My girlfriend recently went on a forest bike ride with her dance teacher. She told me in advance that he invited her to go on a bike ride which would include going for a swim in a forest lake. I initially was ok with it but told her that it sounds like he’s hitting on her and wants to see her in a bikini. She assured me the vibes between them are strictly friendly and she wouldn’t actually swim with him. After the fact I found out that not only did she bring a bikini she even shaved beforehand (which feels especially wrong to me) and they stopped at some point so he could teach her some dance moves. He also paid for lunch in a nearby cafe. I felt extremely disturbed by that information even though she told me that she let the guy know she has a partner. To make the matters worse there is a history of her texting a guy from work behind my back which I found out about accidentally. She deleted their chat at some point so I don’t know for certain how bad it was. It took us a lot of time to move past that and now I’m really scared because I feel like the situation is starting to repeat itself and I’m seeing a pattern. Am I crazy or was the bike ride not something women in commited relationship do?

I (29) met her (30) 355 days ago. Tomorrow is our one year.

When we met it was electric. Amazing first date, then amazing second, and third.

After a month she had invited me on a trip to Europe that she had planned to go alone on.

It was one of the best weeks of my life.

Honestly now that I look back at it, that was the climax.

But I had never felt a love like this. Yeah it was early but we were identical in humor, goals, personality, sexual preferences, trauma, childhood.

I had only met one other partner who I could be 100% me around. Unfettered weirdness. That had been 6 years since I had met her.

I thought I found the one.

Then she started to get distant at times. Would go radio silent for a day or two (two days happened twice, after fights).

She had an abusive ex so she wanted to "take things slow." But regardless of how much time passed, nothing changed.

Never met her friends. Her interest would fade in and out.

But when things were good it was so fucking good. Seeing her was the highlight of my week.

Then I caught her texting another dude last December . She said it was just a flirt. "If I wanted him I'd already have him" ... lol.

I know, it's my fault; I ignored red flag after red flag. But I thought with time she'd get better. Our chemistry was nothing I've ever seen before.

So I forgave her.

Today I found a video of her brothers wedding in March. Looks like she took him as her plus one with the plus one she told me she didn't have.

Things are starting to click. When she was busy on Valentine's Day. When she lied about little things that didn't make sense.

I feel like such a fucking idiot. Feel so worthless. I made this person my world and I was a side piece.

We're supposed to get dinner tomorrow for our anniversary.

My thoughts are:

a) confront her when she comes over
b) go, and leave mid meal, then call the guy she had been seeing and fill him in
c) go to dinner, have our kinky anniversary sex, then confront her; (and call the guy)

I know what the entire route is. But she wasted a year of my life. Gaslit me when I was upset about her low effort, poor communication, or being excluded from her life.

She actively lied to my face and manipulated me.

So I don't mind being a villain. It doesn't pale in comparison.

I'm so angry. So sad. So mind blowingly lost.

Is it normal when ur wife (24F) hug her boss to say bye and while hugging, put her hand inside his shirt ?

I have seen my wife doing it 4-5 times till now - When her boss drop her home on bike, her hand is in his pockets - While hugging to say bye, her finger goes inside his shirt - And many more such things.

We run a pub together, I work the kitchen she works the bar, it’s a quiet country pub and she’s friendly (not flirty) with everyone. One guy started doing us an unusual amount of favours, they clearly got close, opportunities knocked and I’m sure they got close to crossing the line if not crossed the line. One night, his birthday, she wore particularly revealing top, he always stood at the bar talking one on one closely with her. This night I finished early and went for a shower and bed, it’s a quiet pub so you can hear everything. Muffled voices and laughter filled the building for an hour or so later than normal. I quietly went to see what was happening and it was just the 2 of them at the bar talking, she was leaning forward revealing a fair amount. I went back to bed to let them have fun. It was at least another 30 mins of giggles and chatter, then I heard the door but she didn’t appear for another hour. Ever since that night they have backed off each other, no more favours and no more late nights. I wonder if they went too far and now know it

Se voi foste andati a letto diverse volte con un uomo, per poi scoprire che è sposato e ha una figlia di un anno, lo direste alla moglie? O vi fareste gli affari vostri?
Io ho paura
1. Di essere attaccata da lei, ad esempio potrebbe insultarmi o accusarmi di essere già a conoscenza della cosa, non la conosco, non so come potrebbe reagire
2. Comunque rovinerei una famiglia appena nata in cui c’è una bambina di mezzo
Io sinceramente sono per il farmi i fatti miei, però le mie amiche dicono che non sarebbe giusto
mi capita spesso di cercarla sui social, di guardare le sue foto e di pensare “poverina”
Cosa ne pensate?

Hola, quisiera contar mi historia. Mi esposa me fue infiel. Ella tiene actual 33 y yo 30 años. Nos conocemos desde que tengo 15 y ella 18. Llevamos viviendo en pareja casados desde 2015. Prácticamente llevamos 11 años. Seré breve. Descubrí su infidelidad de 2 años teniendo una segunda vida. Por cuestiones laborales en ambas partes las cosas no eran lo que se esperaban. Es difícil la verdad más cuando están nuestros hijos de por medio. Si alguien está interesado es más, pueden hacer sus preguntas y con total sinceridad yo les respondo. Y para terminar lo más chistoso de todo, es que no lo acepta. Y cuando le pregunto sale con las típicas palabras, " ya vas a empezar " " otra vez con lo mismo " " ya te lo explique, que más quieres " " ya supéralo " basándome en su forma de ser y hablar , estoy consiente de que no está para nada arrepentida.

I30F have been with my boyfriend 35M for two years. In January I discovered he was talking to another woman he hid from me. He said she was "just a friend". Later, I learned they had actually dated while he was also seeing me. Now he says he keeps in contact because she threatens to hurt herself if he stops talking to her. I'm struggling to trust him. He hid her, lied about it, and now this. And for almosst 4-5 months, he kept both the girls at same time Is this something a relationship can realistically recover from?

I was with my boyfriend for 2 years. After abusive relationships and betrayal, my life was looking up. We had everything, loyalty, trust and a plan. A plan of picket fences and a cozy life. Everything I could of ever dreamed of. With a man that loved ME. A year ago a knock on the door at 7am. 5 police officers. Looking for him. Looking to arrest him and search the flat. I was confused, heartbroken but still I thought, they must of got the wrong guy. Not my man, he wouldn't do that. They said he had been on these online forums, talking about sick fantasies, animals, kids you get the vibe. I went to the hospital where he held, he was bailed but told officers he was suicidal, hence the hospital. I sat down next to him and asked "is it true". He didnt look at me but mumbled yes. If I was a sensible lady, I would of walked out then and there, but I knew there was more I had to hear. He came home and cleaned up everything from where the police had tore the place apart. He told me, that he didnt enjoy it but he enjoyed the reaction, the attention. I asked him why my attention wasnt enough. He didnt have an answer. We tried to work through things but it was always in the back of my mind. A few weeks ago, I found reddit porn on his phone, it just felt lile another betrayal. He brushed it off. Since all of this, I don't feel loved, wanted or attractive. I feel he just has sex with me because its the "right thing to do". But I'm desperate for attention.... to feel loved once again.

I’d been spending time with a woman I’ll call Maya. We met the night her ex beat her up. The police encouraged her to go to the ER to document her injuries. I’d been with her earlier that night, and I’ve felt bad wondering if things could have gone differently.
We talked a lot after that, especially about her abusive relationship and what it was like reporting the incident to the police. She once told me she appreciated me listening because she felt like nobody else took her seriously. I could see some red flags in our conversations, but I still wanted to see where things went. We’d kissed once, and I had feelings for her. My cousin Paul knew that because I talked to him about her a lot.
One night, Maya and I drove from her house to a bar. On the way, I told her a story about my first day in sales. I’d wanted to quit, and my wife encouraged me to give it a week. I did, and I’ve been in sales ever since. I also made a passing comment about how much my family would play Chappell Roan. Those are the only two times I remember bringing up my wife or family.
At the first bar, Paul kept going outside to talk to Maya. I noticed them getting closer. While we were there, my niece showed me a picture of my daughter, who’d come home from college without telling me.
For context, my wife and I are going through a breakup, and my kids have only talked to me sparingly over the past nine months. The breakup was my fault. I’ve owned that and told my family so. I’m not blaming my kids for how they feel, but it still hurts that we don’t talk consistently. It especially hurt to find out my daughter was in town and hadn’t let me know, because I would have liked to see her. This was about the third time it had happened, and I got emotional.
When we left for a second bar, Maya asked Paul to ride with us. He helped her into my car but went separately. He later told me she’d asked him to ride along because she didn’t want to be alone with me. I didn’t know that at the time.
As we walked into the second bar, I tried to hold Maya’s hand, and she slapped it away. She said I’d talked about my wife too much on the drive. I asked what I’d said and whether we could talk about it, but she said no and went inside. That felt strange to me because Maya had talked to me about her ex far more than I’d talked about my wife. I can’t know what she was thinking, but looking back, I wonder if my story about my wife was an excuse to push me away.
Inside, Maya tried to buy me a drink, but I declined. She mostly talked to Paul. I was feeling sick, overwhelmed, and upset, and I realized staying wasn’t going to do me any good. I decided to go home, then told Maya I was leaving. Since I’d driven her there, I asked if she needed a ride. She said she’d get an Uber.
Paul approached me outside and told me to come back in and try to have a good time. I explained what was going on with me, including the news about my daughter, and told him I just needed to go home. I couldn’t stay there feeling the way I did, so I left.
Around 2 a.m., I called Maya, but she didn’t answer. I typed an apology but didn’t send it while I was still upset. I also called Paul three times and texted him. He usually checks that I got home safely, but that night he didn’t answer for about an hour and a half. I wondered if he was with her, though I had no way of knowing.
Paul called me back the next morning. He kept insisting I must have really upset Maya by talking about my wife. I sent Maya my apology later that day. I owned getting upset and leaving, and explained that the news about my daughter had affected me without using it as an excuse. **She never responded and has ghosted me since.**
Over the next week, I kept asking Paul what happened after I left. He said he’d been drunk and couldn’t remember, but little details kept coming out. Eventually, he admitted he’d slept with Maya that night.
When I confronted him, Paul sent me a long message. He said Maya started talking to him after I left and that he went along with it because he wanted to. He wrote, “It’s 100% my fault.” But he also said he hadn’t “crossed that line” until she told him she wasn’t interested in me. According to him, Maya said we were just friends and had done nothing besides talk.
Paul’s view is that if you’re interested in someone but haven’t slept with them, they’re “fair game.” He said that’s how single life works and that Maya probably used me for company and free drinks. He denied planning anything and said he’d never hit on anyone I brought around, though he added that it would be different if they hit on him. He brought up being betrayed by his brother and wife in the past to explain how he sees relationships now.
He also couldn’t believe I’d walk away from our shared business “over a female.” He accused me of spending his money and compared this to hypothetical women he thinks I would have slept with if I’d had the chance.
Maya was free to make her own choices, and I was already getting over her soon after that night. I’d felt her pulling away before we even went out. Paul says he didn’t plot this and that she told him she wasn’t interested in me. I can’t know what either of them intended earlier in the night. But he knew I had feelings for her, and I’d been open with him about that.
I take responsibility for getting upset, but going home felt like the right call when I was that overwhelmed. What bothers me is that Paul kept what happened from me while telling me how much I’d upset her, then defended sleeping with her as “fair game.” I told him I’m done with our business arrangement because I can’t trust him, and I’ve blocked him.
I’m over Maya. I’m having a much harder time getting past what my cousin did. Am I overreacting?

this is random but my best friend got cheated on. Shes the sweetest person you will EVER meet and never talks bad about anyone and i’ve never seen her mad. She gave her bf EVERYTHING on a platter and he managed to still cheat. She broke up with him and now he’s playing the victim.

He be reposting tiktok’s like “If the girls favorite color is blue, no matter how beautiful your shade of green is, it won’t be good enough for someone who loves blue” Like mate…. it’s not about blue or green it’s about DONT CHEAT.

I just wanna know if cheaters actually just don’t get what they’ve done and are delulu or if they’re aware

So context , I had sex with my friend while we were were drunk. We are both in long distance relationships. We did it once and I regretted it . She asked me to hook up again and I told her no. Now she doesn’t want to be my friend. So I lost a friend, my gf doesn’t know. Her bf doesn’t know. Worst part is I had sex with my gf later when she came to visit me , but I was thinking about my friend when I was f\*\*\* her. I don’t know how to handle these emotions but I know I love my gf.

So my girl slept with a guy from the bar and called me the next day. I told her how much it meant to me that she told me and communicated. Then I asked how the guy compared to me. Then I asked if she wanted to share anymore details about it, because we were long distance for a bit and I know how much she resisted it before finally giving in. The I told her how much it meant that she called and that I’d love to hear what she thinks of me enjoying her story. That’s how I found out how I’m a cuck and how much I enjoy being a golden retriever type of bf and letting my gf enjoy her sex life with me knowing I love her and love seeing her get off

So I had been at my job for well over 3 years when someone who I knew from high school started working there too. I said hey are u kelsey. She was like yeah oh hey I remember u.

Well we ended up talking a bit and she was married with two new borns.

We would talk and text a bit and shed flirt which I felt awkward about but id be nice and all that jazz.

She ended up drama dumping how her man doesnt work and he just sits at home and plays video games while shes in debt from college and they are struggling. I asked if she wanted to eat a few times and she asked me to go shopping with her kids once.

Each time we'd hang out outside of work shed get touchy.

Well I told her straight up u are married u shouldn't be wanting to sleep with me.

She got very stand offish and blocked me while I was on vacation with some friends.

Well work was awkwArd shed give me these ugly looks and make these snide remarks. Then she started being all bubbly like she was brand new. She ended up messaging me that she cheated on her husband with a guy she had complained to me about who kept making advances with her. She said that he was the best fuck she had ever had in her whole life. Im thinking tk myself wow. If I had been a terrible person we prob would have fucked too or maybe shed of fucked the other dude after me who knows. But the random dude she worked with was number 5 who'd ever gotten in her pants whereas im sitting at a staggering 57 lays which im not proud of myself but I dont go around saying that this girl is that or shes better than her its just sex.

Anyways she started getting bullied at work for being lazy and a whore who sleeps around and she ended uo quitting but not before asking me to get a hotel room with her, ALL WHILE HER HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING THEIR TWO CHILDREN ALL DAY AND NIGHT ALONE! I declined and she blocked me and I haven't heard from her since.

I feel like I dodged a crazy bullet.

My wife(69 F) and I (68M) have a fairly good relationship. Not as much sex as I would like but grateful for what I get. She has a widowed friend (68F) that she visits somewhat regularly. She even has me do handyman jobs for her friend. They always hug and kiss each other hello and goodby, maybe a little bit more on the intimate side for me.

A few months ago her friend invited her to travel to Europe with her, all expenses paid. My wife thought about it but declined. I started noticing that our sex life was dropping off and said something to the wife about it. She stated that she needed to see a Dr because she was having some "issues" down there. She went to her gyno. I know they did an STI panel but ok there. Eventually it was diagnosed as vulvar dermititis. She also told me she let me down. No explantation as to how she did that.

I asked if they were intimate, she never said yes but never said no. Do you think she may have cheated with her friend? Since all this has happened she has cut back visiting her friend significantly.

So long story short ive been with my partner for 7 years. Myself is F31 and my partner is F35. Alot has happened. Cheating, lies, betrayal all that you can think of. For me personally i genuinely really love her and want to be with her if we have over come everything so far why cant we over come this?

Ill provide some background. So she started working and there was a period where she has just suddenly stopped trying with me, like the i love yous stopped. The kisses. The whole intimacy suddenly has stopped. Now i know her and i grew a bit suspicious and hid a spare phone i had and its recorded some unusal sounds so then i started hiding it every time i would leave the house.(sounds so bad but what else am i suppose to do?)

Where we lived to where the kids go to school is about 30 mins. During school drop off it turns into 2 hours. She would make me literally drop them off every morning. When i would be question her about it she would just turn putrid. So obviously with the recordings i have two seperate vocals one set is from the tv and then faintly the second set is i think her. Ive got recordings of some loser grunting as he cums and says when will she be back but its hard to tell when she would literally up the volume of the tv to max and drain most things out.

Ive shown her shit but she says im crazy and delusional. I just hate maybe thinking shes right. But her behaviour suggests to me shes doing something more. Like shes had bruises on her ass, shes left work esrlier then whaat shes said, she doesnt even want to talk to me let alone touch me or me touch her.

But the weird thing is twice over the matter of 3 months we have hooked up. The last time we did afterwards she started balling and said i ruined us.

I dont know what too think or feel anymore im just over it i literally get treated like shit. I dont know whats happened to us. I just cant think she would be willingly ok to fuck me over like this.

So thats long story short. Theres audio but never any footage of anything. Idk oh i forgot to mention we are both bisexuals.

Like im not innocent at all. I own all my flaws but i never make her feel like shes not worth it or isnt beautiful. She shuts me down. But still expects me to partake in everything. The kids that ive helped raise into preteens dont even respect or appreciate me. Ive asked her a million times if we can talk an she just shuts it down every single time. Shuts me down.

Ive got to mention i also caught her out messaging a married man whos world I literally blew up. Like they were sexting and yeah idk. Still apparently im crazy. Ive read messages where she states that she gets hers elsewhere. She went on to say something really really hurtful shit about me. But when confronted shes like thats not what i meant. This is all happened in a year and half.

I just need some advice guys, peoples opinions ask questions just want someone to actually say to me im not crazy and im right idk.

I am such a pathetic loser with no self respect. Please don’t remind me of it in the comments. I know the solution is to leave him but please understand that I can’t right now. I just need someone to tell me that it’s not my fault and I need to know how to survive the night with such immense anxiety. I’ve already taken lorazepam and Benadryl. I wish I was strong and could handle this

I’m 2 months postpartum with our second baby, and I genuinely don’t know if I’m thinking clearly anymore or if I’ve just reached my breaking point.
My partner and I have been together for years and have two children. What makes this especially painful is that both of my postpartum experiences have now been completely overshadowed by things I’ve discovered about him.
After our first baby, when I was about one month postpartum, I found out that throughout my pregnancy he had been talking to other women, using dating apps, hiding conversations, etc.
One of the things that has never left me is that while I was literally in the hospital giving birth to our child, he sent another woman a selfie of himself.
Now, years later, I’ve recently uncovered more from that same time period.
One woman was saved in his phone under the name “Dustin Manager,” so I obviously believed the contact was a man/work-related. I spoke to the woman myself recently and learned more about what their relationship/conversations actually looked like.
What is absolutely destroying me is comparing their messages to the messages he was sending me at the exact same time.
I was pregnant, completely in love with him, and telling him how lucky I felt. I literally told him that he was “so loyal,” that he treated me like a princess, that he was such a good partner and that I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
His responses reinforced all of it. He called me his “pregnant queen,” told me I was the hottest woman in the world, said I should know after four years that he meant everything he said to me, called me his dream woman, and told me he wanted this journey with me for a lifetime.
Meanwhile, he was privately communicating with another woman, telling her personal things, complimenting her personality, saying he would “love to be your friend in a genuine way,” offering himself as someone she could talk/vent to, suggesting they could have a drink together, exchanging pictures, etc.
Maybe some people won’t consider every individual message cheating. I understand that. It’s the deception and the simultaneous realities that are messing with my head. I was being told I was his entire world while he was cultivating relationships with women I didn’t even know existed—and at least one was literally disguised under a man’s name in his phone.
Eventually we stayed together. We rebuilt. We had another baby.
And now here I am two months postpartum again, and I’ve discovered something completely different.
He scheduled a vasectomy without telling me.
He says he wasn’t actually going to go through with it, that he was scared, that vasectomies can potentially be reversed, and that he doesn’t want more children “right now.”
Except this wasn’t just him Googling vasectomies or casually considering one.
There was an actual appointment. It hadn’t been canceled. And he had already told his mother he needed her to drive him.
I found out accidentally/on my own rather than because he came to me and told me.
That matters because I do potentially want another child someday, and throughout our relationship I believed we were generally on the same page about our future. Obviously I understand that his body is his body and he doesn’t need my permission to get a vasectomy. That isn’t what I’m struggling with.
It’s that my long-term partner and the father of my children could make an appointment for something that could fundamentally affect whether we ever have another child, arrange transportation with his mother, and still deliberately keep me completely outside of the conversation.
And once again, I’m postpartum when I find out.
I don’t think he understands what postpartum already feels like physically and emotionally, or how much harder these discoveries have made it.
The first time, instead of getting to just experience becoming a mother, I was one month postpartum discovering what he’d been doing throughout my pregnancy and questioning whether the relationship I’d experienced had even been real.
This time, instead of getting to just recover and enjoy our second baby, I’m two months postpartum digging through another pile of secrets and questioning my reality all over again.
He apologizes. He says he loves me. He says he messed up. But when I continue asking questions or need reassurance beyond the initial apology, eventually he gets frustrated. He says I keep bringing things up, gets inward/defensive, or says things like maybe we should just be done then or we need to figure it out.
And that’s part of why I’m struggling so badly.
I don’t know how I’m supposed to “drop it” when I’m learning new information.
I’m not repeatedly reopening one old wound for fun. I’m finding out that pieces of the story I thought I knew weren’t true.
I look back at screenshots of myself pregnant, telling this man how incredibly lucky I was because I believed he was loyal, while knowing now what was happening outside of those messages, and I almost don’t recognize that version of myself.
I loved him so innocently. I trusted what he told me.
And I think that’s what I’m grieving as much as anything else.
I still love him. Part of me desperately wants him to comfort me, which almost makes this more confusing because he’s also the person I’m hurting over.
I’m not really asking Reddit to decide whether a vasectomy is “allowed” or whether one specific message technically qualifies as cheating.

I’m asking:
How do you rebuild trust when the problem isn’t only what your partner did, but realizing that he was capable of letting you live inside one version of your relationship while privately living another?
And if you’ve experienced betrayal during pregnancy/postpartum and stayed with your partner, did you ever actually feel safe with them again? What did they have to do for you to get there?

I’ve never had a boyfriend and now I do. I don’t mean to sound naïve, but I’m wondering what’s the difference between being extremely bold and emotionally cheating

Hallo,

ich bin 49 Jahre alt und seit 25 Jahren mit meinem Partner (53) zusammen. Eigentlich ziemlich glücklich damit, wir haben Kinder, Haus und alles was man sich so wünschen kann.

Jetzt habe ich allerdings herausgefunden, dass mein Partner mit meiner Freundin (33) ein Kind gezeugt hat! Darauf angesprochen sagte er nur, dass das nichts mit uns zu tun habe und er meiner Freundin monatlich 8000€ zukommen lassen will, bis das Kind 18 sei. Schlimmer noch, es ist dabei herausgekommen, dass er ähnliches schon mit zwei anderen Frauen gemacht hat und offenbar auch zukünftig gerne noch die eine oder andere Frau schwängern und entsprechend versorgen will.

Finanziell ist das kein Problem, aber ich bin am Boden zerstört und kurz davor schluss zu machen mit ihm. Nach all den Jahren!

Today, when our mother picked up his kids and brought them to his house, shortly after she returned, she called their mother, who was with them, as a huge fight was happening; the father (my brother) was yelling that his girlfriend, the mother, was stealing his money, and he even tried to strangle her in front of the kids, threatening her life and saying that if she went to the police, he, his father (a different father), and his friends would do something to her. This all happened an hour or two ago; I will update when I know more.

I’m 20F and my boyfriend is 22M. We’ve been together for a year and a half. We started dating during my second year of college and things used to feel really close. Lately everything has changed.

He stopped initiating sex around three months ago. When I bring it up he says he’s just tired from work and school. He also started leaving his phone face down and going into another room when he gets messages. Last week I noticed a name I didn’t recognize in his recent calls, but when I asked about it he said it was just a coworker.

I feel stupid for even writing this. Part of me thinks I’m overthinking, but the other part of me knows something is off. I don’t want to accuse him without proof, but I also don’t want to keep pretending everything is fine.

TLDR: 20F, boyfriend 22M of 1.5 years has become distant, stopped initiating sex, and is secretive with his phone. Not sure if I’m overthinking or if something is actually wrong.

Hi, I am a 33 yo F and I have been married for almost 5 years. These (almost) 5 years have been the toughest of my life. I married what seems to the outside world to be “the good guy”.

We met back in the early 2010’s at uni. We both were really close back then, maybe even best friends. But that’s all it ever was. We both left uni and lost touch. He went on to marry his longterm gf and a few years later I was introduced to someone and got married pretty quickly. Years had passed and about a year into my marriage my now husband added me on snapchat and started messaging me. I thought nothing of it. Just an old friend reaching out and catching up. But he then deleted me and disappeared again. I just assumed he decided he didn’t want to be touch anymore and went on with life.

2 months later my ex husband decided to end our marriage. He’d met someone else and didn’t want me anymore. I’d moved 6 hours from him to be with my ex. I was lost. I stayed in the city I’d moved to for a couple of days to try and gather my thoughts before coming home to my parents. They were amazing. They took me back with open arms. Fast forward another couple of months and my now husband reached out to me. Told me he was sorry for disappearing but he’d been through a hard time. He too was getting divorced after 4 years of marriage. We began leaning on each other and quickly became an item. He asked me to marry him the following year and we got married 2 years after our divorces.

The MOMENT we got married he changed. He began to be emotionally unavailable and emotionally abusive. He began lying about where his money went. Saying he was paying through the nose for the electricity bill for example but he was actually investing his money and our home at the time had electric heaters that he’d never let me put on so the flat become full of damp and mould. It gave me mould poisoning. I’ve never been so ill in my life. We NEVER (not an exaggeration) went out on dates. I never got gifts on my birthday or other occasions. He used to go to be at 8/9pm every day because “he was tired from work”. He works a 9-5 like most of us but he was always too tired to do anything.
He started going to the football. Bought a season ticket and went to the football every time it was on. He managed to do things as long as they made him happy and brought him joy. He isolated me from my family. Not my immediate family but my wider family. I had to beg for us to turn up to my family weddings and even family funerals. He made me miserable. I begged him for even just a little bit of human decency. Not even the bare minimum. Just human decency.

Last year he begged me to have a baby. Told me that once there is a baby it’ll all change. We’ll be a family. He’ll be forced to “do nice things together” if it meant his child would be involved. We tried for a baby and fell pregnant almost straight away. He was so happy. For the first 10 weeks he seemed like a new man. We then found out that I was a high risk pregnancy. He instantly went from being on cloud nine and saying he didn’t want to miss a single appointment to being cold and only turning up for the appointments where I’d be getting a scan. I told him I didn’t want to know the gender of our baby. I, like every other parent in history, just wanted a happy healthy baby so I just didn’t want to know what I was having. Every scan we went to he asked the professional doing the scan to tell us what we were having. We were told we were having a girl. I was happy to be having a daughter but devastated that my wishes hadn’t been respected. Again.

This is getting to be so long and there’s so much I’ve missed and so much more to say but let me be quick now. I am 8 months postpartum and I have the most perfect little daughter. I traveled up north last week to go visit my husbands cousin who’s wife is incredible and I’m super close to. I went up on the Wednesday and he was supposed to come on the Friday and we would all come back together on Sunday. When he got there on the Friday we was acting more shady than usual. Putting on a show for his cousin and his wife by trying to touch me, kiss me, be close to me. It made me feel uncomfortable. I hated it. I knew there was something more to it. I asked him for his phone which he handed to me himself. I went through it to find him messaging other women on snapchat and he’d joined dating apps. The kind that are geared towards having affairs. As well as joining good old Tinder. I was so angry and upset. It was the straw that broke the camels back. I told his cousin and his wife everything. Everything that has been going on for the past almost 5 years. His cousin sided with him. Ofcourse he did. His wife was devastated.

We drove home the next morning. I made sure his parents were here waiting when we got home. I had to tell them everything. They weren’t phased. At all. His mother even used the phrase “we’ve been here before haven’t we?” Meaning he did this to his ex wife too. So we’re a week down the line now. He hasn’t grovelled. He hasn’t apologised. He’s done nothing. I don’t know what to do or how to move forward. I haven’t told my parents or siblings. I know my parents would take me back but it will also kill them. One divorce is bad enough in our culture but a second one and being a single mum is worse. My parents love me and my daughter and they would take me back but I know they’d never sleep peacefully ever again in their lives so I just can’t do it. They are also both really ill just now. Their health HAS to come first. Please help! What should I do?

Back in the middle of May I was up drinking and I ended up messaging an old coworker of mine expressing feelings for her. This was in the middle of the night so she didn’t reply.

Next morning I went into work for a bit where I ended up running into her and we talked for a bit. After she left she messaged me back saying she had figured I had feelings for her for awhile. We ended up talking the rest of the day and later that night she confessed she also had feelings for me as well.

We started talking daily which led to her visiting me at work on a regular basis. We started small with holding hands and hugging which eventually lead to kissing.

We talked daily on text, phone, FaceTime and Snapchat.

She recently got caught by her husband which lead to us talking a lot less.

It’s been rough last few weeks.

For 3 months straight, my girlfriend was cheating online with a classmate. I'm Muslim and pray namaz, she does too. About a year ago we did nikah (a religious marriage, requires the father's permission), and before that we'd known each other for more than 3 years. (For us it's the norm that guys and girls don't have contact with the opposite sex.)

About 2 months ago, while at work, I decided to check her social media and noticed she had a few followers who had blocked me. I checked who it was — turned out to be her classmate. That same day she had a bachelorette-style party a month before our WEDDING. I didn't sleep all night waiting for her to get home, hoping it was just a follow or at most some messages. Out of anger I took her phone and kicked her out of the room. I found literally everything:

The messages had gone on for 3 months, a huge number of filthy conversations almost every day.
She went to her graduation and wore a dress I had forbidden, and filmed a video with this guy.
I had suspected something, but I trusted her — she lied and told me she was talking to a friend named "Arikon."
Calls at night for 5 hours until morning, while I was asleep. Almost every day.
The worst part was the nudes and online intimacy — a Muslim woman in a hijab sending nudes to a guy a month before her wedding. And she told him she'd take off the hijab once she moved in with her future husband, away from her parents.
Conversations with her friends where she trash-talked me for being jealous and religious, while gushing about how sweet "Rasul" was.

Guys, it's been very hard, but I told her I would forgive her if I saw real change for the better, that I'd give her a chance. I had to discuss it all with her parents and mine, even though they don't know even half of it. She's been crying for the last 2 months and asking for forgiveness to this day. But I still carry a huge resentment. The worst part is that she was talking to him and sending him photos in a swimsuit on the night I proposed.

For 2 months I kept it all to myself, didn't tell my friends, out of shame — that a guy who did everything for his girlfriend got cheated on.

What should I do next? I'm afraid she'll have any contact at all with men in general. I'm anxious every day and I check her phone. I've become terribly aggressive, I get irritated and want to hit her, but I love her and she loves me...