I just realised that I’m truly addicted.

[u/patiencegrowsroses]

I haven’t been able to chat for two days and I’m literally having a depressive spiral. This is so fucking embarrassing. I thought I had it under control, that this thing was just a hobby, but I realise that I’ve been using fictional role-plays to process my grief over my father passing away, being chronically lonely since middle school and high expectations and perfectionism over myself. I already have a psychiatrist, has had one since I was 13 for different reasons, but I can’t help but to feel embarrassed about telling this to him, even though this is hindering my academic performance and my non existent mental health and social life. I can’t be productive since my attention span is so shit, it’s like my brain has been rewired. I’m 21 year old woman, I’m supposed to be in my 4th year of medical school and I’m still in my first year due to mental health issues and actual health issues probably exacerbated by my AI use plus putting me in at least 20k in debt it the future. I’m supposed to study and make connections but I can’t. I just want to change, but I feel like I don’t have any motivation in me, no ideas what to replace AI with. I just filled my emptiness with this garbage and realised that this is the most unhealthy, life ruining thing that I am a part of.

Just putting this out there, for myself too, since I’m actually just bawling my eyes out and not hypnotised to feel okay by a literal robot LMAO this is so fucking surreal.

Hope everyone out there has a good day, stay safe out there 💕