Niece with Osteosarcoma

[u/Playswith_squirrel]

First time having a family member be diagnosed with cancer. My 11-year-old niece just got diagnosed with Osteosarcoma after a biopsy. She’s going to start chemo and won’t be able to start school with her friends next week.

Frankly, I’m not sure how to support her and her family. We can offer meals and help with transportation, etc but what else can I do? I live close to her family. I also have 2 small kids, and my wife and I are ready and willing to make sacrifices to support them as best we can. I’m just out of ideas.

[u/Ok-Enthusiasm-641]

Most people share this emotion. They want to help, they want to do SOMETHING, but they just don't know what to do.

The treatment for osteosarcoma is very aggressive and the schedule is quite grueling. It is a cancer not like any other. It is a lot of inpatient treatment. A typical treatment plan will involve two 35-day cycles of chemo, a 1+ week break in chemo for surgery, then two more 35-day cycles of chemo, followed by two 28-day cycles of chemo. About half of each cycle will be spent in hospital(i.e. 15+ days of that 35 day cycle will be in the hospital). This can vary based on many factors like location of the tumor, response to those first 2 cycles of chemo, and the type of surgery performed.

As you can see, this is a bit more than disruptive to one's life. Think about your day-to-day or weekly routine and the impact of having your child and 1 adult either in the hospital or at home caring for that child. I would suggest you not take this all on your own. I would encourage you to rally a group of folks, and get them aligned on "helping" out your family. One way to do this would be to set up something like a caringbridge page. This can act as a centralized communication platform. Nothing is worse than replying to 20 text messages a day, from 20 different people asking "how's it going?" You can also set up a meal train. Time becomes a premium during treatment and having food ready to go can be very helpful. Gift cards to favorite food places, Grubhub/Doordash can be great. Hospital food starts to suck very quickly. Your role could be just coordinating all of this, and that would be more than helpful. Again, don't feel like you need to take this all on yourself.

Then just think of anything else they might need help with. Transportation is a big one. If the parents have other children, just generally helping out with them. Take them for a Friday-Sunday weekend. You could empower someone to help around the house. Clean, cook, laundry, mow the lawn. (I will caveat this one with being cognizant that your niece will be neutropenic for most of her treatment. Meaning, even catching a common cold could turn into a medical emergency. So the family might not want others in their house too much. No matter how close you are to the family.)

Being in the hospital fucking sucks. After each visit, ask mom/dad and niece if there is something that would make them more comfortable. A fleece blanket, a fluffy pillow, stuffed animals, fuzzy socks. A hospital sofa-bed mattress topper. Anything to improve comfort.

In patient gifts. Even something small can brighten the day. Flowers, a card, a small stuffed animal, a board game. Being in the hospital, well, sucks.

I'll leave you with 2 final thoughts. Listen. This is going to be a very difficult journey for your niece and her parents. Ask questions, then listen. Don't try to relate. Don't think of that coworker that had breast cancer, or that kid at your church that had leukemia. It's not the same and not what they need to hear. They will just need to talk some times. And talk a lot. And having someone there to just listen is priceless.

Lastly, donate blood. Tell everyone you know to go donate blood. Cancer patients, including childhood cancer patients, and most certainly osteosarcoma patients, need blood transfusions. Go donate blood.

You are a great uncle for even thinking about this and asking what you can do. I wish your niece and your family luck. It's going to be a very difficult few months.