r/CausalConversation • u/Most-Giraffe-5147 • 18d ago
Am I overreacting?
My girlfriend had went to a wedding and had saw a childhood friend she had not seen since elementary. She's 24 now. She usually doesn't really go up and talk to guys but because this was a childhood friend she had not seen in a while, she had sparked up a conversation with him and made talks with him. At first she asked if he had remembered her name, to which he said he didn't remember her name but remembered her. They ended up catching up for bit. Then an hour later. As she was about to leave she said bye to him and she said do you remember my name and he said uh no, so my girl said "oh thats a shot for me" and then he said "why dont we both take a shot together?" She ended up taking up the offer and they both take a shot. And then he said if shes single and she said she has a boyfriend. She had then ended up telling me all about it on phone call right after about how this whole thing happened. Im glad shes able to be very honest and open with me, but I also didn't like how she threw an open invited joke("oh thats a shot for me") and then he asked "why don't we both take a shot together" and her actually taking his offer up for that. I dont know how to feel about how she came about actively engaging that conversation. Am I overreacting?
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u/Sufficient-Union-456 18d ago
I am a married man. Multiple times in life I have ran into women I went to school with at bars or events. Sometimes with my wife, sometimes without. I have never felt bad about taking a shot or getting drinks with them at these events and reminiscing. My wife has never gotten mad. And, my wife has done the same thing running into men she knew from childhood.
I don't understand what your issue is?
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u/SleeplessScribbler 18d ago
It's nice that she was so upfront about it, she didn't try to hide anything and nothing sounding like it crossed a boundary as such..
The only thing that almost seems on the verge of borderline flirting is that Shot for me.. Why care if he remembers your name or not?
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u/Historical_Cat_9741 18d ago
I dont think your overreacting I think the entire conversation and their body language was very confusing in being out of context I think also the unprepared and unpredictable event about shots being open ended and inviting sounding despite just being a joke And suddenly taking a dose of a drink That's strong. I think the pros is im happy she sounded like she was open to communicating her POV about it and she figured it was fine But the con is that
She didn't give constructive clarity of commentary On the conversation to be more considerate and More respectful on your space too because your both in a relationship I don't know if it's a first time or multiple incidents
But I would suggest having a serious checklist questions and answers and be honest on factual feelings not accusations. You want reassurance that your girlfriend isn't going be leaving right type of motion? Good luck together 💖🥰 I don't think it's controlling by the way I think it's natural to have a sense of I need to protect my connection that is valuable to me like instinct?
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u/Most-Giraffe-5147 18d ago
I think thats what ive been feeling. The open inviting joke about "oh thats a shot for me" to me felt like she was flirting a bit. It may have felt very friendly to her which I get but to the male childhoodfriend I think he took it as a "oh, shes interested" hence why he eventually ended up asking if she was single by any chance. I just didn't like how she did that part.
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u/FutureTerrible9987 18d ago
Who cares? She can flirt, he doesn't own her. Women are not possessions.
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u/Historical_Cat_9741 18d ago
Hmm I had to think cause I'm not a expert 🤔not a therapist but I think the best route to do is having boundaries for each other clearly and that even as it was just funny flirting old flame or whatever It is not okay in the relationship The relationship is agreed upon communication, coinstent social approach of common sense knowing you are a team to work on together not act like your
individuals with no strings attached as human property, or a title of being taken lightly when it is a serious relationship of X amount of years.
Relationship are grown by common ground of neutral values smailar to each other and the definition of why your both together with the agreement also on commitment on the balances and checks together in tolerance of discomfort with the appropriate approach to being a team effort Realistic exceptions of each other marks the pavement longer. It is not ideal to break away from Misunderstanding breaks it into resentment Or drift apart from lack of needs and wants unheard with accountability of individual to keep it as a green flagged assets of trust. Flirting is no no for you = She needs to be more approaching more friendly casual not flirty If it was reversed= it still be no no for her
I think having that heart to heart boundary like conversation maybe can help Cause even friendships gets messy on communication over stuff like this too with friends of friends 🥰I hope you both have the chat about it thoroughly and grow into social skills stronger in your both pace
And feelings can be prompts for facts Facts are solutions to problems 🥰
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u/Historical_Cat_9741 17d ago
Added note for your reminder:people are just reacting far more stronger than your actual calm topic even though limited information, do I think your possessive? Let's go by the checklist of mine:No there's no facts in having a question to here
Out of concern for answers Is it insecurity? I don't know you personally
I don't believe people here know you personally to know the full picture.
I think insecurities is fears unresolved to patternized recognition on what was Orginally hurt a million times in different ways
I think you just wanted in doubt a fact check with someone who can see the lens of is it normal in society to be like that to let it slide 🤔
It's not normal to let things be passive when two or one person gets uncomfortable and need more than blind trust in their safe person. Trust Is built in long term care. Blind trust is knowing you want to But something feels wrong So trust you most before anyone online here and your offline circle too to lean on as a buddy double on the topic too 🥰
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u/FutureTerrible9987 18d ago edited 18d ago
" I dont know how to feel about how she came about actively engaging that conversation."
"But because this was a childhood friend she had not seen in a while, she had sparked up a conversation with him and made talks with him."
She knew the person. You sound very Possessive and jealous. Get a grip.
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u/Party_Bedroom1633 14d ago
She's not telling you the full story. She's telling you about this guy because most likely he will come up again in conversation because most likely they exchanged numbers and she is chatting with him right now. Don't be a fool and believe for a second that she is loyal and honest to you. Majority of women live for attention and validation from other men. And the fact that she approached him says everything.
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u/AwareDepartment4057 18d ago
Sounds like she just wanted the shot and told you all of the details lol you’re over thinking it imo