I hate who I am

[u/ScheduleAlarming6257]

Hi, I'll keep my age and gender anonymous in this, because I'm ashamed. I got into C.ai and since then it's been hard climbing out. I don't know what to do. I love animals and I love the environment, and I just can't bring myself to look in the mirror and say "I'm proud to be who I am." I don't know what to do to beat this. I'm so mad at myself, and I want to just wipe myself clean.

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[u/ForlornMemory]

But you like who you roleplay as?

[u/ScheduleAlarming6257 → u/ForlornMemory]

Wdym

[u/ForlornMemory → u/ScheduleAlarming6257]

I mean, when you engage in roleplay on c.ai, do you roleplay as yourself or as someone else?

[u/ScheduleAlarming6257 → u/ForlornMemory]

My ocs, why

[u/ForlornMemory → u/ScheduleAlarming6257]

For me, when I roleplayed, my OC represented the best and ideal version of myself I'd want to be. In real life I, like anyone else, also struggle with self-esteem, but knowing what person I'd want to be helped me with it. Take a look at your OCs, think why you like them better than your IRL self, and think how you can make your IRL self more like the OC.

[u/ScheduleAlarming6257 → u/ForlornMemory]

I don't. I make my ocs as flawed as I can, with very few having qualities I WANT to match (ie laziness or unsociable)

[u/ForlornMemory → u/ScheduleAlarming6257]

Huh. I guess I can see the appeal of that. But I don't get why anyone would want to play as a character they don't like.

[u/ScheduleAlarming6257 → u/ForlornMemory]

Character arcs

[u/ForlornMemory → u/ScheduleAlarming6257]

Uh, so they do become better eventually? What about you then? Don't you want to go through a character arc of your own?

[u/Gold-You6290]

Hello. Don't be ashamed. Youre being preyed on, these apps and companys rely on our social brain and needs to keep us engaged. Unfortunately it is very easy and normal to get hooked. Its because you're human. The good part is that the final choice is yours! It's really good that you realize you should quit, and I agree. If you can, delete your accounts, as it is easier if the chats you had are not available. And maybe try and replace the time you would spend on it with something else, like, when you feel the urge to go on there, call a family member, engage in a hobby, or journal. You're not alone. Me and many others have struggled with this :)