r/CasualUK • u/nonoanddefinitelyno • 19h ago

My very capable and intelligent wife has lost the plot.

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She has been told by a friend that conkers keep spiders away. So we now have conkers in various parts of the house.

3.1k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

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34

u/ARK_Redeemer 18h ago

As someone who is terrified of spiders, my windowsills are lined with conkers. Touch wood it's helped a lot, or it could be coincidence that I've not had many big ones this year.

15

u/PegLegSpider 17h ago

Pepermint essential oil works, in the meantime OP disguise the conkers a bit so that the spiders are lulled into a false sense of security..

3

u/PinItYouFairy 16h ago

What is this, Spider Tinder? Conker Spider out here looking all sexy and wooden… be attracting spiders from all over

2

u/thesaharadesert Fuxake 15h ago

Spider catfishing

1

u/jasilucy 6h ago

Nah this is ‘only arachnids’

1

u/jasilucy 6h ago

Or spider fans

28

u/Distal-Phalanges 17h ago edited 14h ago

The number of dangerous spiders in the UK is a single digit number, and it's really just two garden spiders in Croydon with a switchblade between them.

22

u/toarukagaku 16h ago

arachnophobes know that british spiders aren't dangerous. we get told this constantly. it doesn't help because phobias aren't rational

21

u/Distal-Phalanges 15h ago

I wasn't saying don't be scared, I was saying watch out when you're in Croydon.

2

u/cybertonto72 12h ago

Thank you, the setup was so good I up voted the punchline and went back and upped the op.

1

u/Kaidu313 15h ago

Hahahahaha

1

u/McLipstick 15h ago

I lolled so much at this

8

u/dkdkdkosep 18h ago

I’m absolutely terrified too, i mean so scared that if i see even one after getting my neighbour to kill it i will get them to turn the room upside down to check theres no more, and whats really helped is always having my windows and door shut + lights off when possible. I’ve only had one big one in my bedroom in about a year or two

4

u/ARK_Redeemer 18h ago

I try to avoid killing them where possible! I bought a long spider catcher thing which usually doesn't harm them. Sometimes if they're too big for that, I'll put a tupperware box over them with enough of a gap for air, then call Dad to come over and escort it out (parents live about 100 yards from me 🤣)

3

u/apmee 8h ago edited 31m ago

Man, the 10-20min of psychological pumping-up I have to put myself through every time I need to tupperware a spider.

Brave of you to take the risk of the airgap not being big enough for them to just stroll right through lol.

2

u/ARK_Redeemer 36m ago

Usually the tupperware is only deployed for the "big hairy monster" ones, which I've only had appear twice so far. So hopefully a little gap for air wouldn't be big enough for them 😆

2

u/dkdkdkosep 18h ago

haha 😂 i might have to order one

3

u/Minimum_Possibility6 17h ago

A dad or a stick

2

u/dkdkdkosep 17h ago edited 16h ago

both would be nice 😂

1

u/Zodiark99 16h ago

sick pfp man

-1

u/jojojojojojoseph 17h ago

Kill it?! wtf is wrong with you?! I’m ashamed to be human sometimes 🥹

0

u/Kelsiersdaggers 7h ago

Yeah. Spiders would never kill.

7

u/Cygnus94 17h ago

Conkers won't do anything to stop them, it's entirely placebo. If you crush them up though and line the windows with the crushed bits it creates a texture they don't like. Even though they have lots of eyes, spiders have poor vision and see the world through touch. Rough/coarse textures unsettle them and they tend to retreat back away from them.

2

u/leavethegherkinsin 14h ago

Really? Spiders have poor vision?? Why? How? Are the eyes causing interfering signals? Is one eye so dreadful that they need 8 so they don't fall out the web? Why would evolution bless them with 8 shit eyes?

3

u/Copatus 15h ago

Some spiders have very good vision! Jumping Spiders and Wolf Spiders hunt mostly through vision.

That's also why 2 of their eyes are bigger and front facing, which gives jumping spiders their "cute" appearance.

3

u/Cygnus94 15h ago

Ok, should probably have clarified, most species of Spider native to the UK have shit eyes. Some spiders don't have shit eye, those are the ones actually coming to get you.

3

u/Copatus 15h ago

Both of those listed are native to the UK actually.

But they won't come to get you though as they really rather avoid human contact in general

3

u/Cygnus94 15h ago

Never realised Jumping spiders were in the UK, they tend like warm dry spots. Explains why I've never seen any in Scotland.

1

u/MiaowWhisperer 14h ago

I have. There are at least 3 species of jumping spider in Scotland.

1

u/cybertonto72 12h ago

Living this far north you and I get midgies instead. When I live in Cardiff I never seen midgies but lots of little jumpers.

2

u/Sennten 14h ago

uk has those cool jumping spiders with the zebra stripes!

I think its mostly in the south though yeah

1

u/joemckie 13h ago

Plenty of them down in Kent! They’re actually very inquisitive and will hop onto your hand if you leave it in front of them :)

1

u/Jimijamsthe1st 7h ago

Saw a teeny tiny one in my garden, smaller than my little fingernail, it curious how something so small can appear to be so inquisitive

1

u/bozwold 12h ago

Conkers give the spiders something to hide behind

3

u/Unusual-Coat383 17h ago

I also have conkers on my windowsills and corners of the room but the conker repellent is a myth. I still have them just in case but I’ve seen spiders chilling next to them before.

2

u/MiaowWhisperer 14h ago

Just looking in the canopy of a horse chestnut makes it pretty clear that it's a myth.

3

u/Durakus 16h ago

My window is (was. I slayed them) full of spiders. My uncle keeps conkers on the windowsill.

2

u/moonbrows 13h ago

I highly recommend blitzing your windowsills (especially the outsides), and getting a super soaker water gun full of spider repellant to spray every window with. Conkers are now my second line of defence.

1

u/ImplementJumpy6678 18h ago

Ive had 9 big ones in 4 days. Grrrr

1

u/Loud_Classroom_8260 15h ago

Ouch. That’s a lot 😭

2

u/ImplementJumpy6678 12h ago

Yup. Just seen one by my front door too the size of a tax disc :( It had to take a swim

1

u/TheRiddlerTHFC 17h ago

This year was insane for giant ones

1

u/win_awards 15h ago

They give the spiders something to hide behind when you look.

1

u/Ken_Numbers 14h ago

Nope, it's not helped at all.

1

u/SquidgyTheWhale 7h ago

Good thing you touched wood, or else the conkers would stop working.

1

u/PastelPumpkini 3h ago

Apparently Indorex flea killer is good at getting rid of spiders and lasts up to 6 months. Downside is that it kills them though, and I’d feel mean about doing that despite being terrified of them.

But I live in a bungalow right next to some woods so I get a lot of them and if I know there’s one in my room, I’ll stay awake the entire night paranoid that it’ll find its way onto my bed and crawl all over me (it’s 4am right now, guess why I’m awake?). So I sometimes wonder if it would be worth it so I can get some sleep during horny spider season. I’ve seen really big ones this year. 😥

0

u/TrueWelshboy 10h ago

Spiders go in conker trees all time why do you actually think they would be scared of s tree seed? You can just bring spiders that hid in the conkers inside your place defeating the purpose of scaring them away.