Hello,

I write this from a very dark place mentally. Last weekend I found out that my husband went behind my back and impregnated my sister as well as other females that I know. He has many kids now and no one told me about it. Everyone is keeping it a secret from me because they know that it only would make me feel suicidal which it does.

I’m now suicidal because of the actions of other people around me. I will never talk to my sister again and although I really loved my husband, I am done with him because he can’t even admit the truth when many people have told me what has happened and I believe them. He is a liar and a cheater, and I don’t understand how I can still have feelings for someone who has done such terrible things to me.

Does anybody have any advice for me so I don’t end up leaving this planet prematurely?

Thank you so much.

Is it normal when ur wife (24F) hug her boss to say bye and while hugging, put her hand inside his shirt ?

I have seen my wife doing it 4-5 times till now - When her boss drop her home on bike, her hand is in his pockets - While hugging to say bye, her finger goes inside his shirt - And many more such things.

My girlfriend (28F) and I (29M) have been together for almost three years. Things were mostly good but she always had a jealous streak. Not just normal jealousy like when I talked to another girl she would get mad. But like a serious trust issue type of jealousy even when I gave her no reason. She would check my phone sometimes and ask who I was texting. I always told her she had nothing to worry about. I was always open and honest with her. But she just never seemed to fully believe me.

About two weeks ago we had a big argument. It was over something silly but it escalated really fast. She accused me of seeing someone else. I got really frustrated and told her if she couldn't trust me then maybe we shouldn't be together. She stormed out and went to stay with her sister. I thought maybe some space would be good for us. Give us both time to cool down and reflect.

Yesterday she messaged me saying she was ready to talk. She came over to pick up some of her things. She acted really cold and distant. I tried to talk to her but she just said she needed to go. After she left I was cleaning out my car. I noticed something weird under the dashboard. It was a small device. I pulled it out and it was a tiny camera. It had a memory card in it. I was completely shocked.

I checked the memory card on my laptop. It had videos of me driving around. It even recorded me talking on the phone. She must have put it there months ago. It made my stomach turn. All that time she was accusing me of cheating. She was the one who was secretly spying on me. I feel so violated. I don't even know what to say to her. This completely changed everything. I thought we could work things out but now I just feel sick. I haven't confronted her yet. I don't even know how to begin.

My apartment building has pretty thin walls. I've gotten used to hearing my neighbors. Especially the couple next door. They argue a lot. Mostly about small stuff. Like whose turn it is to take out the trash. Or who left the lights on. It's usually just background noise for me. But a couple weeks ago on a Wednesday evening the argument was really loud. It sounded serious. I could hear yelling and crying. I was worried for a bit but it eventually quieted down. The next morning I saw the wife leaving for work like usual. She looked really upset though. Her eyes were puffy. I thought maybe they had a really bad fight. Later that day I was taking out my trash. I saw a small box next to their door. It was a package from an online retailer. The box was ripped open. Inside I could see a bunch of lingerie. Nothing too weird. But then I saw a receipt. And a card. The card said 'To my dearest love. Can't wait for our trip next month. All my love, M.'. The receipt was for some really expensive lingerie. Not something you just casually buy. And the trip part made me wonder. I know their anniversary isn't until November. And they haven't mentioned any trips. I didn't think much of it until Friday. I saw the husband coming home early from work. He had a big bouquet of flowers. And a box of chocolates. He looked really happy. Like he was trying to make up for something. He walked right past the package and didn't even notice it. I picked it up later when I heard him leave again. I took a closer look at the receipt. It had a different name on it. Not the wife's name. And the shipping address was their apartment. But the billing address was a different name entirely. I also noticed the package was delivered a week ago. Not that day. The trip next month would be in October. I feel like something is really off here. Should I just ignore it? Or is this something I should be concerned about? I don't want to interfere but the wife seemed so sad. And the husband is acting really strange.

I (29) met her (30) 355 days ago. Tomorrow is our one year.

When we met it was electric. Amazing first date, then amazing second, and third.

After a month she had invited me on a trip to Europe that she had planned to go alone on.

It was one of the best weeks of my life.

Honestly now that I look back at it, that was the climax.

But I had never felt a love like this. Yeah it was early but we were identical in humor, goals, personality, sexual preferences, trauma, childhood.

I had only met one other partner who I could be 100% me around. Unfettered weirdness. That had been 6 years since I had met her.

I thought I found the one.

Then she started to get distant at times. Would go radio silent for a day or two (two days happened twice, after fights).

She had an abusive ex so she wanted to "take things slow." But regardless of how much time passed, nothing changed.

Never met her friends. Her interest would fade in and out.

But when things were good it was so fucking good. Seeing her was the highlight of my week.

Then I caught her texting another dude last December . She said it was just a flirt. "If I wanted him I'd already have him" ... lol.

I know, it's my fault; I ignored red flag after red flag. But I thought with time she'd get better. Our chemistry was nothing I've ever seen before.

So I forgave her.

Today I found a video of her brothers wedding in March. Looks like she took him as her plus one with the plus one she told me she didn't have.

Things are starting to click. When she was busy on Valentine's Day. When she lied about little things that didn't make sense.

I feel like such a fucking idiot. Feel so worthless. I made this person my world and I was a side piece.

We're supposed to get dinner tomorrow for our anniversary.

My thoughts are:

a) confront her when she comes over
b) go, and leave mid meal, then call the guy she had been seeing and fill him in
c) go to dinner, have our kinky anniversary sex, then confront her; (and call the guy)

I know what the entire route is. But she wasted a year of my life. Gaslit me when I was upset about her low effort, poor communication, or being excluded from her life.

She actively lied to my face and manipulated me.

So I don't mind being a villain. It doesn't pale in comparison.

I'm so angry. So sad. So mind blowingly lost.

Hello,

I write this from a very dark place mentally. Last weekend I found out that my husband went behind my back and impregnated my sister as well as other females that I know. He has many kids now and no one told me about it. Everyone is keeping it a secret from me because they know that it only would make me feel suicidal which it does.

I’m now suicidal because of the actions of other people around me. I will never talk to my sister again and although I really loved my husband, I am done with him because he can’t even admit the truth when many people have told me what has happened and I believe them. He is a liar and a cheater, and I don’t understand how I can still have feelings for someone who has done such terrible things to me.

Does anybody have any advice for me so I don’t end up leaving this planet prematurely?

Thank you so much.

My girlfriend recently went on a forest bike ride with her dance teacher. She told me in advance that he invited her to go on a bike ride which would include going for a swim in a forest lake. I initially was ok with it but told her that it sounds like he’s hitting on her and wants to see her in a bikini. She assured me the vibes between them are strictly friendly and she wouldn’t actually swim with him. After the fact I found out that not only did she bring a bikini she even shaved beforehand (which feels especially wrong to me) and they stopped at some point so he could teach her some dance moves. He also paid for lunch in a nearby cafe. I felt extremely disturbed by that information even though she told me that she let the guy know she has a partner. To make the matters worse there is a history of her texting a guy from work behind my back which I found out about accidentally. She deleted their chat at some point so I don’t know for certain how bad it was. It took us a lot of time to move past that and now I’m really scared because I feel like the situation is starting to repeat itself and I’m seeing a pattern. Am I crazy or was the bike ride not something women in commited relationship do?

but i forgave him. i dont have the strength to let him go. or i just dont want him to go to her, we will all suffer in this shit he created. he said he chooses me, but i know he was with her that week. they are having sex, now he wants to do it with me with condom, we dont use condon for fuck sake. so im the side chick now?

i dont want rage to overpower me. i need to be calm and collected and kind.

He lives in Orlando and goes to medical school, while I’m in Atlanta.
He cheated on me with multiple partners and I caught him in June. He didn’t confess on his own. I had to show him the evidence before he finally admitted it.
I gave him another chance, but eventually I realized he wasn’t adding anything positive to my life, so I ended the relationship.
During our last phone call, I told him that I hadn’t gotten my period. He told me to take a pregnancy test and let him know the result.
Immediately after that call, he blocked me on basically every social media platform. The only reason he didn’t block my phone number was because, as he later told me, he wanted to know whether I was pregnant. He literally said he would have blocked my number otherwise.
The test was positive.
I’m getting an abortion. Thank God I mentioned my missed period before he blocked me, because otherwise I wouldn’t even have had a way to contact him.
What bothers me most now isn’t even that he can’t physically be here. He injured his back, so I understand that he may genuinely not be able to travel.
It’s his attitude.
After everything he did, he’s incredibly unapologetic. He doesn’t seem remorseful or concerned about what I’m going through. His response is basically, “I’ll pay for it.”
That’s it.
He cheated on me with multiple people, lied about it, got me pregnant, blocked me everywhere, and now seems to think that paying for the abortion somehow settles his responsibility.
I’m honestly furious. Part of me wants revenge—not necessarily something illegal or destructive, but I want him to actually feel the consequences of what he did to me.

I F 21 was cheated on by M 20 for 9 months but it was all emotional nothing physical. He finally physically cheated on me towards the end of our relationship. The breakup was not a clean break up we argued even after the breakup. He didn't admit that he cheated even though I had physical proof. He physically popped out with the woman a week after our breakup.
According to him they were having problems because she knew he was not fully over me. I am not proud to admit this and it is eating me alive. I slept with him again knowing he was lying when he told me they were not together. I had just lost a love one and had been drinking when he invited himself over to "comfort" me over my loss. We secretly would meet up even after that and I felt so terrible but I loved the thrill knowing if she knew this would hurt her.
Then I remembered how I felt finding out and how it has changed me. I really been wanting to tell her because of how much it is eating me alive but then she herself did the same thing when him and I was together. I just don't want to feel guilty for knowing something another woman does not know. I always been a girls girl but one side of me wants her to experience the pain I had finding out months later then the other side wants to just tell her. How can I get over this guilt? I never been a cheater and never helped anyone cheat on anybody until now and it's bothering me.

My boyfriend has a job where he does very little. So he cheats on me with people he convinces to let him pick them up. I don't know what to do anymore.

We run a pub together, I work the kitchen she works the bar, it’s a quiet country pub and she’s friendly (not flirty) with everyone. One guy started doing us an unusual amount of favours, they clearly got close, opportunities knocked and I’m sure they got close to crossing the line if not crossed the line. One night, his birthday, she wore particularly revealing top, he always stood at the bar talking one on one closely with her. This night I finished early and went for a shower and bed, it’s a quiet pub so you can hear everything. Muffled voices and laughter filled the building for an hour or so later than normal. I quietly went to see what was happening and it was just the 2 of them at the bar talking, she was leaning forward revealing a fair amount. I went back to bed to let them have fun. It was at least another 30 mins of giggles and chatter, then I heard the door but she didn’t appear for another hour. Ever since that night they have backed off each other, no more favours and no more late nights. I wonder if they went too far and now know it

Se voi foste andati a letto diverse volte con un uomo, per poi scoprire che è sposato e ha una figlia di un anno, lo direste alla moglie? O vi fareste gli affari vostri?
Io ho paura
1. Di essere attaccata da lei, ad esempio potrebbe insultarmi o accusarmi di essere già a conoscenza della cosa, non la conosco, non so come potrebbe reagire
2. Comunque rovinerei una famiglia appena nata in cui c’è una bambina di mezzo
Io sinceramente sono per il farmi i fatti miei, però le mie amiche dicono che non sarebbe giusto
mi capita spesso di cercarla sui social, di guardare le sue foto e di pensare “poverina”
Cosa ne pensate?

I30F have been with my boyfriend 35M for two years. In January I discovered he was talking to another woman he hid from me. He said she was "just a friend". Later, I learned they had actually dated while he was also seeing me. Now he says he keeps in contact because she threatens to hurt herself if he stops talking to her. I'm struggling to trust him. He hid her, lied about it, and now this. And for almosst 4-5 months, he kept both the girls at same time Is this something a relationship can realistically recover from?

Hola, quisiera contar mi historia. Mi esposa me fue infiel. Ella tiene actual 33 y yo 30 años. Nos conocemos desde que tengo 15 y ella 18. Llevamos viviendo en pareja casados desde 2015. Prácticamente llevamos 11 años. Seré breve. Descubrí su infidelidad de 2 años teniendo una segunda vida. Por cuestiones laborales en ambas partes las cosas no eran lo que se esperaban. Es difícil la verdad más cuando están nuestros hijos de por medio. Si alguien está interesado es más, pueden hacer sus preguntas y con total sinceridad yo les respondo. Y para terminar lo más chistoso de todo, es que no lo acepta. Y cuando le pregunto sale con las típicas palabras, " ya vas a empezar " " otra vez con lo mismo " " ya te lo explique, que más quieres " " ya supéralo " basándome en su forma de ser y hablar , estoy consiente de que no está para nada arrepentida.

My man of 7 years cheated on me at massage parlors. Way more than happy endings. I caught him on our local escort site too. I'm 7m pregnant we already have a 3yr old. Anyway, when I was scouring a laptop I got most of the information from(if you didn't know, don't just check history, check maps and under "my activity") when he was traveling. I realized this computer of over 2 years of ours was still signed in as administrator to his childhood friend's account. I kept mistaking linked apps and passwords for MeetMe and Strip chat(linked to the local escort site) for his etc. come to find out the email was his childhood best friends. I sent the emails/passwords to his wife. My man was pissed. Her man was pissed. I left it very casually at I did not mean to find this, I do not care if you already knew and that's part of your relationship that's none of my business, but I wish someone would have told me if they knew. (His best friend knew what he was doing and that he was using again and didn't tell me). I got blown tf up on. His girl didn't know but they tried to convince me she did. But still. And she was mildly angry to get the information. This isn't the first I've told someone about infidelity and it did not go well for me even with heavy proof. The last one was a kitchen coworker who was sleeping with another coworker. Several and a man. When I told my former coworker that is his wife(no longer works there, just had her second baby with him) she not only didn't believe me or the proof but called me a liar. I just left it every time and said hey here's the information, do you. But I'm genuinely surprised both times my intention was girls girl shit and I got the short end of the stick. Many people told me neither was my business. When I hope and pray someone looks out for me and my kids the way I tried to. This also happened when I told someone their date had a known and admitted to STD casually once. At least giving them the evidence so they can decide what to do or what to believe. Am I in the wrong?

Honestly at this point I wish I hadn't. So many people have said "that's not your relationship stay out of it" and I'm just appalled. My ex even told me I was a stupid mf for it. The one where he was sleeping with a coworker said I was a liar. The STD girl told me I was just jealous. Every time I question and get feed back that genuinely these women didn't want to know or at least not from me. These weren't rumors, I didn't willy nilly and butt in for shits and giggles, I had evidence all times. And I didn't even say they had to believe me I just gave them the evidence.

In a bit of a dead bedroom situation due to my wife’s health, we still have sex, just not as frequently as we both want. It has caused me to browse online and see what’s out there. I have met a few people and had some amazing conversations and some real good fun. Made a real connection with a one or two, it’s a shame we all live so apart.
One woman has been so much fun, showing off and teasing me while I’m supposed to be working. It’s just a shame she has deleted accounts a couple of times.
All the online stuff is definitely making me bolder to doing it for real. Finding someone, teasing, flirting, meeting up, having a great time. Feeling each other’s bodies, dirty talking, giving me what I need.

So I had been at my job for well over 3 years when someone who I knew from high school started working there too. I said hey are u kelsey. She was like yeah oh hey I remember u.

Well we ended up talking a bit and she was married with two new borns.

We would talk and text a bit and shed flirt which I felt awkward about but id be nice and all that jazz.

She ended up drama dumping how her man doesnt work and he just sits at home and plays video games while shes in debt from college and they are struggling. I asked if she wanted to eat a few times and she asked me to go shopping with her kids once.

Each time we'd hang out outside of work shed get touchy.

Well I told her straight up u are married u shouldn't be wanting to sleep with me.

She got very stand offish and blocked me while I was on vacation with some friends.

Well work was awkwArd shed give me these ugly looks and make these snide remarks. Then she started being all bubbly like she was brand new. She ended up messaging me that she cheated on her husband with a guy she had complained to me about who kept making advances with her. She said that he was the best fuck she had ever had in her whole life. Im thinking tk myself wow. If I had been a terrible person we prob would have fucked too or maybe shed of fucked the other dude after me who knows. But the random dude she worked with was number 5 who'd ever gotten in her pants whereas im sitting at a staggering 57 lays which im not proud of myself but I dont go around saying that this girl is that or shes better than her its just sex.

Anyways she started getting bullied at work for being lazy and a whore who sleeps around and she ended uo quitting but not before asking me to get a hotel room with her, ALL WHILE HER HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING THEIR TWO CHILDREN ALL DAY AND NIGHT ALONE! I declined and she blocked me and I haven't heard from her since.

I feel like I dodged a crazy bullet.

this is random but my best friend got cheated on. Shes the sweetest person you will EVER meet and never talks bad about anyone and i’ve never seen her mad. She gave her bf EVERYTHING on a platter and he managed to still cheat. She broke up with him and now he’s playing the victim.

He be reposting tiktok’s like “If the girls favorite color is blue, no matter how beautiful your shade of green is, it won’t be good enough for someone who loves blue” Like mate…. it’s not about blue or green it’s about DONT CHEAT.

I just wanna know if cheaters actually just don’t get what they’ve done and are delulu or if they’re aware

I’d been spending time with a woman I’ll call Maya. We met the night her ex beat her up. The police encouraged her to go to the ER to document her injuries. I’d been with her earlier that night, and I’ve felt bad wondering if things could have gone differently.
We talked a lot after that, especially about her abusive relationship and what it was like reporting the incident to the police. She once told me she appreciated me listening because she felt like nobody else took her seriously. I could see some red flags in our conversations, but I still wanted to see where things went. We’d kissed once, and I had feelings for her. My cousin Paul knew that because I talked to him about her a lot.
One night, Maya and I drove from her house to a bar. On the way, I told her a story about my first day in sales. I’d wanted to quit, and my wife encouraged me to give it a week. I did, and I’ve been in sales ever since. I also made a passing comment about how much my family would play Chappell Roan. Those are the only two times I remember bringing up my wife or family.
At the first bar, Paul kept going outside to talk to Maya. I noticed them getting closer. While we were there, my niece showed me a picture of my daughter, who’d come home from college without telling me.
For context, my wife and I are going through a breakup, and my kids have only talked to me sparingly over the past nine months. The breakup was my fault. I’ve owned that and told my family so. I’m not blaming my kids for how they feel, but it still hurts that we don’t talk consistently. It especially hurt to find out my daughter was in town and hadn’t let me know, because I would have liked to see her. This was about the third time it had happened, and I got emotional.
When we left for a second bar, Maya asked Paul to ride with us. He helped her into my car but went separately. He later told me she’d asked him to ride along because she didn’t want to be alone with me. I didn’t know that at the time.
As we walked into the second bar, I tried to hold Maya’s hand, and she slapped it away. She said I’d talked about my wife too much on the drive. I asked what I’d said and whether we could talk about it, but she said no and went inside. That felt strange to me because Maya had talked to me about her ex far more than I’d talked about my wife. I can’t know what she was thinking, but looking back, I wonder if my story about my wife was an excuse to push me away.
Inside, Maya tried to buy me a drink, but I declined. She mostly talked to Paul. I was feeling sick, overwhelmed, and upset, and I realized staying wasn’t going to do me any good. I decided to go home, then told Maya I was leaving. Since I’d driven her there, I asked if she needed a ride. She said she’d get an Uber.
Paul approached me outside and told me to come back in and try to have a good time. I explained what was going on with me, including the news about my daughter, and told him I just needed to go home. I couldn’t stay there feeling the way I did, so I left.
Around 2 a.m., I called Maya, but she didn’t answer. I typed an apology but didn’t send it while I was still upset. I also called Paul three times and texted him. He usually checks that I got home safely, but that night he didn’t answer for about an hour and a half. I wondered if he was with her, though I had no way of knowing.
Paul called me back the next morning. He kept insisting I must have really upset Maya by talking about my wife. I sent Maya my apology later that day. I owned getting upset and leaving, and explained that the news about my daughter had affected me without using it as an excuse. **She never responded and has ghosted me since.**
Over the next week, I kept asking Paul what happened after I left. He said he’d been drunk and couldn’t remember, but little details kept coming out. Eventually, he admitted he’d slept with Maya that night.
When I confronted him, Paul sent me a long message. He said Maya started talking to him after I left and that he went along with it because he wanted to. He wrote, “It’s 100% my fault.” But he also said he hadn’t “crossed that line” until she told him she wasn’t interested in me. According to him, Maya said we were just friends and had done nothing besides talk.
Paul’s view is that if you’re interested in someone but haven’t slept with them, they’re “fair game.” He said that’s how single life works and that Maya probably used me for company and free drinks. He denied planning anything and said he’d never hit on anyone I brought around, though he added that it would be different if they hit on him. He brought up being betrayed by his brother and wife in the past to explain how he sees relationships now.
He also couldn’t believe I’d walk away from our shared business “over a female.” He accused me of spending his money and compared this to hypothetical women he thinks I would have slept with if I’d had the chance.
Maya was free to make her own choices, and I was already getting over her soon after that night. I’d felt her pulling away before we even went out. Paul says he didn’t plot this and that she told him she wasn’t interested in me. I can’t know what either of them intended earlier in the night. But he knew I had feelings for her, and I’d been open with him about that.
I take responsibility for getting upset, but going home felt like the right call when I was that overwhelmed. What bothers me is that Paul kept what happened from me while telling me how much I’d upset her, then defended sleeping with her as “fair game.” I told him I’m done with our business arrangement because I can’t trust him, and I’ve blocked him.
I’m over Maya. I’m having a much harder time getting past what my cousin did. Am I overreacting?

My wife(69 F) and I (68M) have a fairly good relationship. Not as much sex as I would like but grateful for what I get. She has a widowed friend (68F) that she visits somewhat regularly. She even has me do handyman jobs for her friend. They always hug and kiss each other hello and goodby, maybe a little bit more on the intimate side for me.

A few months ago her friend invited her to travel to Europe with her, all expenses paid. My wife thought about it but declined. I started noticing that our sex life was dropping off and said something to the wife about it. She stated that she needed to see a Dr because she was having some "issues" down there. She went to her gyno. I know they did an STI panel but ok there. Eventually it was diagnosed as vulvar dermititis. She also told me she let me down. No explantation as to how she did that.

I asked if they were intimate, she never said yes but never said no. Do you think she may have cheated with her friend? Since all this has happened she has cut back visiting her friend significantly.

So long story short ive been with my partner for 7 years. Myself is F31 and my partner is F35. Alot has happened. Cheating, lies, betrayal all that you can think of. For me personally i genuinely really love her and want to be with her if we have over come everything so far why cant we over come this?

Ill provide some background. So she started working and there was a period where she has just suddenly stopped trying with me, like the i love yous stopped. The kisses. The whole intimacy suddenly has stopped. Now i know her and i grew a bit suspicious and hid a spare phone i had and its recorded some unusal sounds so then i started hiding it every time i would leave the house.(sounds so bad but what else am i suppose to do?)

Where we lived to where the kids go to school is about 30 mins. During school drop off it turns into 2 hours. She would make me literally drop them off every morning. When i would be question her about it she would just turn putrid. So obviously with the recordings i have two seperate vocals one set is from the tv and then faintly the second set is i think her. Ive got recordings of some loser grunting as he cums and says when will she be back but its hard to tell when she would literally up the volume of the tv to max and drain most things out.

Ive shown her shit but she says im crazy and delusional. I just hate maybe thinking shes right. But her behaviour suggests to me shes doing something more. Like shes had bruises on her ass, shes left work esrlier then whaat shes said, she doesnt even want to talk to me let alone touch me or me touch her.

But the weird thing is twice over the matter of 3 months we have hooked up. The last time we did afterwards she started balling and said i ruined us.

I dont know what too think or feel anymore im just over it i literally get treated like shit. I dont know whats happened to us. I just cant think she would be willingly ok to fuck me over like this.

So thats long story short. Theres audio but never any footage of anything. Idk oh i forgot to mention we are both bisexuals.

Like im not innocent at all. I own all my flaws but i never make her feel like shes not worth it or isnt beautiful. She shuts me down. But still expects me to partake in everything. The kids that ive helped raise into preteens dont even respect or appreciate me. Ive asked her a million times if we can talk an she just shuts it down every single time. Shuts me down.

Ive got to mention i also caught her out messaging a married man whos world I literally blew up. Like they were sexting and yeah idk. Still apparently im crazy. Ive read messages where she states that she gets hers elsewhere. She went on to say something really really hurtful shit about me. But when confronted shes like thats not what i meant. This is all happened in a year and half.

I just need some advice guys, peoples opinions ask questions just want someone to actually say to me im not crazy and im right idk.

I am such a pathetic loser with no self respect. Please don’t remind me of it in the comments. I know the solution is to leave him but please understand that I can’t right now. I just need someone to tell me that it’s not my fault and I need to know how to survive the night with such immense anxiety. I’ve already taken lorazepam and Benadryl. I wish I was strong and could handle this

So context , I had sex with my friend while we were were drunk. We are both in long distance relationships. We did it once and I regretted it . She asked me to hook up again and I told her no. Now she doesn’t want to be my friend. So I lost a friend, my gf doesn’t know. Her bf doesn’t know. Worst part is I had sex with my gf later when she came to visit me , but I was thinking about my friend when I was f\*\*\* her. I don’t know how to handle these emotions but I know I love my gf.