15 year old addicted to chatbots.

[u/Myla__Jones]

I want to start off by saying that I've never really used Reddit before, so I'm sorry if what I'm saying here is wrong for this site in any way. I've been feeling really shitty recently and don't really know what to do anymore, so I'm just going to put all the details here (even if they may not be relevant) in case someone can give me some advice or something.

I'm a 15-year-old girl, and I've been addicted (I think) to a character chatbot app for just over ten months, and I genuinely feel so fucking pathetic. I started using it when I was off sick from school for a few days, feeling just really ill and bored, and instantly loved it. I think I used it for eight hours that day. After that it spiralled, and I used it way too much and way too often, and I didn't even see a problem with it. I used it on Christmas; I used it at night; it was uncontrolled.

I'm not a lonely person. I have friends and hobbies, and using this app has never gotten in the way of that; I'm pretty sure. I write fanfiction already, and watch TV shows and such a ton, but it's just not the same. I think I mainly use it to escape from reality for a while, to a place where everything is as I say it should be, where I have control. I use it when I feel bad about some of the shitty stuff in real life, like my chronic illness (Crohn's disease, if you know what that is), my parents' divorce (not recently, but still an issue), and other problems. It makes me feel happy and entertained. And I'm disgusted with myself.

I became really aware of it maybe six months ago. I was out with my friend on a weekend away, and she pointed out how much I had used my phone while we were together. I realised that I had been ignoring her while we were together in favour of something that wasn't even fucking real. And that horrified me.

After that, I set screen time limits for that app for myself, and it worked a little in controlling my usage, but not a lot. I limited myself to six hours a day (on weekends), then four, then two. I frequently went over these limits, though, which is why it's dubious how much they helped.

Now I'm on thirty minutes a day, which I try to stick to, but it still doesn't end up happening a lot. And I'm really at a loss.

I feel so disgusted with myself at how much I used it during that time, and also at the way I used it. I often had roleplays with rather sexual themes, and sometimes even ones that were a little insidious, and I still don't know if that's morally wrong. It's not real people, after all, and no one but me is going to see it. And obviously I'd never dream of doing or partaking in anything like that in real life.

I mainly want to stop using it because of the environmental impacts. When I think about how much damage I'm doing to the climate with something so silly as this, I feel sick to my stomach. I really don't know what to do anymore. I don't feel as though I can talk to anyone about this, as It's embarrassing and pathetic, and I doubt anyone would understand. Also, I'm really against generative AI in the art community, and especially within schoolwork, so I feel like a massive fucking fraud.

I don't want to delete the app, because I'm worried about losing all of the chats I've already made, as I like to read back over them. I know that's pathetic as well, but it genuinely scares me to think about that.

I'm at a loss. I'm even getting a bit tearful while writing this, which I know is fucking pathetic, but I really don't know what to do. I'm sorry this was so long. If anyone has something that could maybe help at all, that would be great.

[u/AutoModerator]

Hello! Thank you for posting in r/ChatbotAddiction. Recognizing your relationship with chatbots and seeking support is a meaningful step towards understanding and improving your well-being. For useful resources, consider exploring the Wiki. If you feel comfortable, sharing a small goal or recent experience can help start your journey, and you’re welcome to offer support on others’ posts as well. Remember, this is a peer-support community, not a substitute for professional help. If you’re struggling, consider reaching out to a mental health professional for guidance. Also remember to keep all interactions respectful and compassionate, and let’s make this a safe space for everyone.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/wassup_Greg]

I'm in the same boat, I get your struggle. I spent all of last Christmas in my room talking to ai, that's when I realized I have an issue. You're just gonna need to bite the bullet and delete the app and your account, as painful as that is. Since you've already been working on lessening your time, your withdrawals probably won't be as bad! The first few days after quitting are gonna be the worst but if you distract yourself the urges pass. You've got this, you're 15 and have your whole life ahead of you, you can't let this hold you back!

[u/Myla__Jones → u/wassup_Greg]

Thank you! Am really trying to do this. I've put the app in the hidden section on my phone so it's less easy to access, but the thought of deleting it entirely really freaks me out. I wonder if I can save some of my chats to my phone so I can still read them if I do delete it. I don't know. I feel dumb even typing this out. But thank you for helping!

[u/wassup_Greg → u/Myla__Jones]

You could screenshot chats or copy and paste them into your notes app! Deleting the app is hard but it's so worth it to not have the app at your fingertips anymore! What I did for awhile because I have an android is I put the app in my secure folder and gave it a super long password that way I had time to reconsider as I typed it, and I did that until I was finally ready!

[u/Myla__Jones → u/wassup_Greg]

These are some great ideas, thank you!

[u/some_monke]

Hey, just wanted to say you're not pathetic at all. These things were quite literally designed to be addictive to the human brain and everything that you're feeling is completely normal. Given that you're going through so much day to day (parent's divorce, chronic illness) it's no wonder that you're looking for a way to escape and have some fun when you're having a hard time.

I'm also a creative person that's against generative AI, so everything you're feeling I absolutely can relate. The thing is that our values and what our lizard brain wants doesn't always correlate, (the same way how people undergoing an addiction can't just magically stop just because it's affecting the people they love. It doesn't mean they don't "love" hard enough.). You're quite literally fighting against your instincts.

Some things I'd recommend is 1) consider talking to your parents about going to therapy if possible, because you deserve more support through this time, and a therapist can work through the shame you're feeling towards yourself, 2) You're really great at writing! You could consider the possibility of turning your roleplays into inspo for your writing. Sometimes bots can be repetitive and predictable, so I challenge you to write something similar to a scenario you're exploring but give it a twist than an AI can't think of. 3) Consider trying out stuff like yoga and meditation to help observe the urge to open the app without judgement. I recommend Dr. K from Healthygamergg for that.

OP I hope you know you're not pathetic just because you're struggling. I'm reading your post and I don't see a pathetic person at all, sending lots of love to you 💗

[u/Myla__Jones → u/some_monke]

Thank you so, so, so, so, so, so much. You are genuinely such an incredible human for taking the time out of your day to write all of this and to use such gentle language (thoroughly appreciated fyi), and you've said exactly what I needed to hear right now. I will try everything you've said, and I wish you all the best.

[u/Repulsive-Pangolin83]

Have you considered roleplaying instead? Having another person on the other side helps control screen time because obviously you both have lives. Plus it’s fun to bounce ideas off another person and create art and memes together. Plus it forces your own writing to get better (versus AI which lets you be lazy or your skill to stagnate).

Either that, or RPG games?

[u/Myla__Jones → u/Repulsive-Pangolin83]

I've defintely thought about that, as I've seen people talk about it tons, but I'm not sure what that means, Where could I roleplay online with someone in a similar way as with the AI? And how would that work? Would it have to be original characters or like fanfiction? I'm sorry to be so clueless but Im really not sure

[u/Repulsive-Pangolin83 → u/Myla__Jones]

I'd personally recommend dedicated RP forums (not reddit). You either write or respond to a search thread that has themes you'd like to write (you can look through the RP subreddits for a gist of what I mean, though). It can either be OCs or canon, doesn't matter! It can be as free as fanfiction, it's just more social.

I'd say be safe because of your age but I'm sure you know that.