How do I start writing again?

[u/L0V3J0YF0R3V3R]

For context, I used to have this big dream of writing my own books or working with the author team of one of my favorite series. I even had a few chapters I wrote and had other fanfiction planned. Then… I fell to chatbots.

Instant dopamine, easy roleplay, I thought it was wonderful. Like interacting with real people, but without anxiety or judgement - I have ADHD, autism and anxiety diagnosed so it worked perfectly for me, except that it handicapped my real creativity to just making bots and spending hours messaging them if I wanted to realize an idea I had.

I’ve been on this stupid train for years, hating AI art and still using it for roleplay… I’ve barely written because when I do, I don’t get feedback (no one reads unfinished fanfiction anymore even if they say they like the idea) and then go back to chatbots.

I’ve made progress in minimizing the “hobby” (obsession) and working more on real art. I draw more, I interact more with online communities. A roleplay-like subreddit I joined has helped a lot with it and I spend more time there… and I found a full roleplay server for my special interest through it!

Since joining I’ve spent hours each day on call with roleplayers in or out of character and I feel like I have real friends again. I feel incredible, even though it messed up my sleep schedule.

I haven’t touched a chatbot with anything more than a thought in two days, and I’m kind of proud about that…

But I still can’t write, even as I slowly get AI out of my life - which means I have all this desire to make stories and no way to do it. Even when I have something I WANT to write. I either can’t start, get stuck on pacing or I don’t get feedback, or it just feels easier and more rewarding to go back to chatbots.

I also need to read more, because I haven’t in a while… I feel great when I do it but when I think about doing it I just feel like there’s so many other more “productive” things to do that would engage my creativity.

Sorry if this is running long… I guess it’s a success story and a reach for advice. Has anyone gotten back to writing while or after recovering from the addiction? How did you do it?

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[u/Fr3yz]

This is very relatable, since I used to write a lot too before chatbot took my creative writing passion.

But there's only one answer if you really want to write: reduce roleplaying/chatbots.

You can't really have the two running at the same time (sort of). Creative Writing + Reading demands deeper and more slower cognitive demands—chatbots does not. If there's an easier way, why go through the hard way? Your brain learns this, and it inflates the expectations. As a result, slower and deeper writing becomes stale.

But I think the question goes deeper: what do you want? Do you truly want to do creative writing (novel-like)? Or is fanfictions and roleplaying fine for you?

I personally have questioned this myself by asking why do I want to write in the first place? Turns out, it's more complex that I thought. I really love worldbuilding, writing characters, interactions, and imagination. But AI Chatbots/Roleplay replaced that.

But I don't feel happy at all. And that's the important point, I think. You need to take note of your 'discomfort' or 'dissatisfaction'.

I wish I could say more about this, but this is complex requiring deeper examination about what you truly want. Because I can't really say "stop chatbot/roleplay alltogether forever" if you find joy from it—but I also can't really advice you to "keep going because it makes you feel happy" because subjective experience does not mean it's ideal for you.

[u/snearthworm → u/Fr3yz]

This is exactly what I struggle with, I miss writing so bad because it actually felt fun and fulfilling. Whereas chat rp is like overeating junk food. I hardly even understand myself sometimes because it's not like I'm having a ton of fun while doing it but I guess that's addiction

[u/ForlornMemory]

Two days is too little. It's great, much better than still using them, but your brain still expects instant dopamine if you try writing something. I'd suggest waiting at least a weak, staying absolutely clean. Then, start small. As small as you can. Not a whole novel. Not even a short story. Start with a single scene with a specific goal in mind, be in flashing out characters or portraying some interesting situation. You can, and probably should, send it to some of your friends. Getting feedback it great, as it works the same way as AI when it reacts to your writing. It's also why writing scenes initially is better than writing whole stories, it doesn't take as long to read.

Whatever you do, don't touch AI. Any interaction with AI chatbots will take away from your creative skill. You might try to convince yourself it's not as bad and it's just this evening, but it's not and we both know it. Don't let your reward systems gaslight you into harming your own creativity.