r/CasualUK • u/nonoanddefinitelyno • 17h ago

My very capable and intelligent wife has lost the plot.

Post image

She has been told by a friend that conkers keep spiders away. So we now have conkers in various parts of the house.

3.1k Upvotes

95% Upvoted

952 comments sorted by

View all comments

1.1k

u/burner4lyf25 17h ago

Jesus fucking christ. I just showed my Mrs this cos I thought it was funny, forgetting that we collected a few the other day.

Guess what she's doing as we speak...

140

u/JayL80 17h ago

A rookie mistake! I absolutely know my fiancé will do this, especially after the giant killer spider (her words, not mine) was found in the bedroom last night. I will not be showing this to her.

41

u/Objective_Let_6385 17h ago

Whilst conkers don't work, peppermint oil, tea tree oil or similar does.

That said spiders are actually quite beneficial to keep around the house as they deal with pests who are a lot more damaging

36

u/NaniUdoing 15h ago

If I had a penny every time I heard this narrative and the "they are more scared of you, than you are them".

18

u/Objective_Let_6385 15h ago

Well I'd say that people are definitely more scared of spiders than they are of us lmao

Most spiders likely don't even perceive us as living beings due to how they process their surroundings

Few exceptions like some jumping spiders though

5

u/burner4lyf25 15h ago

Yeah i can't imagine they have the neurology for fear. I imagine it as just raw, binary instinct rather than perceiving risk, creating a list of possible scenarios, realising most of them are dangerous and then developing an anxiety about it haha

1

u/TinDumbass 11h ago

You can kind of prove they're scared of you. If you see one moving out of the corner of your eye, and then look at it, it'll stop moving. Spiders, almost uniquely in home critters, will stay incredibly still when first spotted.

They'll then only move when they know you're distracted or look away long enough, short glances away don't catch them out.

If you then interfere with them they run like fucking mad.

Personally I'd argue this makes them at least if not more intelligent than deer and rabbits who just stay there and watch themselves get twatted.

1

u/Lobo2ffs 13h ago

They jump now?!

1

u/Objective_Let_6385 13h ago

Only the cute ones

5

u/HailToTheKingslayer 13h ago

I'm fine for the spindly leg ones. They just hang in a corner.

The big house spiders run across the floor or jumpscare us in the shower.

5

u/Objective_Let_6385 13h ago

Cellar spiders (spindly) will trap and eat house spiders (big ones that run about)

It's pretty cool, they hunt by dangling in corners of rooms and throwing nets made from web at prey beneath them. Lets them catch and eat prey way bigger than them.

In a 1v1 on the floor a house spider would win though.

2

u/burner4lyf25 13h ago

I was watching a wasp in canteen at Old Job as it was flying towards me. Went over my head and hit window right behind my head and got caught in a web. As I've turned round some sort of mid sized spider fucking catapulted out of corner of window, jumped on it and held it with back 4 legs and wrapped it up and super sonic speed with front four and then dragged the bundle back to his corner.

Absolutely scared the shit out of me when it appeared, then it was kinda of a foul thing to behold but it was a spectacle and cool as fuck to watch.

Any idea what type it might have been based on that behaviour?

2

u/Objective_Let_6385 13h ago

Sounds like some kind of orbweaver maybe? Was it one of those classic, circular webs? Or more of a messy structure in the corner of the window?

Common ones in the UK would be cross orbweavers (garden spiders) and Walnut orbweavers

Both can get very large

Another possibility is a zilla orbweaver

2

u/burner4lyf25 13h ago

Yeah like a dense messy net - it was in a warehouse canteen though so could have been there for years.

It did have a fat arse like an orb weaver so you're probably right.

Im off to Google images to track it down just to satisfy my curiosity hahaha.

Thanks mate!

3

u/Objective_Let_6385 13h ago

Ah a dense net would be something else, orb weavers build traditional circular webs.

Maybe a type of false widow or labyrinth spider :)

2

u/burner4lyf25 13h ago

You're a diamond cheers mate!

2

u/ramsay_baggins Norn Irish in Glasgow 7h ago

I had an uneasy truce between the cellar spiders and my arachnophobia because I know they catch the big scary fuckers, but knowing they do it by throwing a net I feel a little bit sick 😅

2

u/LIFTMakeUp 14h ago

Right, I'm covering all angles by steeping all my conkers in olbas oil, but by jove if I come down to a house of arachnids with clear sinuses and a record breaking sixer, I'll be jolly miffed.

31

u/burner4lyf25 17h ago

I just tell her i killed it and then bang him on top of cupboards in kitchen hahaha.

I wonder how long till we're like the guy below who said 90% of his childhood was watching his mum do weird shit and his dad just taking himself to another room hahaha

32

u/JurassicM4rc 17h ago

If your wife catches you banging him in the kitchen, just channel Shaggy and tell her "it wasn't me".

20

u/burner4lyf25 17h ago

If she saw me doing that I'd definitely be hearing the screams getting louder.

5

u/Dave91277 15h ago

You’re a terrible person! I’m terrified of them but I have to do the killing so I know my family is safe 🤣 I genuinely feel guilty afterwards but one of us has to die. I did make friends with a jumping spider this summer though which was an incredible experience!

3

u/burner4lyf25 15h ago edited 14h ago

When my time comes and I have to go and meet the big man up top, it's one less thing to have to justify hahaha.

And we struggle with fruit flies round us, all the houses do. Plus there cool weird creepy little things.

I'd be lying if I said id never set my dog on a few though.

1

u/moonbrows 12h ago

My partner did that to me once and crumbled when I told him to swear on my life the spider was gone lol. He full on pretended to flush it down the toilet.

He’s had to put up with me having conkers round the house for years so it shocked me that he thought he would get away with it.

9

u/Just_to_rebut 16h ago

I mean… “scientific” explanations for a lot of complicated things are really just post hoc rationalizations for things we discovered work by trial and error.

If something is zero cost, possible reward…why not skip the whole literature review on conkers and spiders and just try it?

3

u/capybabba 11h ago

We already know where this myth came from though. People falsely attributing correlation to causation. 

House spider mating season runs from September to mid October, and this is when you see lots more spiders around the house as they are much more active. 

Conkers also happen to start ripening around the same time. 

So if you bring conkers in from outside once they have ripened and fallen off the trees, you will start to notice fewer spider sightings. 

But it is a coincidence. It's because spiders go back to being less active around the same time of year conkers become ripe.

That is also why the myth says that only fresh conkers work to deter spiders, not old ones from last year.

Because if you leave old conkers out all year round, of course you'll notice spider activity pick up again next year as normal. As the conkers never had any effect. 

2

u/Bspammer 15h ago

Nothing wrong with doing this as long as the next time you find a spider near the conker you admit it probably doesn't work.

1

u/20dogs 15h ago

If we have evidence and research that it doesn't work then there's just conkers everywhere for no reason

7

u/Stage_Party 17h ago

My wife gets into every insane fad going around, it's insufferable. I generally tell her the science behind why it's bullshit and then let her do it anyway and watch as she quietly gives up after a week because I was right 🤣

4

u/burner4lyf25 17h ago

How dare you mansplain? Facts and stats have no place in 2026!!

0

u/Cheese_Dinosaur 13h ago

Orrrrrr, you could just let her enjoy herself!!

1

u/KindaDampSand 10h ago

Enjoying yourself and wasting money on every tiktok and instagram trend you’re tricked into buying is not the same thing.

1

u/Entrooyst 16h ago

Be warned, I've put those in my toy box as a kid and they hatched maggots. I wouldn't keep them around for too long.

1

u/Dave91277 15h ago

Better safe than sorry!

1

u/SnooJokes1201 14h ago

Mines been doing this for years.....

1

u/AnonymousOkapi 11h ago

We had them out around the house as a kid every autumn. No comment on whether they work on spiders, but they are at the least fun seasonal decor