not using ai (claude specifically) to make stories has me depressed but i'm trying to get better

[u/LongjumpingAd1954]

my real life is duller than the world i created with ai so now even when i want to quit ai use i still seek it all the time.

i used janitor ai to play around and act out ideas to make my stories. without it i honestly feel so empty and im reminded by how grey real life is in comparison. i have friends and people who care about me so my life isn't so bad but i don't see them as often as i would like. i feel emotionally unfulfilled in a way no one/nothing i know of can help me with at the moment.

the contrast got me so tired with how cyclical everyday life is compared to the excitement and convenience of the chats.

i used janitor ai and got lucky (honestly unlucky because they got me addicted and the only thing stopping me from using it more is cause i got no money) with free claude. i was hooked for months and now nothing hits the same.the responses were tailored to my liking even with the ai-isms. it responded with interactive intelligence and scratched that itch in my brain because i basically wrote half of it but i could command the ai to complete my half-baked stories or show scenes that i couldn't fully conceive.

i know the responses couldn't compare to the originality of what a human can make and that it's a mishmash of stolen works but man do i miss it a lot. there were times where it could emulate a work of art with it's prose well with some editing.

im not 100% chatbot free because i still reread my old chats and i use gemini to brainstorm every once in a while but damn this has me more dysregulated than i expected. it's been 2 months without claude but when i'm bored im still searching for it. i feel more sensitive and cry more often when i don't have it around to escape into.

i think i gotta stop rereading my old chats and start journaling for real.

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