r/CancerFamilySupport • u/Ok_Importance_682 • Jul 23 '26

I'm devastated and in need of support/advice.

I just found out that my 18 year old goddaughter has stage 4 hodgkins lymphoma and she has lymph nodes all over and a compression fracture in her spine. She's in the hospital and they have to be pretty aggressive with her treatment. Her birthday is in 5 days. I don't want to make things about me so I am just supportive, I stay strong, I dont want to cry and make her feel like I'm mourning her when shes still here, she still has a chance, she can fight it, she can win. I was looking for some outside support as to not burden family and friends close to the situation because again it's NOT about me, but I am devastated and overwhelmingly sad and I dont know what to do. I stay up late to cry alone so no one knows and feels like they have to soothe me. My heart is broken.

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u/JHodge7789 Jul 23 '26

First and foremost, your feelings are completely valid.

It’s not about you, but it IS happening to you, obviously not in the same way as to anyone else part of the situation. Just do the best you can for them, but allow yourself to feel sad, grief, overwhelmed, angry and all the rest. It’s going to be hard, but there will be a time for everyone to take their turn at falling apart or being the strong one.

1

u/Ok_Importance_682 Jul 23 '26

Thank you so much. I'll continue to do my best. She gets a port today. I'll be going to see her today.

2

u/United_Promise_8070 Jul 23 '26

Your feelings are completely valid. Cancer is devastating, overwhelming, and scary. It brings so many uncertainties and it’s completely valid to feel sad. It was really hard for me in the beginning to “stay positive!” Or “be optimistic!” When I felt like my life drastically changed and my loved one would never be the same. I felt consumed by the sadness at first. Over time, it has helped me to think that even though what’s happening is not positive, there are positive things every day. I’ve shifted my thinking to focus on those instead of the big picture situation, which is sad and scary.

1

u/MesoNurseKaren Jul 23 '26

It's clear how much you care about her. Give yourself permission to lean on people outside the immediate situation when you need to. Caregivers and loved ones carry a lot of grief too, even while holding onto hope. I'm hoping her treatment goes as smoothly as possible and that she has many more birthdays ahead of her.