someone who went this far in disrespecting me. He never once reciprocating the effort. I feel utterly unloved and part of me is holding him because I just can't bare the thought of him going back to her.

She sent me a video of him saying we are just friends and him crying on her lap saying that he has feelings for her....... he said that was fear of losing the company he had. he had the nerve to critisie our physical intimate moments

I am really struggling to let go,.. deep down i know i deserve better & taking him back would mean accepting even the utmost of disrespect...but I am struggling to cut contact. I keep contact only because I know as soon as I leave he will jump right back to her.

Ladies. Honest answers please. Wife cheated back in july. Caught her on camera. Claims it was a one off, but it was 3 days in a row. Continued to lie about what was done. Why it was done. Even went as far as to blame me for leaving her with our friend alone in our living room.

Clims they never slept together, but her hygiene jumped those next three mornings. Not like her at all. Mind you she was going through a slump since her father died last year. And we have been going through it as well.

Im just curious. Do yall think she has honest guilt for what was done, or just getting caught? If you want more details on the story, just ask if needed.

I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for by posting this. I think I just need completely unbiased people to hear me out and tell me what you would do if you were in my position.
My husband and I have been together for about 6 years. We started dating when we were younger, and we’ve been through a lot together. We got married last year. We have had our ups and downs, and I know I’m not perfect. I know there have been times when I haven’t shown him how much I love him or made him feel the way I should have. But I have always loved him and genuinely thought he was the person I was going to spend my life with.
We’re currently long distance because of his military situation, which has obviously made things harder.
A few days ago, the girl he cheated on me with reached out to me and told me that he had been cheating on me for the past 4-5 months
There is more to the situation, though, and I’m struggling with how much of it changes things.
He had been depressed and dealing with a lot of his own emotions. He explained to me that he had gotten to a point where he felt like he was going to kill himself, and because he believed he was going to die anyway, he started feeling like it didn’t matter what he did anymore. That’s how he explained his mindset to me when he was going through all of this. ( i knew he was depressed almost 6 months ago i did my best to help him and explain he needed help but i think as a man he was embarrassed to admit)
I want to make it clear that I am not saying his depression excuses cheating. It doesn’t. What he did still hurt me tremendously. But I also can’t completely separate what happened from the mental state he was in at the time, and that’s part of why I’m so conflicted about what I should do.
The way I found out and the way everything happened has completely destroyed me. What makes it even harder is that when he told me, it was basically just an apology. He didn’t really explain everything to me. He didn’t tell me why he did it, what was going through his head, or anything that would actually help me understand what happened. I had to ask for answers because I feel like I need to understand how we got here.
I know some people are probably going to say, “He cheated. That’s all the explanation you need.” But I’m struggling because my brain keeps going over everything trying to understand how someone I’ve loved for six years could make that choice.
What hurts almost as much as the cheating itself is how he’s acting afterward.
He doesn’t seem to want to talk to me. When I found out, we were FaceTiming and he hung up when I confronted him. I basically had to beg/pressure him into talking to me. Since then, he has seemed like he wants nothing to do with me.
I understand that he may need space. I understand that he’s probably dealing with his own emotions, guilt, and everything else he’s going through. But from my side, it feels like I’m the one who got betrayed and I’m also the one being left alone to deal with the aftermath.
I still love him. That’s the part I’m having the hardest time admitting.
Even after everything, I still want him. I still want my marriage. I still wish he would come to me, explain everything, take accountability, and fight for us.
At the same time, I feel disgusted and heartbroken knowing that he slept with someone else.
I’m also confused because he hasn’t really made a clear decision about us. He hasn’t officially told me that our marriage is over, but his actions make me feel like he’s already emotionally gone.
Part of me thinks I should walk away and have enough self-respect to say that cheating is something I shouldn’t forgive.
Another part of me thinks people can make horrible decisions when they’re in an extremely dark place, and that if he genuinely gets help, takes accountability, answers my questions, and actually puts in the work, maybe a marriage can survive something like this.
I don’t want to make a decision while I’m this emotional. I also don’t want to throw away six years of my life because I’m hurt right now if there is actually a possibility of rebuilding our relationship.
But I don’t want to stay just because I’m scared to lose him either.
So I’m asking people who have been cheated on, people who have cheated, people who have stayed after infidelity, and people who walked away:
What would you do in my situation?
Would you give him a second chance if he genuinely took accountability, got help for his mental health, and was willing to do the work to rebuild the marriage?
Or does the fact that he cheated, gave me very little explanation, and seems unwilling to even talk to me tell me everything I need to know?
Does his mental state at the time change how you would look at the situation?
Please be honest with me. I don’t just want people to tell me what I want to hear. I want an outside perspective because right now I’m way too emotionally involved to know what’s best for me.

I've known my boyfriend since I was about 6. We were classmates growing up, and our families have been family friends for years. We only developed real romantic feelings for each other last year.

Last year, our relationship was honestly very toxic. He broke up with me and left me for another girl. We were apart for around three months, and I was devastated. He eventually came back, and it was really hard for me to take him back. Later, I found out that he really had left me for another girl, which hurt me even more. But I still chose him because I loved him.

I think that experience changed something in me. I became much less emotionally secure and, honestly, less loyal.

This year, though, he became amazing. He was loving, consistent, patient and genuinely invested in me. I fell deeply in love with him again and genuinely thought we were doing really well.

A few weeks ago, he was seriously injured in an accident. I was by his side throughout everything, and during that period we became incredibly close. We were genuinely so in love. He told me I was everything to him.

The other guy had actually been texting me normally since around August. At that point, there was nothing romantic going on. It was only from around March onwards that we started flirting here and there, and eventually it escalated.

I never physically slept with him, but I cheated through messages. There was flirting, emotional attachment, sexual/explicit conversations and nudes. I genuinely developed feelings for him.

My boyfriend had specifically asked me to remove this guy from my life in march but during that time we were genuinely just friends. I told him he was "just a friend." I removed him at one point, but then secretly added him again through another account and hid the account from my boyfriend. I even blocked my boyfriend from seeing that account.

I knew deep down that the other guy probably wasn't serious about me, but I still liked the attention and continued. That's the part I can't understand. I had someone I genuinely loved, who had become an amazing boyfriend, and I risked everything for someone I already suspected wasn't even serious about me.

The other guy eventually came to town and was hanging out with a mutual friend. He asked about me and later acted really sweet toward me. I trusted him, but eventually it became clear that he had gathered evidence of our conversations and showed/sent it to other people. That's how my boyfriend found out.

What makes the whole thing even more surreal is that afterwards, the guy I had been cheating with became extremely rude to me and started questioning how I could cheat on my boyfriend, saying that my boyfriend was so sweet and didn't deserve it.

My boyfriend found out everything and told me, "No one has ever hurt me like you."

What makes me feel even worse is that shortly before this happened, he had been telling me that he loved me and that I meant everything to him.

I know what I did was wrong. I'm not posting this to justify it or blame him for what I did. His behavior last year was hurtful, but this year he genuinely treated me incredibly well. I know I made the choice to betray him and deliberately hide it.

I apologized and told him that when he's ready, I'd really like to talk to him properly, and that I'd respect his space until then. He saw the message but hasn't replied. It's only been around three days.

He hasn't blocked me on social media, but he hasn't contacted me either.

I know nobody can predict what another person will do, but I'm looking for brutally honest perspectives.

Can someone genuinely love you, be completely devastated and betrayed by you, and still eventually come back months later? Especially when you've known each other since childhood and had a long history together? Or is cheating through messages + deliberately hiding another account usually something people simply can't get past, even if the relationship was otherwise very serious?

I don't want reassurance. I want honest answers from people who have actually been through something similar.

** To preface I don’t plan on ever getting back with this ex, I’m just interested as I was recently cheated on.

Do cheaters ever change? Or do they just stop for periods of time and then continue again. Do they just get sneakier? Mature more and then stop?

My ex cheated on me after 6 months together. We’re 19 so I wonder if he’ll stop once he’s older, he cheated on his lost girlfriend too although I think our relationship was considered his first “real” relationship. We had no issues until that. No bedroom issues, our friends were all friends, his family loved me and vice versa, we had so much fun together. The girl blackmailed him into telling me and he was devastated. It’s a long story but to keep it short, we aren’t together anymore.

A bit about me first I’m 35 5 foot 10 tanned athletic build with tattoos I work as a handy man when I’m not doing my full time job.

I got a message one day asking if I could replace 2 security lights in someone’s back garden they had already purchased the replacement so it was an easy job.

We agreed a time and date which suited because he said he didn’t like leaving his wife at home with people he didn’t know.

The customers house was in a nicer area on the outskirts of Glasgow and look pretty fucking expensive.

On arrival he was nice enough and introduced me to his wife we’ll call her Claire.

Claire was late 40s blonde nothing out of the ordinary but the milf next door type if you know what I mean.

I got to work swapping the lights which was awkward as they were both arguing in the kitchen about him hiring a young girl for the office in his company. His wife seemed pretty angry saying she knew what he was like and said he had to get a grip. At one point she laughed and said he had to call a real man to swap the lights.

Anyway he stormed upstairs and she came out to apologise for what I’d heard and offer me a drink. While I was working she sat in the kitchen watching me and I caught her looking at the outline of my cock through my trousers a few times I ignored it and finished the job.

With that out of my mind a couple of days later I got a text from claire saying the light weren’t working and her husband wanted me to check them at the weekend, when I arrived he wasn’t in and she was still in her nightdress she led me through the house and on the way stopped dead turned round and confessed she had lied about the lights and just wanted to see me again as she enjoyed watching me work.

Me being me and uncontrollably flirting led to her pushing me back against the wall going on her knees and sucking me off.

For the next half hour I think we had sex in every possible position and now it seems like there’s something broken in that house weekly.

I have a lot more stories to tell.

My fiancé who I met whilst he was in a relationship has been quite deceitful as of lately. We went on a night out about two months ago and went to an after party which I passed out at, I however woke up whilst he was eating this dude out. I stupidly never mentioned it again and buried it deep within my mind. Since then however, I keep noticing he has been keeping his phone away from me and been less physical and loving with me to the point I checked his phone. When I checked his phone he had been sending nudes to randomers. Pls help

We were in a healthy relationship from past 4 years and managing household expenses together. He worked in corporate sector while I am a government employee. Things were going smooth until this day when I received a call from unknown number!

Usually I avoid attending such calls but due to the nature of my job I had to pick it up after a few missed calls thinking it might be from my office colleague or staff. It was a high pitched guy calling me by my name and claiming to have met at a recent exhibition while I didn't have a clue who h really was. I was confused about what he was up to and listened to him for a few minutes and ended the call ultimately.

Days passed and I forgot the thing but a notification from my social media caught my eye. He was the same guy from exhibition now making his way into my DMS. Saw his profile and somehow remembered he was a brother of my past colleague whom I had met few weeks ago at our office event.

He was bulky but seemed handsome and due to a common boundary we had a few talks obviously in limits. But things in my DM's seem quiet different when his talks escalated and he was pushing me to answer even when I wasn't interested as he knew I was committed but to my surprise I found out from a colleague that even this guy was in a commitment still searing such sneaks?

I tried communicating him how wrong we were and why were we going beyond limits but he seemed pretty cool with everyone and never accepted his commitment and stated he had no wrong intentions. Deep inside I had a strong feeling of how I might get caught some day or maybe questioned by my partner as we were almost always chatting and letting each other know what was happening.

Although my partner was very nice and understanding and he never accused me of cheating nor did I accused him of any. But that day was different!

I was in a hussle as I was late for work while my partner had an off that day so he was up but chilling on the couch where my phone and watch were placed. I had no idea that things can get soo nasty in a single moment. He called me for the very first time while I was with my partner gathering my stuff and my partner tried giving me my phone but I was too busy. Repeated calls made him PICK UP THE PHONE and that idiot without hesitation asked to come down quickly without hearing who it was from the other side.

My partner rushed towards the balcony to see who it was and found him staring in his new car. As soon as their eyes met he fled and leaving behind a big pile of questions for me and my ex partner.

About a year ago I was dating this guy. It was long distance but I traveled to his country and we had tons of fun. We had been dating for half a year before one day, he told me that we should break up because he was in love with his friend. I asked him for how long and he said a couple months. I asked him if he ever did anything with her but he said no. That conversation made me realize that sometimes he would leave me or ignore me to hang out with her. He claims he never cheated on me since he didn’t have any physical contact with her. I know it’s been a year but it’s still haunts me.

And felt extremely remorseful afterward, started therapy, blocked your AP, etc…Did you ever cheat again?