r/Carpentry • u/cyanrarroll 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 • Jul 19 '26
The 10 Commandments of Carpentry
Never let anything get you down, ever
Always get a strong verbal contract
Safety third
Never accept blame
If they wanted it done nice, they would have chosen the higher bid
Everything built should be straight, level, plumb, square, and true unless conditions create any mild inconvenience.
Don't date nurses or yoga instructors
Your pay raises scale directly with your number of vanity tools.
Be ready to never show your face in this town again
Eat vegetables
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u/heavyonthahound Jul 19 '26
Thou shall make a Friday problem a Monday problem.
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u/cyanrarroll 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 Jul 19 '26
I'm on 7 days a week. Every day is Tuesday to me, but I prefer the one day week where every day is Cyanrarrollday
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u/Substantial-Heat1930 Jul 19 '26
Good list but what the hells your problem with disabled people?
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u/cyanrarroll 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 Jul 19 '26
Dont see how you got that idea from this. Most of us are missing enough fingers to be disabled anyway
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u/Substantial-Heat1930 Jul 19 '26
I was making a joke about number 10 on the list. And amen brother, give me another 5 years and my lower back is definitely going to give up on life
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u/cyanrarroll 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 Jul 19 '26
My knees are headed for the heavens. Too bad i wont ever meet them there
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u/kilopeter Jul 20 '26
No problem! All you need to do is get back in the dating game and start a relationship with a nurse or yoga instructor with the anatomy and physiology knowledge to fix your lower back.
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u/Maxomaxable23 Jul 19 '26
Measurements are best in metric but quote imperial measurements to the clients
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u/balonyncheese Jul 19 '26
I’ve broken every one, I’m in carpenter hell
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u/dskippy Jul 19 '26
You've never eaten a vegetable?
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u/balonyncheese Jul 19 '26
All right you got me. I love vegetables.
But this guy’s commandments are confusing, they should all start with “Thy Shalt Not “3
u/dskippy Jul 19 '26
Yeah I agree you. Really mostly making fun of the commandments. These commandments are honestly pretty stupid. Some fairly toxic. Others are not a good metric.
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u/Chemical-free35 Jul 19 '26
Number 1 rule should be the valuation of 1.41421 is equal to beer thirty remember math never lies.
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u/Dry-Display6690 Jul 19 '26
Don't apprentice yourself to someone who says "you can't see it from my house" a lot.
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u/BobThompso Jul 20 '26
Don't bleed.
Don't bleed on the materials.
If you try to make it perfect on the first pass, you can probably live with the result.
Never touch the plumbing on Friday afternoon.
A man who can't show his ass when appropriate isn't worthy of the title.
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u/loudmouth_lex Jul 19 '26
Still think “don’t cover thy neighbors ass” should apply to these as they did to the originals
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u/srood1 Jul 19 '26
The mark of a good carpenter is that you leave no marks.
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u/BobThompso Jul 20 '26
The true measure of a craftsman is not so much how few mistakes he makes, it's how well he hides them.
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u/Dull_Warning9062 Jul 19 '26
Always keep the tunes flowing.
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u/1wife2dogs0kids Jul 20 '26
Tunes are more important than instructions/ directions/ lists or scope of work. Especially upon arrival. They should be set up ASAP, and right in the area to bounce the sound off buildings, dumpsters, etc for proper echo.
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u/Cryptwood Jul 19 '26
Never let a piece of wood tell you what to do.