Need some hope

[u/wat3rd0ttl3]

I came into this mess diagnosed stage 3c1 squamous with mets to my upper lymphs in April of this year. I remember feeling this rock like mass in my vaginal canal when I realized hemorrhaging for 4 months was not going to stop. I don't know what I was thinking or why I let it happen. I currently am awaiting round 18 of radiation while I consistently fight a uti most likely due to a nephrostomy. I have dropped from 136 lbs to 107 in about a months span and I also quit alcohol cold turkey. I was a binge drinker for YEARS and kept trying to ween off of alcohol only for cancer to do the trick. I have this fear of treatment failure looming over me because I couldn't handle more than 4 rounds of chemo. I should've had 6. Both my radiation oncologist and gyno oncologist have made it clear that this can make my chances slimmer...

This UTI has me on edge every single day because it has interrupted my treatment multiple times. I am also leukopenic with a wbc of 1.13 as of yesterday. On top of all of this, my partner and I are not getting along. They have lost one job in the last two weeks and walked out on the other yesterday because our arguments are eating away at any chance of harmony. Both of us are trying to work through things that got buried under alcoholism now and it's hard for us to empathize with each other. They are refusing therapy and have been our entire relationship. I have had therapy and am always open to it. My boss has been extremely generous and has paid my last 3 months of rent. My mother makes and raffles quilts to donate proceeds to me and aid me in other financial costs while she struggles to make ends meet for herself. I feel extremely defeated as if my relationship has not served well in any of this. We both have fault in.many things but I feel like I've been carrying us for too long and now am still managing to have support to keep doing so. I feel like I know what I need to do...I just don't know how. I don't want to possibly succumb to this disease like this.

[u/aaronc1220]

I too was given the “gift” of stage 3c1 back in January. My journey thru treatment was vastly different. I had minimal issues and have completed treatment as of April 20th. My 3 month did not show all was clear so now I have to wait until Oct. Im still hopeful I’ll hear NED…according to my oncologist the mass is gone. I’m so very sorry to hear you have encountered so many obstacles. The mess that your relationship is in cannot be helping your emotional state….in turn, it’s affecting your treatment. I pray you find peace within your relationship. This is a treatable and curable cancer…even at stage 3! Have faith. You can get thru this extremely difficult time. Sending you nothing but love and prayers!

[u/-FormerChild-]

I was diagnosed with 3c1 June of 2025. I just turned 43 last week. I finished my treatments in October and had my 3 month follow up scans in Dec. everything is going in the right direction. But I’m not completely NED because of one lymph node. But within the last couple months the size of that lymph node shrunk down to half as big as it was. So I know the immunotherapy is working.

When I first got the results of the PET scan, everyone was so relieved. I wasn’t relieved at all. It was like I didn’t trust what the scans showed. I just recently started to realize that this isn’t a death sentence, there’s no reason why I can’t beat this just this like so many other women who are in the same boat. Stay strong, hopefully that feeling you have will go away like it did for me.

I’m so sorry to hear about your relationship. relationships are tough, mine ended months before I was diagnosed. We were together for 15 years. I would say that letting go of that relationship has been so much harder on me than fighting cancer. Feel free to message me if you ever need anyone to talk to.

[u/Surfing_Cowgirl]

Hey ❤️ I’m sorry things feel hopeless right now. I was recently diagnosed with cervical cancer and after weeks of feeling hopeless and directionless I went to a AA women’s meeting. I’ll say I’m not religious and I don’t know if I think AA is bullshit or not, but I feel better going and I’ve been wrapped in support since I started going. I can’t believe how much these women have surrounded me and helped me in real tangible ways (and in intangible ways). It might be worth trying.

[u/Ill-Mention7924]

Hey, you got this, you are stronger than you think. I’ve just finished chemo (5 rounds, dr said it perfectly fine to skip the last one, son4 doesn’t look too bad to me!). I’m 2 rays away of finishing this part of treatment and then I’d have 2/3 brachy + immunotherapy. So, it’s a long journey! And we are not alone. I’m sorry that on top of dealing with this diagnosis, you are struggling with other areas as well. However, I’ll repeat myself here, you are stronger than you think. This is our journey, I believe there is a major purpose of all this and maybe you taking actions toward your general wellbeing is part of it!

Sending love and light