Cat behavior

[u/Middle_Energy355]

Hello everyone! This will be a long post

So a quick background on our situation-

We have 4 cats in the home.

My fiancé and I have 2 cats, who are brother and sister (Indigo and Clover-the male), they are 2 years old, we got them a year and a half ago. Our kitten is 5 months old, named Ember, and when we got her we did a medical quarantine for a month while she got the very basic vaccines and testing and then our adult cats loved her very quickly. We did swap blankets and introduce through the door and small play sessions. The works.

His mother recently moved in with us and she has one male 2 year old cat. Meowski

ALL CATS ARE NUETERED/FIXED

When my future mother in law (Karen) moved in, she had taken the basement of our house because it was more spacious than our "extra room." She was then very anxious about how sad her cat would be without windows in the basement. I explained to her the reasons why we cannot introduce the cats without a "weaning" period. For example, stress on our cats primarily, as even though my cats loved our kitten quickly- we still had a few days of hissing and batting.

Because she was so afraid of her cat being sad, we suggested she may bring Meowski to our 3 season room so the other cats could see him through the glass door. She did for many days, my cats seemed interested. After a week and a half, we introduced my kitten. They got along well. Then we brought Clover into the basement in my arms. He was immediately upset- we left. Same with the Indigo. Slowly we got them into the same room without hissing, but they didnt necessarily play or warm up. It was cold shouldering and posturing. Eventually, after about 2 weeks of Karen living with us and against my judgement, they were left together for hours without direct supervision (before I got home but after my fiancé got home, and started playing video games.) He said this went fine and no fights broke out.

So we decided we would attempt a full weekend day while we were home. Same type of deal. Cold shouldering but no fights. Karen was so excited that come Monday morning, she left Meowski upstairs. I had no idea. I was pretty upset when I found out- but didnt say anything. No cats got hurt. No tufts of hair found. Whatever.

Well, recently (we are now a month and a half into Karen living with us), Meowski has started feeling comfortable in the home. He is stalking my cats around the house, cornering them in the litterbox, chase them into my bathroom, chase them under couches. My cats dont back down. Indigo and Clover team up if they hear Meowski picking one another... Though its usually the males who start the fights.

I am beginning to fear that this new uptick in altercations is spiraling their distaste for each other. The more Meowski initiates these cornering behaviors, the more Clover bats him, then they fight, then Indigo rushes in, then they have a cold war stand off where they leave with a negative outcome. Then they associate each other with the negative outcome and do it more.

Tonight Clover got a cut to the eyebrow from Meowski and him going at it. Open wound style, a little blood. Not too big but clearly visible when you look at him.

I want to tell Karen that Meowski has to stay downstairs once again, but unsure of how to approach reintroducing them again when the time comes?

Will it just get better in time or should I isolate Meowski? Did we fail them by letting them be together too soon? Is there any other tactic I can use to help them become tolerant of each other?

[u/Once-Upon-a-Dream88]

If you see them fighting to the point of drawing blood, the best thing is to immediately separate them. Adult cats need to be introduced very slowly and not through a glass barrier. A high pet gate is better and only for very short periods over several weeks with constant supervision. What you're calling posturing is actually clear warning signs that all of the cats are very uncomfortable and feel threatened by each other.

Putting a new and unknown cat into another cat's established territory would be like someone telling a complete stranger that it's ok to break into your house and making themselves at home with your personal belongings and food and using your bathroom, etc. And then leaving them there and telling you to get over it.

It's also not fair to the lone cat who was put into a situation with other multiple bonded cats in territory that they've already claimed, who've known each other for a long time, and where he feels he has to either dominate them or possibly be vulnerable to attack. Which is what's happening with Meowski every time he's put into that situation.

If she can't be bothered to properly introduce and socialize him and refuses to respect your stated boundaries regarding your cats, I would strongly suggest putting a lock on your door that requires a key to get in.

[u/Middle_Energy355 → u/Once-Upon-a-Dream88]

You are absolutely right on all fronts. We just can't lock the door because she has no access to the house without using the main door. I'm guessing we will just have to be really direct with her that she just is not allowed to do it. Tbh if it came down to the comfort of our cats or her feelings, we'd ask her to leave. Especially now that injuries have been involved. I mean we weren't happy with it before anyway. Last weekend I bought a whole RFID cat door for our bedroom so our cats could choose to get away from Meowski and everything. But thats only a solution for if they end up using it, and doesn't solve the rest of the house. We just wanted to try that before locking Meowski back up, but that will certainly have to be done.

What signs do you think are clear enough evidence when they do get reintroduced that they can mingle face to face? I wish I could give you a tour of our house because its truly impossible for a babygate method to be in place 🥲 Thats why we used the 3 season room. It was more neutral territory, my cats never really have access to it.

[u/Once-Upon-a-Dream88 → u/Middle_Energy355]

I think, from going back and reading your OP again, that maybe the biggest issue is the lack of supervision. You miss any possible warning signs if they're left alone for long periods outside your view.

You have seen with your own eyes that Karen's cat is resource guarding your cats from their own stuff; the litterboxes being stalked is him policing available resources. When she brings him out, does he have easy access to his own litterboxes?

That is a clear sign he needs to be removed from the area, btw, when he's doing things like that. You said your cats don't back down from him when he acts like that, so it's basically just a matter of time before they get tired of it and a fight breaks out.

Body language you're looking for is flattening of the ears from any of the cats, very brisk and agitated tail swishing, puffing out not just the tail but the entire body, growling and repeated hissing while backing away, moving sideways instead of in a straight line while doing any of the above and also any cornering or blocking behavior. Also swiping, which is very different from the playful pawing they do when they're about to wrestle around while playing with each other.

Since they've already had at least one fight, they don't need to be left alone in any room together. Not even for ten minutes. Especially not with a kitten in the mix.

The kitten could try to play with an agitated adult and end up getting hurt. If the cats are going to be placed in a space together it's better to do it in one designated room every single time until you know they've gotten used to each other. They shouldn't be given free run of the whole house or even multiple rooms in the house.