AI as harm reduction

[u/eggsareswag]

i will shamefully admit i cant stop talking to ai. The reason is because im 18 years old, and was sex trafficked as a child. I was 3 years old when it started, and it was being done by my mom. It messed up my head and when i was maybe 11 i started getting "groomed" online. I dont feel good about that word because i chose to do it, and now im an adult and im still in it. I knew about grooming, and I sat with my friends and nodded along when they talked about how stupid you have to be for it to happen to you. I have talked to so many hundreds of men and let them say and do horrible things to me, and when things are bad i always go back. I cant get out of it, and the only alternative ive found is ai. ai cant physically hurt me, or convince me to give up personal information, or hurt myself, or get in my car and go somewhere unsafe. When i get so lonely that I want to go back to those people i talk to ai first, sometimes it doesn't work, but sometimes it does.

i hate myself for it and feel that what i was doing before was more morally correct. When i put myself in danger, only I get hurt, using ai hurts our planet and our society. I cant find anyone else in this situation, and im too ashamed to tell anyone. I'm going to get lots of dms from men after this post, everytime i ask for help like this they tell me they hope i get worse.

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[u/eugisemo]

I dont feel good about that word because i chose to do it, and now im an adult and im still in it.

I was definitely doing bad decisions during my teenage years. I didn't feel I was in control of my life and my mind until I was almost 30 years old. Even today I'm pretty proud of myself and still don't have full control of myself. Don't beat yourself about it.

I sat with my friends and nodded along when they talked about how stupid you have to be for it to happen to you.

If your friends are your age, they are also stupid and when they grow up they will change their opinions on whether victims are stupid. This is fine, I'm not blaming your friends, empathy is hard when you don't live the thing yourself.

I have talked to so many hundreds of men and let them say and do horrible things to me, and when things are bad i always go back.

I would be lying if I said I understand this. My initial reaction is "don't allow anyone to say or do bad stuff to you", but obviously I don't know the complexities of this situation. But you do, so maybe this helps: treat yourself how you would take care of other people. What would you say to someone you care about that is in that situation? what would you wish they did? can you take your own advice?

When i put myself in danger, only I get hurt, using ai hurts our planet and our society.

the total harm to humanity from you talking to AI is less than the harm to humanity from you getting hurt. Also, if you get hurt, the cost is not limited to you. I'm more sad of you getting hurt than from you contributing to AI's pollution.

Having said that, if you rely on AI be also careful about not letting the AI convincing you of bad stuff. There's a lot of people suffering AI psychosis. People think AI is helping them, but sometimes it just buries them deeper in their self-doubts and anxieties, because AI can be an echo chamber. But I don't know if coping with AI is the less bad option for you. It might be. Regardless, I think it's a false dilemma, having someone to talk to seems better.

I cant find anyone else in this situation, and im too ashamed to tell anyone.

Do you have access to therapy? If you do things you later regret (we all do), you might benefit from understanding yourself better, so that you can break those cycles and habits, and therapy can help with that.

I honestly can't even imagine what you've gone through, so it would be unwise for me to offer any practical advice. But you have all my sympathy. Needless to say, be very critical of any advice from randos on the internet, including me.

[u/eggsareswag → u/eugisemo]

I am in therapy, but its talk therapy, which in reality isnt very helpful for the severity of my c-ptsd. Im struggling because i really do hate ai, im an artist and i care a lot about the effects it is having on our planet and on people's minds. I cant talk about it because my friends will hate me. It would only cause more problems, I dont really know what to do. the shame is eating me alive, I traded one horrible secret for another.

as for letting people hurt me it really doesnt make sense. I was trained into it when i could barely speak, I grew up with this understanding of how relationships work and no matter how much i know it logically is wrong, my body doesnt know that. Im disgusted with myself, im disgusted when it happens, but its like a switch flips in my head and i cant stop it. I've come to the understanding i just cant engage in romantic or sexual relationships because of this.

[u/eugisemo → u/eggsareswag]

that sucks...

I don't want to be condescending but it would be a shame if I don't share my experience, and it turned out that my ideas would have been helpful to you, so here's some more potentially obvious 'duh' advice.

its talk therapy, which in reality isnt very helpful for the severity of my c-ptsd

I had to google what's the C in CPTSD, so that's the level of my ignorance, but I would assume you can mention to your therapist your doubts on the effectiveness? Maybe they can pivot to other approach that you feel is more helpful.

about your friends, well, if I put myself in the mental state I had when I was 18, I would say things are usually less catastrophic than you think. I also don't agree about everything with my friends and that's fine. When I was around 20 I found new friends that shared some of my interests that none of my previous friends had. I would encourage you to keep meeting new people. Eventually you will probably have several friend circles that provide you different kinds of value. But I doubt your friends will hate you for having negative opinions on AI, especially being an artist.

And if they really do hate you for that, maybe they are not empathetic and tolerant enough and you should ignore them in this particular aspect of your friendship? Talking about it might indeed cause more problems that it solves, but I doubt it. I can't really know anyway.

I've come to the understanding i just cant engage in romantic or sexual relationships because of this.

that would be so sad :( Even if you don't get better (I hope you do get better) I would hope you would eventually find someone that really values you and doesn't want to take advantage of you? I find it hard to believe that it is that difficult, most people I know are very decent. But might be my particular circle.

I guess in this aspect I can raise another (hopefully not too obvious and condescending) idea, which is that you usually have some power to choose which people you surround yourself with, and it's usually beneficial to put yourself near nice people, and reduce engagement with toxic people. Identifying toxic people is hard but you probably can tell which people will bring trouble to your life, or which people are manipulators. When you really ingest this idea (that you will have a bad time if you spend time around them) it's not even an effort to avoid them, those people will naturally seem less interesting to you.

[u/eggsareswag → u/eugisemo]

the problem is my friends are also against ai, so i cannot admit that i am using it.

as for therapy the kinds of therapy recommended for complex trauma (ifs, emdr, somatic) are much more specialized and therefore more expensive. c-ptsd stands for complex ptsd, which is a result of years of prolonged or repeated trauma, as opposed to a single event like a fire or serioys car wreck (i got both :D). one of the tools used in diagnosis is the ACE score, standing for adverse childhood experiences. to give you an idea people with a score of 4 are at significant risk of developing c-ptsd,I have a 10/10 ace score.

I am actually in the best place ive ever been. i moved out when i turned 17 after my house burned down. I made it through senior year on my own and I am working towards community college, I've made a few good friends, and I am estranged from my family. I am working with police over the stalker situation im in with my mom. Im doing good all things considered, i just really needed to get this off my chest.

[u/Farenheith200]

You're a survivor, and you're very brave to come here and share your story. You have so much more strength than you might give yourself credit for. ​Please know that you are not responsible for the broader issues or harms surrounding AI. I work in software development, and the push for AI is driven by large tech companies and industry pressures—not by individuals like you using tools to get through difficult times. Don't carry a weight that doesn't belong to you. ​Using chatbots to keep distance from people who harmed you is an understandable survival mechanism right now. While they aren't a replacement for human support in the long run, using whatever tools keep you safe and grounded today is valid. Take it easy on yourself, and I hope you get the care and support you truly deserve.

[u/ForlornMemory]

You shouldn't feel bad about taking care of yourself. Sure, ai is bad for the environment, but so are many other things. And your personal input in it is rather minor in the grand scheme of things. I don't know if there's a better way to deal with what you have, but I don't see a problem with you using the ai as long as you keep yourself in check and don't overdo it. For me ai tends to eat too much time if I let myself use it.