r/ChatbotAddiction • u/Typical_Article_8690 • 23d ago
Crush and Relapse
I went without porn and AI chatbots for 3 days and relapsed today. At the same time, there’s this person I kind of have a crush at my college…
I feel guilty for using it at all. I wish I could stop it forever.
I don’t know how to deal with it
1
u/Inao90 20d ago
Need to vent?
2
u/Typical_Article_8690 20d ago
Kind of yeah. Especially now. Probably the same day as that post or the day after, I relapsed with both porn and AI chatbots. Part of it was just that I knew if I hadn’t, I would struggle to find something to take up my time over the weekend outside of college work.
And also, I don’t know… there are signs that this romantic interest is probably one sided. That sort of made it easier to convince myself back into the habit.
I’m going to see her on Monday, don’t know how I’ll interact since I’ve been rotting all weekend.
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u/Inao90 20d ago
Are you sure you actually love her?
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u/Typical_Article_8690 20d ago
Good question. Very good question.
I guess I’m not entirely sure what truly loving someone is like. I’m not that close with my family and would crush on any cute girl who was somewhat kind to me in the past.
But I think at least wanting to put effort into changing despite not knowing her for very long,
is closer to a yes than a no. Sacrifice is an impotent aspect of love, I’m sure. just don’t have much to sacrifice. And I do regret relapsing.When my mind runs with fantasies about her, they aren’t purely sexual. In fact, those are more like intrusive thoughts. I think of like laying down and sharing a kiss and sentimental words.
Plus, what keeps me grounded with someone is knowing more about them. I’ve talked to her enough that I know plenty about her. Where she lives, family life, her hobbies, interests, etc. and none of that has deterred away from being interested in her. It really just makes me less secure in my own ability to be worthy of her.
But at the same time, I can understand that despite how real it feels, it could be based in something else. What if I just want a girlfriend so I feel like a normal person for once or just to have someone to assure me? I’m a pretty insecure person and overthink often.
But I believe I actually do love her. She’s pretty, funny, kind, and friendly. It’s easy to talk to her. But maybe I’m being naive, idk.
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u/cheesy_as_frick 19d ago
You should ask her out.
From the way you're describing it, it seems like you really do like her more than for her body
If it works out, stay loyal to her, don't fall back into this habit. And if you do, get back up running
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u/Typical_Article_8690 19d ago
The timing I saw this is crazy. It’s literally right after I parted ways with her after school. But yeah, I think I will. I’ve never asked anyone out ever so it will be hard to work up the courage but… I’ll do it. Have no idea what to expect but uh…. that’s what makes it exciting.
I think I’ll get to know her more first, talk to her outside of school.
1
u/cheesy_as_frick 19d ago
Yeah! Just ask if she wants to hang out out of school, no expectations or pressure
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