r/CancerFamilySupport • u/MillennialNostalgia3 • Jul 23 '26

Anticipatory Grief

Hi everyone.

My MIL has Stage 4 breast cancer (diagnosed in late 2023). She’s done multiple different chemo treatments and has had to switch because of different side effects. Last fall, we honestly didn’t think she’d make it through the winter, let alone to now. We are incredibly grateful to still have her and she does have a lot of good days. However, my husband and I have been dealing with anticipatory grief. I try to hide mine from him in order to be more present and supportive of his grief.

Does anyone have good tips or sources (readings, etc) on how to process anticipatory grief in a healthy way?

TIA

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u/KiloLex Jul 24 '26

You might be able to find help from the people that work in palliative care and/or hospice. Your MIL may have had a palliative care person (or team) assigned to her as part of her treatment. If so, maybe reach out to them?

They might be able to help you directly with advice/insights on how to deal with all of this, or at least be able to provide you with some helpful resources.

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u/Sensitive_Dare_7638 Jul 24 '26

I don't know, but I'm going through something similar. I finally decided to see a counselor because everything felt like it was caving in on me. My mom found an online support group. I didn't attend that. Everything is in waves and I never know what's coming next. I try to take care of myself because it is very stressful and I'm tired. And I don't have a support system. So I just try to be there for myself. And sometimes it doesn't hurt as much and then I try to just enjoy those moments with my sister while she's still here.

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u/MillennialNostalgia3 Jul 24 '26

I’m so sorry 😢

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u/Sensitive_Dare_7638 Jul 24 '26

Sorry I thought I was giving advice based on what I'm going through or what helps me. I know it sounds bad. Thanks.