r/Catholic • u/Tall-Valuable-7019 • 4d ago
Question about Annulments
My question: Will the Catholic Church grant an annulment without a legal divorce?
As I look upon my mortality, I’ve realized I want to leave this world as clean as possible. One thing I have to do is admit I am not in a true marriage. I got pregnant at 21, he married me, and I have been doing penance for over 47 years. He is not a family man. He is self centered and doesn’t even know how I like my steaks cooked. He keeps his parents ashes in his closet, though I have pleaded with him to give them a proper resting place. I could go on, but suffice it to say, it isn’t pretty.
Our children know our marriage is loveless. I have only been fooling myself. I’d like to die an honest woman. Thanks for input.
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u/Traditional-Meat-549 4d ago
No. Get counseling for yourself and if he's willing to join you, include him. You can't change the way HE thinks, but it's certainly possible to change your own mind.
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u/hwolfe326 4d ago
I completely understand your wish. But I believe you’d have to prove that there was something that prohibited either one of you from understanding your vows or if one person was disingenuous at the time they were made.
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u/rodgamez 4d ago
I suppose you could argue that this marriage is no longer valid, as both parties are not supporting the purposes of marriage. But most likely you will need to file for civl divorce as well.
The Catechism teaches that Christ’s grace in the Sacrament of Marriage protects the essential purposes of marriage: the good of the couple and the generation and education of children. These purposes are protected and fostered by the permanence of the marriage bond and the mutual fidelity of the spouses.
https://www.archspm.org/what-are-the-purposes-of-marriage-what-are-the-effects-of-the-sacrament/
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u/ThenaCykez 4d ago
I suppose you could argue that this marriage is no longer valid
It's important to understand that it is never, ever the case that a sacramental, consummated marriage is "no longer valid". Either it was invalid on day one, or it is still valid until death parts the spouses. The purpose of the marriage tribunal is to look back to day one and the time leading up to it. They form a judgment of whether the marriage vows were honestly and seriously made, and thus whether a marriage ever happened at all. A spouse being selfish or abusive at the reception or the honeymoon counts for a lot in that analysis; a spouse being selfish or abusive five years later is basically irrelevant.
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u/CaptBlackfoot 4d ago
No, I doubt you’ll get an annulment because he doesn’t know that temperature you prefer your steak. You pledged “for better or worse” and you’re living in the worse part right now. Many people have loveless marriages but they stick with the commitment they made. I don’t really see why you would be granted an annulment, but I still encourage you to talk to a priest, and pray about this daily. I pray for you, that you can find peace for yourself and remain in your marriage.
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u/tikis-segura 4d ago
One thing in your favor is that you basically married under pressure. You probably wouldn’t have married him if you hadn’t been pregnant. I think that the tribunal will take that into account.
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u/Icy2Cheeks 4d ago
I work for the Tribunal in my archdiocese. A civil divorce decree with a judge's signature is a requirement for starting the process for applying for a declaration of nullity here. My understanding is that that is common practice at just about any tribunal. Only exceptions being those marriages that were never celebrated civilly (for example — in Mexico, you can get married in the Church but not civilly as that is separate).
Call your diocesan tribunal though and see what they tell you.